[GenCat]

I have emailed my T twice now since sunday and she just replied last night just reminding me of my appointment today. Ugh that's so frustrating that she wont talk to me about anything I email. I frantically emailed her saying I could call my pdoc because of anxiety and I heard nothing! I don't know how to bring about telling her I don't understand how sometimes she is good about emailing me back while other times she doesn't respond. Im mad at her and is worries me when I don't hear from her. And then its awkward to even bring up what she thought of my email like a week ago...

[HazelGirl]

I think it would be very beneficial to bring it up, even if it is awkward.

[HealingTimes]

I would definitely bring it up. It sounds as though you need continuity in this situation and to know the circumstances under which your T will or will not email you support.

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

That sounds so frustrating and I'm sorry that you're dealing with all that.
While I agree that it would beneficial to discuss the issue with her, I also understand how challenging that can be for us.
Even if we do know that the very things that cause us great angst are the very issues that we should be addressing head-on, we tend to get and stay paralyzed by it... this is what we trying to overcome, no?

But really... what better environment is there to deal with such issues than with a mental health professional?
So even though I'm sure that you'll probably imagine all the worst possible outcomes of discussing it with her, I d encourage you to try.
Feeling awkward and moving ahead is something we all should practice more.

[melania]

Do you asked her any question on this email?
Maybe some therapists don't want to spend their time emailing their clients, noone pay them about it.
I know it sounds horrible what I'm saying now but it's my opinion.
My therapist also never responds me to my emails. Okay today was exception because I asked him important question and he said- we have to talk about it next session. And he didn't answer to my question.

[Littlemeinside]

"I frantically emailed her saying I could call my pdoc because of anxiety and I heard nothing!"

My x-T would never to respond to an email like that. One of the goals for many people is selfsupport at least between sessions.

You answered your own email by telling her you could call your pdoc. Thereby letting her know you knew where to reach out for help and knew how to handle the situation.

If she had answered you, she would be given you the impression, that you can´t handle things on your own and need to frantically reach out to her, when really it may be a good idea to call your pdoc if you´re anxiety was really bad.

That´s the explanation my x-T gave me, when I tried to reach out, but already knew what to do for myself. He wanted me to realize that and did not respond to some of my emails because of that. It doesn´t change the fact that it hurts really bad not to get an answer and I am just making a guess here.I hope you will be able to talk to her about this.

I think the awkward feeling would be there anyway, caused by not having clear boundaries.
If a T allows email, than they shouldn't than pick which to respond to. That shows a lack of professionalism & integrity

[Littlemeinside]

WE are the ones looking for help but often end up lecturing our T´s about their boundaries, them being unprofessional and lacking integrity ect. on the forum

How can one learn about boundaries if everything is " spelled out on paper"?

IRL relationships doesn´t come with a written manual, so we can try to change our T´s ( believe me I have tried ) or face the fact that they are there to help and teach us stuff, eventhough the process may hurt. They are trained in doing so and per definition are NOT necessarily unprofessional.

Based on the " quick dx" we often make in here, myself included " oh this is unethical, this T doesn´t have good boundaries, this is unprofessional behaviour ect. It seems like we sometimes forget why WE came into therapy in the first place and stir focuse away from ourselves and keep focus on the T´s "issues" and " bad behaviour" instead? Uhm....just a thought

[CantExplain]

How can we learn if it isn't spelled out?

A lot of us failed to learn what "normal" people learned in childhood. So we're going to need some help. You can't expect us to guess.

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

WE are the ones looking for help but often end up lecturing our T´s about their boundaries, them being unprofessional and lacking integrity ect. on the forum

How can one learn about boundaries if everything is " spelled out on paper"?

IRL relationships doesn´t come with a written manual, so we can try to change our T´s ( believe me I have tried ) or face the fact that they are there to help and teach us stuff, eventhough the process may hurt. They are trained in doing so and per definition are NOT necessarily unprofessional.

