[PaulaS]

I´ve just been in a way thrown out of therapy and I feel both very sad and shocked. I´m now questioning the termination and I want to ask you in here how you apprehend my situation.

I was terminated after more than three months in therapy after questioning some things said in therapy. I was myself clear about me wanting to continue in therapy and that I wanted to discuss the issues.

Is it usual that a T suddenly assesses that he/she isn´t a suitable T, just after getting criticism?

Shouldn´t a T always be open do discuss issues, even if a client, as I did, cancels the next appointment and refers to some time to think?

How is it possible for a T not to see that a treatment isn´t suitable earlier on, not just because the client brings some issues up?

It´s now not a question of asking my T this as the termination is a fact and I didn´t get answers that really explained why, just vague reasons.

[precaryous]

I can hardly imagine how shocking this termination must be for you. You may never know the true reason T terminated. If you decide to find a new T, they can request your records. The answer may be there.

I would want to know...to help me avoid this the next time around.

If that T is sensitive to criticism, you may be better off in the long run moving on to a T who is more experienced.

Did the T give you a referral to another T? Did T offer any termination sessions?
What did T say?

[PaulaS]

Yes, I will try to find a new T but at the moment I don´t know how or how I will have the strenght to do so. (I live outside the US so i think it´s harder where I live to find a new T).

Do you think that the reason will be found in my records? Is it standard that the T writes about those things in the records? Just asking because I'm not familiar with the procedures.

No, I didn´t get a referral to another T, I don´t know if the T:s in my country are obliged to give one. I got a recommendation about another kind of therapy in general, but no telephone numbers or something like that.

No, there was no question about certain termination sessions, she offered me an appointment time to discuss the matter in general but I declined this as she had already very clearly made up her mind about the termination.

She didn´t say much actually, just that I wasn´t suitable for the therapy all of a sudden and that it was good that this issue was risen now and not later.

Originally Posted by precaryous

I can hardly imagine how shocking this termination must be for you. You may never know the true reason T terminated. If you decide to find a new T, they can request your records. The answer may be there.

I would want to know...to help me avoid this the next time around.

If that T is sensitive to criticism, you may be better off in the long run moving on to a T who is more experienced.

Did the T give you a referral to another T? Did T offer any termination sessions?
What did T say?

[Petra5ed]

Doesn't make any sense to me. I've never heard of being terminated for anything like that.

[SnakeCharmer]

Paula, I've read all your posts about this sudden termination. In my opinion, your T has behaved in a way I find hard to understand. In most (but not all) cases, Ts usually are willing to discuss things like this and to continue therapy.

There could be many explanations for why your T acted the way she did. The simplest I can think of is that SHE has some sort of issues you don't know about. The issues could be related to her personality, her history, her physical health or even counter-transference.

But there's no way of knowing.

I hope you will find a new therapist. I know you've said you don't have the money, but if you had money to pay your ex-T, it's likely you can spend it on a new T.

I wish you the very best. What has happened to you is very hurtful, especially since your T won't explain. I don't know what happened, but my sense is that you're better off without her. She sounds like someone who has her own problems and does not know how to communicate well, especially if there is any conflict. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[unaluna]

It sounds like you were challenging the t for who had ultimate control of the sessions. And that she is saying, if you dont want to come - if you want to cancel sessions - then she accepts your decision. She should have warned you ahead of time that that would be an irreversible decision. I was told something similar in a group therapy situation. When you said you wanted time to think about things, after you sent an email criticizing her - maybe she thought you meant you wanted to think about malpractice, and she didnt feel it was a good idea to continue with someone who thought so poorly of her and her abilities as a t. Because basically i agree with you - you should be able to tell a t you dont like this or that about them. But if you dont like a LOT of things about them, then maybe they just arent the right t for you, and you should try to find a better match. There are other fish in the sea. Its not like youre stuck with them like we were with our parents.

[precaryous]

I don't know if it's standard for a T to write the reason for termination in their records. I do know I was once suddenly terminated ...my subsuquent T requested my records...and the reason for termination was there.

I agree with SnakeCharmer that more than likely the termination was due to your T's issues or poor training.

I have also never heard of T terminating just because of criticism.

[Perna]

There may not be any records unless your T is a doctor/psychiatrist or you use insurance or old T is part of a group practice that has records of some sort, etc. In the US Ts don't generally share their private notes on clients/sessions but a new T may get an answer calling and talking to your old T if you give permission for them to do that/tell your new T the name, etc. of your old one.

Did you see your T in person or only through email? It could just be that your T did not think therapy would work between the two of you because of what you were sharing in email but not in person and taking time from sessions, etc. Therapy is a joint enterprise and not just about what we want, there are two people in the relationship. I would think your T had a problem of her own with how you were acting/what you were saying/indicating and felt the relationship could not be sustained from her point of view.

[PaulaS]

Yes, perhaps it is that way, that some of her personal stuff influenced her decision and that´s why she wouldn´t give me another chance. I immediately felt when she wrote to me that she didn´t know how to continue that she was in a way a bit rigid or hostile.

In what way do you think counter-transference could have been a matter in this case?

As I´ve spent quite some time with this T and also got to know that I need long term therapy, that is more than just 10 or 15 times I don´t know at all how to be able to continue. With the T who left me I got most of the sessions during the three months paid by my insurance company but with a new T I have to pay all of it myself.

My T gave me a vague explanation and told me that I would be better off in another kind of therapy but most of the times I felt satisfied with the therapy with this T and thinks it´s now more about chemistry or the lack of it when it comes to solving conflicts.

Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer

Paula, I've read all your posts about this sudden termination. In my opinion, your T has behaved in a way I find hard to understand. In most (but not all) cases, Ts usually are willing to discuss things like this and to continue therapy.

