[IndestructibleGirl]

Hi PC folks. Just as the title says really - is there a foolproof way of differentiating between withdrawing/dissociating, and healthy letting go?

How can we tell the difference?

I feel very complicated and cannot untangle it. I feel sort of, good inside myself emotionally - which is lovely! and very welcome - but numb on the outside. Like nothing people say or do, good or bad, can sink into me. Which is how I was before except I was unhappy inside, and now I feel far better about who I am in my own opinion of myself.

It's like therapy opened me up and did some sharp cutting and tearing and rearranging but now everything is stitched back up, and my therapist (or anyone else) can't poke into the open wounds and see and influence the most desperate and vulnerable bits of me anymore. They've scabbed over.

Does this sound healthy, like I'm just more invested in my own sense of self worth and not letting outside factors dictate my self worth?

Or does it sound like numbing out and withdrawing from connections with others?



I'm veering towards thinking it's healthy because I feel strong and optimistic and just so much better! But then I think maybe it isn't because the thought of how emotionally intimate I was with my therapist now feels extremely uncomfortable, and I don't know if I ever want to face her again. I feel quite sad if I pause to think of her/ not seeing her again ever, but find it very easy to not think of it and go back to feeling pretty cheerful in general. I don't know if I'm avoiding looking at any pain there or if I'm just actually being a normal human being and reacting to loss by feeling sad by not wallowing in it.

Arghhh! I am confuddled.

[HazelGirl]

It does sound like dissociation or at least emotional withdrawal.

It ebbs and flows, and eventually you will stabilize enough so that you feel both happy inside and able to connect to other outside.

[sweepy62]

I agree with hazelgirl, are you not seeing your t anymore? When I dissociate I start to get this fuzzy far away feeling, and heavyness , I can hear, but far away like, its so calm. I know im emotionally numb.

The scabs as a metaphor and nobody being able to poke in them, sounds like withdrawal imo, you have been through an emotional roller coaster with your t.

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

I don't know if I'm avoiding looking at any pain there or if I'm just actually being a normal human being and reacting to loss by feeling sad by not wallowing in it.

I didn't know you were leaving her. Is this your final decision?

It seems like you might be avoiding dealing with the feelings now. After all, she has been a major part of your life. The way I look at it-you'll either have to face it now or later. Maybe in your case, later?

I'm veering towards thinking it's healthy because I feel strong and optimistic and just so much better!

It's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not sure if this is sustainable, but maybe it's worth a try? Nothing wrong with being where you're at. It just is.

[unaluna]

Well you might be on a bit of a buzz because of your job situation? When my dad died, i was making all the right moves for the 3-5 days of the funeral etc, but i could also tell i was in overdrive. I wasnt done with therapy, but i was totally reaping the benefits of every ounce of work i had done up to that moment. So your adrenalin might be pumping, you might be somewhat dissociated, but in a good way. Imo.

[Perna]

I think the inside and outside feelings should "match". That's why we have other people, so they can give feedback on how we "look" to the outside world. I can think/imagine anything I want, and my fears and fantasies make up my inside world. . . as well as that feedback I get from others. If you cut off the feedback loop, you just have what you have convinced yourself of?

Too, if you are not engaged with the outside world, if nothing is "happening" there, it is quite easy to think well of yourself, feel safe, etc. because there is nothing saying anything different anywhere, no challenge to your thoughts? Think of taking a test in school you believe you did well on and how glad you are to go to school to get the test back today, only to find you got a "C". Which was "true" -- yesterday's feelings or today's return of the test? They both were but life does not stand still, yesterday's thoughts, opinions, and feelings are subject to change today. When there is no change, something is wrong somewhere?

[blur]

it does sound a bit more like emotional withdrawal because letting go of something doesn't tend to leave you feeling numb on the outside. letting go usually feels quite peaceful to me, as if a burden has been lifted.

don't beat yourself up though for withdrawing a bit. you probably just need a little space to regain some balance. then, you can get back out there. it sounds like you are doing better than in the past with feeling good on the inside whereas before you didn't.

[ShiningLight]

It sounds like you did a lot of hard work and are now benefiting from it. Is there more work to be done? That depends. Is your emotional outlook allowing you to connect to other people in a way that you'd like? If so, great! If not, well then you have your answer. Or maybe you like the way you are connecting for the moment, but might not in the future.

Everyone dissociates to some degree or another. We can't emotional react to everything all the time. The key is to make it work for you and not against you. If you're happy, hold on to that. Either way, you should be proud of yourself and how far you've come!

[someone321]

My T says that everyone dissociates more or less and it is okay as long as it doesn't become a problem... For instance, I am a chronic daydreamer but I never lose control, have memory gaps etc. but my T still calls that dissociation... But for me the accurate definition is not so important... And yes, I love daydreaming, it is pretty addictive actually

[Abby]

I can understand why you are confused!

I'm guessing, like most others have said, that what others say or do should effect you in some way because that's part of being connected to others. But from what you wrote it's hard to know if it does effect you but you aren't letting it 'sink in' and change how you feel about yourself.

Also do you need to know? If it isn't hurting you. Could you simply be open to continually reflecting within yourself and perhaps the answer will be made known to you in time? Sometimes we feel emotions when we're ready, and I don't necessarily think that is a 'bad' thing or an unhealthy defence mechanism.