Based on the " quick dx" we often make in here, myself included " oh this is unethical, this T doesn´t have good boundaries, this is unprofessional behaviour ect. It seems like we sometimes forget why WE came into therapy in the first place and stir focuse away from ourselves and keep focus on the T´s "issues" and " bad behaviour" instead? Uhm....just a thought

Your post proves why therapist NEED to be professional & have integrity, because when they don't the focus is on them.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Your post proves why therapist NEED to be professional & have integrity, because when they don't the focus is on them.

So what you´re saying is this T should have responded to a non acute email ( I do know anxiety is a nightmare, but still) on a Sunday when it was first sent by the OP. Because otherwise she´ll loose her professional integrity? Glad I am not a T. It must be hard to be expected to read emails during the weekend and respond to them without getting paid. This is a great way to learn about boundaries.

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

So what you´re saying is this T should have responded to a non acute email ( I do know anxiety is a nightmare, but still) on a Sunday when it was first sent by the OP. Because otherwise she´ll loose her professional integrity? Glad I am not a T.

You're putting words in my mouth. Why?

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

You're putting words in my mouth. Why?

Oh I forgot to add more.... " ?" It was meant as a question. Sorry about that

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

Oh I forgot to add more.... " ?" now I am not putting words in your mouth. It was meant as a question. Sorry about that

This thread seems triggering for you. I'm sorry.
If you read the op and my response slowly you will see what is being said.
Have a nice day.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

This thread seems triggering for you. I'm sorry.
If you read the op and my response slowly you will see what is being said.
Have a nice day.

No need to make another " forum dx" and call me triggered. I am not. I was just trying to make a comment about what my x-T has told me about this subject. (Why T´s may or may not respond to emails)

Little mouse. I'm not responsible for what's going on for you right now.
I do not wish to be 'part' of it.

[AmysJourney]

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

No need to make another " forum dx" and call me triggered. I am not. I was just trying to make a comment about what my x-T has told me about this subject. (Why T´s may or may not respond to emails)

Why is it that if someone on this forum does not hold the opinion of the majority and makes valid comments, that they are somehow "diagnosed" with something instead of just leaving the response for what is is: A different perspective on things..
It seems this happens a lot when a person does not completely agree with the OP or offers a more distant view on things or doesn't encourage the OPs feelings 100%.
I actually agree with a lot you have said, littlemeinside.
Therapy IS a tool to help us learn to be self-reliant and to manage our life outside therapy.
I email my therapist too, but I don't expect her to reply right away (although she usually does) but if there is anything in my email that suggests I already have the answer, she tells me.
I understand the feeling of disappointment when we reach out to our Ts and don't get a reply for a while, but usually we know where that feeling comes from. We know it's our way to check if the therapist is dedicated to us, cares about us, is interested in us. And we are very afraid of rejection and abandonment. But if a therapist doesn't answer our emails right away, does it really mean we should question their integrity or professionalism? Perhaps they feel that by answering they would encourage a dependence that they don't feel is a good thing for the client.
Perhaps they want to encourage us to be strong and draw from what we have learnt - which is an important part of therapy!?
Not every email we send is an emergency, not every response is necessary to our survival or wellbeing.
Sometimes, not answering emails forces the client to survive all by himself and usually we will - survive. Sometimes it even helps us to find a very important strength in ourselves..
It's not always about boundaries, sometimes it's just a therapist's way of helping us!

Sent from my LIFETAB_E7312 using Tapatalk

Oh gosh. This thread has become Chinese whispers.
Immediate response isn't an issue. But 2 days later and ignoring what the op had written isn't therapeutic on any level.
My T has replied to every single email I have sent over the past 10yrs.
Not immediately. But never left for days.
Not even a full reply is needed. Just acknowledgement of what was shared.
A T wouldn't see ignoring as therapeutic.
Nor as a lesson in self survival.
What a ridiculous idea.
I feel my T's integrity. Even after waiting some hrs.
She replys with a "sorry this is the first time I got to my emails". And acknowledges what I wrote.
What is difficult in that.
I think some here are in denial how much having their T's acknowledge them truly means.
*bows and walks out of this thread*

[GenCat]

My T allows me to email her my daily journals and anything I need to bring up right then. I don't think it has anything to do with how professional or not she is. My T is in private practice so she sets her own rules. And btw I meant I COULDN'T call my pdoc because severe anxiety. Not could.

