[CantExplain]

But I think this might be the right one.

Dear Madame T,

Thank you for your replies to my earlier communications.

I have tried to keep my letters brief, infrequent and civil, as I am aware that I have no formal claim on your time. I have therefore not expressed the depth of my grief and anger.

I have often felt I wanted to see you again, but the moment I decided to do something, my many grievances just came flooding back. If I were to see you, we’d just be right back where we left off, rehashing all the old arguments, and what’s the point of that? I felt that by the end you weren’t even listening any more. When I told you what I wanted, you wrote it off as an ultimatum. When I told you what I thought, you wrote it off as a sound bite. It doesn’t look like we have a future.

And yet…

I still feel you are my last, best chance to resolve the issues I had with my mother. The transference is so total that I have forgiven my mother and have issues only with you, but I figure it’s still the same thing as far as my subconscious is concerned. This is a magnificent, irreplaceable opportunity for me if only I knew how to use it. But I don’t.

Do you have a plan, or at least an idea about how we could continue? Business as usual will emphatically not do. I tried my best for nearly ten years, I really did. The one thing I am sure of is that something has to change between us, and that you will have to change tactics. The ultimate aim is for me to change, but you have to help me, and what might have worked in the past will not get us past this blockage. We need something new, or the case is hopeless.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Love,
CE

[blur]

i think that is an awesome letter, CE. i don't know what will come of it but i hope for the best for you.

[CantExplain]

Yes, I'm very pleased with it.

[CantExplain]

W likes it too.

[HazelGirl]

I think this is a good letter. And I do understand your obsession with this T. Transference can be powerful.

However, I am worried you will be hurt by her. And that it will set you back to interact with her any more than you already have. I honestly think that you can get over this with a new T, and that you don't need her to be able to heal and grow. I know it has to be painful to consider the idea of giving up and letting go, but maybe that's in your best interest.

[unaluna]

I have absolutely no idea what youre talking about. I dont know love at all.

[rainbow8]

I think it's an excellent letter. You express more feelings instead of just ordering her to change. It's possible she won't want to work so you again, for whatever reason, but I think you're giving it your best shot so this letter.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

I have absolutely no idea what youre talking about. I dont know love at all.

((Hankster))

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I think this is a good letter. And I do understand your obsession with this T. Transference can be powerful.

However, I am worried you will be hurt by her. And that it will set you back to interact with her any more than you already have. I honestly think that you can get over this with a new T, and that you don't need her to be able to heal and grow. I know it has to be painful to consider the idea of giving up and letting go, but maybe that's in your best interest.

Nothing she can say would hurt me more than her silence.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Nothing she can say would hurt me more than her silence.

Either way, you lose. I can't think of a way this could turn out for your benefit.

[CantExplain]

Doing nothing doesn't feel like winning, either.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Doing nothing doesn't feel like winning, either.

I know. And I really understand. Check out my latest posts in the Dear T thread for a story about a mentor of mine who recently sent me an email that ripped my heart open again. I can't get in contact with him because it's bad for me. It does things to me, and although there were a lot of good things about our relationship, there were a lot of bad. And to save my sanity, I can't be around him more than occasionally, or all the old transference feelings will all come back and overwhelm me again. It's extremely painful, but it's better for me to not tango with someone who can't handle those feelings.

[HazelGirl]

Here, I'll post them here for you:

"You think my transference with you is bad? I forgot how intense it was with the male mentor I had in high school and the first few years of college. I have had hardly any contact with him for the past 2 and a half years for a variety of reasons, but he sent me a generic email today about where he currently works inviting me to an "open house" for his work's new campus and my heart leapt inside my chest and I got all shaky and anxious. I thought I was over this. I thought things had settled down in my head. I can't tell you about him because you work with him at one of your other jobs, and although nothing inappropriate happened, it hurts that he left my life almost overnight after meaning everything to me. THAT'S transference. And it's partly why I am so slow to believe you when you say you aren't going anywhere. Because I have been abandoned by people I tried to rely on, over and over again. I can't go through that pain again. And it's a sharp and painful reminder of what can happen, and what it will feel like if you abandon me. It hurts so badly right now. I would go in a flash if I thought he meant to invite me. But I have a sneaky suspicion that he just hit "send to all" in his email list. I would clear my calendar for anything involving him. And that's why I can't go, and why I need to tell him that he sent it to me. Both of which will be incredibly painful. It will guarantee that he will not send anything else to me accidentally, and it will guarantee I cannot go to this event. Everything in my heart hurts right now. All those old feelings are bubbling to the surface and I feel like I am being torn in half. And the grief starts all over again."

"And now the wait to see if he responds. Chances are, he won't, especially since I am betting he didn't mean to send it. But if he did mean to, he might respond. Maybe. But I won't know until I wait for a week with baited breath. I hate this. It's part of why I don't talk to him anymore. And it's overwhelming to know he's so close and yet so very far away."

[sweepy62]

I think its a great straight foward letter, you are right, silence is a killer. I hope you get one or two sentences. Im with hankster, I dont know much about love so I dont yearn for it, just throw me a blanket, I will call that my cuddle bug.

[CantExplain]

For better or worse, I have stuck a stamp on my sound-bite-ultimatum and shoved it through the slot.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

For better or worse, I have stuck a stamp on my sound-bite-ultimatum and shoved it through the slot.

I really hope she replies with something useful.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Nothing she can say would hurt me more than her silence.

Isn't that the truth. In certain context, silence says a lot.

I've thought--and this is only a thought-that maybe you should resolve your issues with her, by working with her again. Any chance of that?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by skies

Isn't that the truth. In certain context, silence says a lot.

I've thought--and this is only a thought-that maybe you should resolve your issues with her, by working with her again. Any chance of that?

That's pretty much what I'm asking. But we have to get over this hump first. Now would be a really good time for her to make a generous gesture.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

That's pretty much what I'm asking. But we have to get over this hump first. Now would be a really good time for her to make a generous gesture.

So you're going to send it to her? I thought you were just posting it here, sorry

[CantExplain]

I have already sent it. Alea jacta est!

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I have already sent it. Alea jacta est!

You are so brave!!

I'd probably die of anxiety while hoping for a response.

Hoping the best for you.

[RTerroni]

A good note but don't you think it is time to let things go between you and her.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

A good note but don't you think it is time to let things go between you and her.

In a word, no.

If this stuff really tracks back to my mother then walking away from Madame T won't solve anything.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

In a word, no.

If this stuff really tracks back to my mother then walking away from Madame T won't solve anything.

So you are going to continue to bug her on things for years to come?

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

So you are going to continue to bug her on things for years to come?

It's not really bugging though, is it. Isn't it just trying to get an adequate ending rather than an unsatisfactory one?