[whateverforever1]

Hi. I just started going to therapy about three weeks ago. I am going to a DBT therapy but refuse to do the group session so I only see the woman 1x a week.

I am severely depressed if interacts with my life a lot and I can barely get out of bed. I've missed 3 weeks of something that's a once in a lifetime opportunity because i'm so depressed. I got fired from a job. I bailed half-way through a class I was taking. I desperately want to feel better because I feel like i'm digging myself into a bigger and bigger hole.

Seeing this woman 1x a week is barely helping. I've called her 2x in a crisis and she was very nice called me multiple times to check in and see how I was doing ect. The thought of killing myself pops in my head about 4-5 days out of the week. I feel like this is not a way to live. The therapist has recommended medication and said "it's the only way" several times to me, but I am resistant. Whenever I'm really depressed I agree i'll call a psychiatrist, but whenever I feel better (every other day) then I think I can just fix my problem on my own. I don't know what to do. I feel like i'm a burden to her if I call her in between appointments. I feel stupid and embarrassed. I don't know if I should see her 2x a week but I'm even afraid to ask that. I don't want to call anymore because she said something at our last session "I know you'll call me this week" with a smile on her face. So now I am embarassed so I don't want to call. I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I will suffer indefinitely.

[Restin]

Whateverforever, it sounds like you've made a start in the most important way for your depression. Just starting therapy brings up many questions about how it should be done, and your T is figuring that out, too. Going once a week is a good place to start, with T available by phone in between. But it is hard to get through a whole week when you're depressed. If she is booked up, maybe another clinician could see you, too, to help get you through. Try not to be fooled by feeling better a few days so that you think you dont need therapy. Pondering suicide even once a month is a sign something is going on that's too much for you all on your own. Your T sounds very kind and supportive. And I think you're making good choices. It's important to tell the therapist what you feel you need as much as you dare, because, as smart as they are, they don't know all that you feel.

[Utterly]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

Hi. I just started going to therapy about three weeks ago. I am going to a DBT therapy but refuse to do the group session so I only see the woman 1x a week.

Sounds like you're going through hell atm. I can identify and that feeling really sucks. I do have one question for you.

Whats the concern about doing group for you?

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by Restin

Whateverforever, it sounds like you've made a start in the most important way for your depression. Just starting therapy brings up many questions about how it should be done, and your T is figuring that out, too. Going once a week is a good place to start, with T available by phone in between. But it is hard to get through a whole week when you're depressed. If she is booked up, maybe another clinician could see you, too, to help get you through. Try not to be fooled by feeling better a few days so that you think you dont need therapy. Pondering suicide even once a month is a sign something is going on that's too much for you all on your own. Your T sounds very kind and supportive. And I think you're making good choices. It's important to tell the therapist what you feel you need as much as you dare, because, as smart as they are, they don't know all that you feel.

This is true, but it feels weird to even ask to go 2x. How uncomfortable. I don't feel I'm valid enough to even ask that. It's so hard for me to even leave a voicemail for her it gives me so much anxiety. But my other option is to suffer. I feel like if I call her I am being annoying, even though it seems she doesn't mind at all. I saw her just on Monday and told her I did not want to medicate, but now I am so depressed I don't care what medication they give me- just give me something. I feel like I'm a burden to her. I don't know what to do this is why I feel like giving up

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by Utterly

Sounds like you're going through hell atm. I can identify and that feeling really sucks. I do have one question for you.

Whats the concern about doing group for you?

Don't trust random people in it I don't now. Would feel censored. Would never want them to see me outside of a group in a random setting. There's no confidentiality agreement with these people. I am thinking career/lifestyle I don't want random people involved that have no agreement to keep their mouths shut.

[Asiablue]

I think the stability of two sessions per week would be good for you. It might help to stem the crisis calls which your T may or may not be able to accommodate on a long term basis. It does sound like you could do with much more support.

[stopdog]

I see two therapists each week. I think twice is useful for me and for me, it need not be with the same person.

[CantExplain]

I found twice a week kept the connection alive and (because?) I didn't have time to get paranoid between sessions.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

Don't trust random people in it I don't now. Would feel censored. Would never want them to see me outside of a group in a random setting. There's no confidentiality agreement with these people. I am thinking career/lifestyle I don't want random people involved that have no agreement to keep their mouths shut.

You dont really share that much personal stuff in DBT group. Its more like a seminar, youre learning skills, tips, ideas, concepts.

Also i wish i had listened to people who advised me to get medicated, like my gyn and my m.d. maybe i wouldnt have messed up my life so bad. Just sayin.

[angelene]

Give yourself a break. All the shame and dread is driving you further down. And, BTW, you are not a burden.
Reaching out is difficult. But you've recognized that you need help and have gone on to seek it. I suspect you are taking that smile the wrong way. Most likely she meant it in a good way. Your T is there to help you, that's her job.
One of the best things you can do right now is take your T's advice. If that means more therapy, so be it.

Also, I still struggle with feelings of embarrassment, so know you're not alone.

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by angelene

Give yourself a break. All the shame and dread is driving you further down. And, BTW, you are not a burden.
Reaching out is difficult. But you've recognized that you need help and have gone on to seek it. I suspect you are taking that smile the wrong way. Most likely she meant it in a good way. Your T is there to help you, that's her job.
One of the best things you can do right now is take your T's advice. If that means more therapy, so be it.

Also, I still struggle with feelings of embarrassment, so know you're not alone.

Hey, she didn't advise it. But I don't know how to ask for it. Like umm "hiii can I come see you 2x a week?" That sounds so pathetic and also I don't feel like i'm valid enough to go 2x a week. or crazy enough. I don't know. and waht if she says no

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

Hey, she didn't advise it. But I don't know how to ask for it. Like umm "hiii can I come see you 2x a week?" That sounds so pathetic and also I don't feel like i'm valid enough to go 2x a week. or crazy enough. I don't know. and waht if she says no

I don't see what is so pathetic.

If she says no, you just carry on as before and no harm done.

[whateverforever1]

I left a voicemail asking for 2x a week. She could barely hear my voicemail apparently, but called me back hours later saying she did get a voicemail, could barely hear it, but knew it was me. And that she would try to get me in today, but didn't think she could and was booked up, but regardless would call me at least to talk on the phone.

Flashfoward- no call at all today. I'm really upset. I feel really abandoned and also I never want to ask for anything ever again. I might terminate the therapy.