[nottrustin]

T one thing that I have learned from my emails with T is her NOT responding has nothing to do with me. Usually responds within the same day usually within a couple of hours. She works at 3 different places. However whenever she hasn't responded within a day or even a couple of days there is a very valid reason. One time it was 3 days...the reason was she was sick in bed with the flu. The other time her son came home for a visit. I felt horrible for thinking it had anything to do with her not caring unprofessional but rather it was because she does have a life.

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

I agree with both positions:

1. That professionals should act professionally
2. That professionals shouldn't be required to be perfect and/or accommodate each and every patient's every request for dialogue during non-scheduled times.

I think OP's situation is a perfect illustration of what it's like to to get frustrated by living in a an imperfect world. The "cognitive dissonance" that that we all deal with when we smack into that reality like a bird hitting a window. That is, what seems clear to us isn't always navigable.
And in this, I really empathize with OP... it hurts.

To me (in regard to relationships), these are the times to ask questions of the other person and do less assuming.
Never easy for those of us who live this life of looking to others for guidance. We get hurt and insulate and isolate and end up not asking because we feel awkward... which is often because we are socially unskilled.
And to learn these skills we have to do the very thing that makes us feel awkward, fail at it and try again from a different tact or allow the possibility that the other person simply has a different perspective that conflicts with our own... which is no reflection on us.
(Some people just won't see eye to eye with us... no harm, no foul... just different.)
JMHO.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Little mouse. I'm not responsible for what's going on for you right now.
I do not wish to be 'part' of it.

Just to make it clear. Your screen name is Mouse, mine is Littlemeinside. Always find it a bit sad when people end up writing to themselves in here. I´ve never asked you ( as we don´t share opinions or have anything in common) to take responsibility for anything regarding me and never will. Please don´t think you hold that kind of power on an online forum, where different opinions are shared in an attempt to support the OP. Quick fix. Simply stop quoting or adressing me if you don´t like, what I write. Or you can email your T on a Saturday if that´s what you´ve been doing for ten years, asking her what to do. That should solve the problem. Thank you.

[MoxieDoxie]

How many clients do you think your T has? 30-50? What if every client sent an email with questions and problems? These are emails from people with fragile states of mind and can't not be answered quickly for intent and misunderstandings will happen. Sometimes T's take a stiff boundary on emails sometimes they don't depending. If you really want to know what your T's protocols are about answering emails.....ask. Perhaps a feel good compromise can come out of it. I have one T that is strict and will only answer if I pay him to answer. He said he is not a walk in clinic and if he just let everyone email him all the time whenever he would have no life or free time. I do not email him and I only see him twice a month just to unloaded. The real work, real recovery and healing is done with my other T who does not have those boundaries and it has had an amazing effect.

[Freewilled]

I think emailing is one of those things, like any other, that it depends on the client and his/her particular therapeutic needs. My T encourages me to email him, if I feel a need to do so, but I do not ask for help in my emails and have no expectation of such help. I just sometimes find that there is a part of me that doesn't even show up in the therapy room...so if I happen to access it during the week, I speak from that part through my emails. I also make sure they are brief (a few sentences at most). They have helped me try to access that part of me during sessions (a starting point, although this doesn't always work) and I find I've progressed since starting it.

But if I needed his assistance right at that moment (in crisis) I would call him. I think that would be best for all parties because I would need help and he would be able to help me in real time. Plus it takes away the thought of extra anxiety awaiting a reply on top of what already distressing emotions I imagine would've precipitated the email in the first place.....and it helps avoid hurt feelings if a T doesn't respond right away, or even at all....jmo

[MoxieDoxie]

Freewilled.....are you doing IFS? I was curious because you talk about parts. So true about a part of yourself that does not show up for therapy.