[HazelGirl]

I don't really have a word for how I'm feeling, but I feel bad.

I know it's the "therapy hangover" from yesterday, but it's so terrible. I knew it would be because I pushed myself a lot. And now I'm dealing with the effects. I feel upset, angry, sad, afraid, and other things, all for no real reason.
I don't know what I'm reacting to or why I feel this way. I hate it.

[HazelGirl]

I feel like there's a piece of me that is so broken and hurt that I will never get better. And I just want to slam that door and ignore it like I did for so long. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to feel overwhelmed and sad and in pain. I just wish it would all go away.

[august burning]

I too feel irreparably damaged and broken. I've been in quite a state for the last couple of years. Little, tiny things upset me..... some days I wake up angry and its almost as if I'm offended that the sun had the nerve to shine that day. Often times I just can't understand how the world keeps spinning and the rest of the population can keep moving forward while I'm mired in all this pain and anguish.

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[sweepy62]

You did alot in your las session, these feelings are like ocean waves they come and go, but when the waves come in ( aka ) feelings they come strong, when they leave, youre still going to be left with residual symptoms.
All you can do is weather them, wear your storm gear (aka) coping skills yep, it sounds lame, but its all we have, logically, and our little weekly time with our therapists, with an occasional, " hang in there from a friend or family member.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

You did alot in your las session, these feelings are like ocean waves they come and go, but when the waves come in ( aka ) feelings they come strong, when they leave, youre still going to be left with residual symptoms.
All you can do is weather them, wear your storm gear (aka) coping skills yep, it sounds lame, but its all we have, logically, and our little weekly time with our therapists, with an occasional, " hang in there from a friend or family member.

Thank you. I know that's all I have. It feels like so little in comparison to the feelings, and I end up feeling very vulnerable and sort of raw and exposed. And it's exhausting.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I feel like there's a piece of me that is so broken and hurt that I will never get better. And I just want to slam that door and ignore it like I did for so long. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to feel overwhelmed and sad and in pain. I just wish it would all go away.

:-( I'm sorry.

Can you get hold of a yoga or qigong dvd? it helps to get your body moving and focus on something else.

[Ambra]

I'm sorry HazelGirl.
I don't think you are angry and hurt for no reason.. you have probably brought up things that had been resting for long, lately, and it feels like everything has just happened, again, whatever it is.
I found out that I am feeling *worse* than before but I like to think it is a good sign of healing wounds in the best way, reopen them, get the right medication and let them heal the right way after processing things. Don't know if it makes any sense. Unfortunately it takes much longer than just ignoring them and probably the thing to do is to acknowledge the pain and anguish. But this is a transition phase..

How are you doing at your new place by the way? Do you keep a diary or do you think there's something that might help you vent or take out your feelings without inhibition?

We have to feel that way at times. Those feelings are our guide posts.
They seem unbearable at times. But we did survive them. I'd take it as a sign that you're stronger than you imagine. We can't feel what we cannot stand.

[JustShakey]

It'll be okay. It will.

[HazelGirl]

Thank you everyone for your replies. After sleeping on it for the night, I am feeling a bit better. I don't know whether I will fall apart again, but for now, I guess I'm getting a break from it.

Originally Posted by Ambra

I'm sorry HazelGirl.
I don't think you are angry and hurt for no reason.. you have probably brought up things that had been resting for long, lately, and it feels like everything has just happened, again, whatever it is.
I found out that I am feeling *worse* than before but I like to think it is a good sign of healing wounds in the best way, reopen them, get the right medication and let them heal the right way after processing things. Don't know if it makes any sense. Unfortunately it takes much longer than just ignoring them and probably the thing to do is to acknowledge the pain and anguish. But this is a transition phase..

How are you doing at your new place by the way? Do you keep a diary or do you think there's something that might help you vent or take out your feelings without inhibition?

I do have a diary, and that sometimes helps. But not always. Sometimes, I feel like it's all trapped and blocked inside there and nothing I do will let me vent it out. I don't have the words or the ability to express it and I end up feeling stuck in it, like it's attached to me and won't come off. I don't move through it, I get stuck in it.

My new place is nice. Thanks for asking. I am enjoying it so far.

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

:-( I'm sorry.

Can you get hold of a yoga or qigong dvd? it helps to get your body moving and focus on something else.

I would like to learn yoga, but that requires time and money, both of which I am short on right now.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

We have to feel that way at times. Those feelings are our guide posts.
They seem unbearable at times. But we did survive them. I'd take it as a sign that you're stronger than you imagine. We can't feel what we cannot stand.

Something I realized last week was that all of the things I'm feeling and going through were things I felt and dealt with as a child. If they're so overwhelming as an adult that I can barely function, how much more overwhelming were they as a child? No wonder I dissociated away from it all and shut down. That's the only way I could survive.

[Aloneandafraid]

Thinking of you Hazelgirl and sending love and healing hugs. You will get through this. Xx

[Perna]

I was lucky and use to live near a big antiques "mall", sort of upscale flea market? When I would get badly out of sorts, I'd take just $10 and walk down there (have done it in large dollar stores with $1 or the grocery store) and decide I had to find "the" thing calling out to me, the symbol that would resonate with me or what I wanted right then, that moment.

Usually interest in the search and curiosity at what I would find/choose took me out of my nasty space and gave me a bit more hope or shifted something so I could look at things a bit more dispassionately.

Experience is, for me, the highest authority. The touchstone of validity is my own experience. No other person's ideas, and none of my own ideas, are as authoritative as my experience. It is to experience that I must return again and again, to discover a closer approximation to truth as it is in the process of becoming in me. Neither the Bible nor the prophets -- neither Freud nor research --neither the revelations of God nor man -- can take precedence over my own direct experience. My experience is not authoritative because it is infallible. It is the basis of authority because it can always be checked in new primary ways. In this way its frequent error or fallibility is always open to correction. ~Carl Rogers

[HazelGirl]

Thank you for your support. I am talking to my T about coming up with a plan for when I feel like that, and having a specific list of things to do to help myself. I used to have one about a year and a half ago, but I moved 3 times inside of that time and it has since been lost. So I need a new one. The old one didn't work extremely well, anyway, so it will be beneficial for me to have one that's more effective.