How do you cope with knowing you'll lose your T one day?

For some reason, I got lucky with my T. I will have to "terminate" therapy one day, but she's promised to stay in my life in one way or another depending on life situations. She also told me that if I needed to, I can always go back for additional sessions.

I faced this issue this week. A couple of weeks ago I felt really sad about the prospect, then scared, but then accepted. I assume it is like a bereavement, in that it will be painful, but it will also move to acceptance.

And maybe when as you progress in therapy the ability to contemplate coping without T becomes more bearable.

I was thinking about this in the session recently. I kept it all inside and did a 'door knob confession' and left saying I wanted a break because I couldn't go there always and she wouldn't be here forever. She said 'Raging, yes, that's true and I won't be around forever and no one ever will be here forever'

..but I can't come to terms with it. I've known her for 7 years and it would be like loosing a part of me.

Ok, statistically, but I said what I said because, since we get attached to our Ts, the pain of losing them is just as deep if they are 30 or 60. And, we can "lose" them in all sorts of ways: we move, they move, our insurance changes, their insurance changes, accident/injury, retirement, death. Any of these ways can happen to any T.

I'm in complete denial on this whole subject, I will have my therapist forever....

I just had an appt with my T today. I've only just begun what I think is gonna be a LONG journey, and we talked about that today. I told her that this'll probably take forever. She said then she'd be there forever. I'll hold her to it. Obviously not to be taken literally, but the thought was nice....

thankfully my t has told me we are part of each others lives forever, even when we are little old ladies we can still talk and get together whenever i want

I did abruptly lose my therapist of seven years in a horrible, unplanned situation. It has been really hard, but life has gone on. It has been really painful, but I survived. You will be ok especially if you get to go through a planned termination.

My therapy is open ended and I was promised he'd never kick me out barring extreme circumstance. I will then continue stalking him through his retirement, at the very least he'll get periodic updates.

I don't have to worry at least for the age (if she dies because of that, in something like 50 years, then I will be going to die too. Not that I hope to have non stop therapy for the next 50 years, lol).
I cope with denial too. I remember being handed a test before christmas holidays that she had said she would hand me when she thought I was at a good point. I literally grieved for 3 neverending weeks (then she explained it was just to record changings).
It comforts me that it's a private practice so it is completely up to us, plus I will hopefully be ready by then and she said from the first session that I can always go back to her if I'll need therapy again or if I just want to talk to her.

But I often wonder how you really feel when you decide to have a proper termination after the work is done. If you feel actually ready, if it has to be so painful in any case...

I cope by telling myself that this is going to take a long, looooong time and I won't have to think about till then.


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...the fact my T said that, in a way, he will always be with me and I will always be with him - it helped that he said both parts of that.

I think this is crucial. Hopefully, by the time you leave therapy, you will have internalized your T to the point that he will always be with you, yet you will feel separate from him. This occurs whether you stay in touch or not, and it greatly mitigates any continued sense of loss. Of course there will be a period of grief at the time of stopping therapy, regardless of how well-planned the ending is, and independent of whatever connection comes after that time. But such grief is transitory and appropriate.

My former T is over 80. Although I don't know the details, nor whether it is his health or that of his wife, I know something serious has happened because he hasn't responded, and that is very unlike him. It saddens me that he's facing some sort of challenge, but while I am concerned, I also feel calm because whatever happens, we are connected. That will never change.

I've been thinking about this discussion and it has dawned on me that maybe, for me, this wasn't really about the prospect of losing my T one day - though that is an issue and it's been really interesting discussing it.

Actually I think this is a shift within me, in that I've opened my heart and allowed myself to acknowledge the following things: that my T is an important person to me who won't be around forever; that when he dies my grief will be valid; that I can allow myself to love and to lose. I think this is me acknowledging the validity and the necessity of my therapy, actually.

I've been seeing my therapist for quite a few years now, and I still have a way to go, but I have thought about this a bit. Probably a bit dumb of me, but I like to imagine that I'd bump into her or we'd keep in touch, but deep down I know that's very unrealistic. She's highly professional and I can tell her career is her life, so I don't think she'd risk everything by befriending a client.

I honestly don't. My coping around this situation involves pretending it is never going to happen and I am positive she will be in my life forever. There is a possibility there is some truth in these feelings, but I am aware this is an unhealthy way of coping with the future loss, and that there very well may come a time I lose contact with her and she becomes a fond and treasured memory. It makes me so sad to think about. I hope this is far off in the distance and will not happen anytime soon.

I am guessing I'm one of the relatively few members here who has had a healthy, positive termination experience with a T so I thought I'd share.

I really liked and trusted my old T, but after about 4 years of working on my stuff, I began to acknowledge that my healing journey would need to include working with a male therapist at some point, in order to fully heal. From the point of first telling her that, to getting a referral, to making an appointment took me nearly a year, so there was lots of time to process the feelings. She was/is the first person I ever formed a secure attachment to, so stepping away felt impossible at first, but knowing it was part of what I needed to do to heal made it do-able.

What helps is knowing I absolutely still have her support, and she still cares about me, and that I am welcomed to return to regular meetings with her when and if I ever want or need to.

Tapering off has helped, as well. There was a time when I saw her 3x a week, but for the last few months we've met every 6 weeks (just to check in on mtgs with the male T, since I struggle to trust my judgement of him). We may stop the 6 week meetings by the end of the summer and honestly, I feel ok about it, even though I never dreamed I would.