Mad at T

I'm so confused.

I have genuine, loving feelings for my therapist. He's been amazing. But lately I've been growing increasingly angry with him and I don't get it! My feelings of anger don't align with why I'm angry. I'm mostly upset because I feel like he's been avoiding topics I've emailed about but I know in reality it's a lack of time. Second, I think I'm mad because I ache to feel countertranference from him and I simply don't. I know this is childish! He's super ethical and I have so much respect for him in regards to that but I'm still angry I'm not a "special snowflake" to him like he is to me. Lastly, I'm frustrated with the skewed power dynamic. He sets the time, starts and ends sessions, veers topics as he sees fit, etc.

I emailed him telling him I have angry feelings towards him I don't understand and he says we should definitely talk about it next time. Sigh. Should be a blast!

I agree with your T - you do need talk through these feelings. So that you don't get caught up in the emotions and possibly miss something you want to talk about, I would suggest writing down the specific things you want to talk about.
Regarding the "power dynamic", your sessions and their length have to be scheduled based on availability. Remember, this is how he makes his living.
If you feel he too freely changes the topics, you may want to ask him to bring the conversation back to what you need to finish discussing. Just say something like, "If you don't mind, I'd like to go back to what we were talking about."
Good luck.

Isnt therapy the way you keep that special snowflake feeling towards each other and fix your carp? Otherwise could either of us stand each other? Im a whiner, hes a cheater - strictly for example of course!

I like that "special snowflake". I think the therapeutic relationship is the only place I get to feel like a special snowflake and I betcha we make the T's sometimes feel that way too ya know? the whole anger thing though - that's so hard to talk through - I had a conversation like that with my T back in October I think it was, I had some anger towards her because I had apologized for something I had done and I did not hear her accept my apology - so I thought she had not. I held onto that anger for too long and didn't tell her about it. I won't do that again....

Just let him know that you are having some issues right now with Therapy and see if you can work past them.

Man, I could have written this entire thing! I absolutely feel your pain, and I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.... I know how it is to have your T completely avoid the things you want to talk about most. And the time thing...it's hard sharing a T with a million other clients! (hence my prostitution theory)

I think it's completely normal to ache to feel countertransference from your T. I've been dying to feel this from him too, but I'm just not getting it! It's like, "God, just throw me a damn crumb, won't you?"

And the power dynamic...ugh. I wish I could say something that could help you, but I know that I'm going through this myself with the same frustration and questions. *hugs* All I can recommend is just talking and bringing up subjects no matter how uncomfortable it makes him feel. It might even make YOU feel better to watch him squirm a bit. You're paying for this, you might as well get to say whatever you want, and if he doesn't like it, whatever, right??

It's so hard for me not to just be "done" with my T whenever he doesn't respond back immediately to one of my text messages. I don't need to pay for rejection; I already get it a million times over in every other facet of my life...

Therapy is difficult, no doubt about that. Sometimes I wonder if it has to be this difficult. Like, am I making it worse for myself with my feelings? Or can this all be tackled?

It sucks to want to take control of sessions and leave feeling like you're not getting what you want, even if it's deemed "inappropriate."

It's so hard for me not to just be "done" with my T whenever he doesn't respond back immediately to one of my text messages. I don't need to pay for rejection; I already get it a million times over in every other facet of my life...

Man I relate to this!!!! Why do I put myself through it? Your post has given me the words to tell her how I feel - I am going to do it tomorrow. Thank you.

Sorry i didnt use the quote function - couldnt work out how to do it!

Wow! Thanks. I'm glad my anguish and torture can be used to help someone else. No but seriously, I am all for telling our T's how we feel. Even though I don't necessarily follow through myself, all the time...