There could be many explanations for why your T acted the way she did. The simplest I can think of is that SHE has some sort of issues you don't know about. The issues could be related to her personality, her history, her physical health or even counter-transference.

But there's no way of knowing.

I hope you will find a new therapist. I know you've said you don't have the money, but if you had money to pay your ex-T, it's likely you can spend it on a new T.

I wish you the very best. What has happened to you is very hurtful, especially since your T won't explain. I don't know what happened, but my sense is that you're better off without her. She sounds like someone who has her own problems and does not know how to communicate well, especially if there is any conflict. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[UnderRugSwept]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

No, there was no question about certain termination sessions, she offered me an appointment time to discuss the matter in general but I declined this as she had already very clearly made up her mind about the termination.

What she offered you can technically be called a termination session. You won't find any better answers on this board or questioning yourself re: what happened instead of just going to see her. If you want more info. from her, why not schedule that appt.? It might provide you with some closure.

[PaulaS]

Interesting aspect. I gave my T a clear and concise reason for cancelling the next session and I also wrote to her that I did want to solve the matter, not that I wanted to end it all together. But it´s though absolutely possible that she acted in the way you describe.

I think she might have had the thoughts you mention, that I thought poorly of her knowledge but the big question the is - why not ask me? Another thing that I think is strange is that she didn´t tell me anything about how she felt about the situation- isn´t that odd as well? I mean, she could have mentioned she felt angry, hurt or whatever.

Yes, that´s true, there are other fish in the sea but unfortunately the choice isn´t free when you don´t have the money to pay for therapy. I just feel all stuck.

Originally Posted by hankster

It sounds like you were challenging the t for who had ultimate control of the sessions. And that she is saying, if you dont want to come - if you want to cancel sessions - then she accepts your decision. She should have warned you ahead of time that that would be an irreversible decision. I was told something similar in a group therapy situation. When you said you wanted time to think about things, after you sent an email criticizing her - maybe she thought you meant you wanted to think about malpractice, and she didnt feel it was a good idea to continue with someone who thought so poorly of her and her abilities as a t. Because basically i agree with you - you should be able to tell a t you dont like this or that about them. But if you dont like a LOT of things about them, then maybe they just arent the right t for you, and you should try to find a better match. There are other fish in the sea. Its not like youre stuck with them like we were with our parents.

[PaulaS]

The thing with records made me a bit worried, if my T now has written a lot about the "termination" and if I´m in some way get in contact with a new T, then perhaps that person will hesitate working with me.

I hope the termination was due to my T:s own issues but I will probably never know.

Originally Posted by precaryous

I don't know if it's standard for a T to write the reason for termination in their records. I do know I was once suddenly terminated ...my subsuquent T requested my records...and the reason for termination was there.

I agree with SnakeCharmer that more than likely the termination was due to your T's issues or poor training.

I have also never heard of T terminating just because of criticism.

[SnakeCharmer]

Paula wrote:

In what way do you think counter-transference could have been a matter in this case?

Your T could have had conscious or unconscious reactions to you and your actions based on her own life history, things that reminded her of difficult feelings or problems she didn't want to deal with for reasons of her own.

Hankster made excellent points that also make a lot of sense to me.

And as Elsewhere said, unless you go to the last session she offered you, you'll never have any answers or closure, just guesses. We could all be making incorrect guesses here because we don't have enough info. The only person who can supply that information is your ex-T.

[hellboy]

I don't understand what it is you said. A truly professional T will not take anything personally. If you became adversarial or caused the nature of the relationship to become adversarial then that would short circuit any therapeutic function it may have. A T has the right to treat or not treat whoever they wish if they deem it inappropriate for whatever reason. As far as records go I doubt she will be any more detailed about her reasoning in them.

Hellboy

[hellboy]

I don't know all of what's going on but it all sounds a bit self-destructive to me. Now, instead of being actively engaged in therapy, it's been derailed and all attention is focused on this T who is being portrayed as unreasonable, unstable, etc. Maybe so, a lot of them are, but they can still be effective therapists. When you cancel sessions and start playing cat and mouse games and things like that you are exhibiting resistance to treatment. That alone is enough to terminate. Why should she waste her time or yours. It sounds like whatever you said in your email backed her into a corner and she told you straight up she didn't know where to go from there. That's as honest an answer you're going to get. That's the reason.

Hellboy

[hellboy]

Also, it would be inappropriate and unprofessional to express her feelings to you about the situation.

Hellboy

[Lauliza]

I thinkn HB raises good points. If you cancel appointments with a T and also tell them you don't think therapy is working for you, then termination may be the most ethical response. There isn't much else she can say. If you want to know more I would definitely see her for a termination session and talk face to face. She won't tell you that she's hurt or angry, etc since that would be unprofessional (therapy is about your feelings not hers).

As far as records are concerned I wouldn't worry about anything negative being in them. All Ts are different in how they document sessions - some keep a lot of clinical notes and some do not. A lot of the time it's factual - dates, times, etc. Personal opinions may be written but is usually for their own reference and not necessarily something that is kept in clients files when records are transferred.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

The thing with records made me a bit worried, if my T now has written a lot about the "termination" and if I´m in some way get in contact with a new T, then perhaps that person will hesitate working with me.

I hope the termination was due to my T:s own issues but I will probably never know.

In my experience, a new T will treat you without seeing your old records. You would have to sign a release before a new T would see them- which I don't believe you are required to do.

In my case, the reason for termination was written, "Due to the way the patient feels about me..." ---which is kind of neutral.

I'm not clear what all went on, but if you questioned your T's knowledge or competence...then refused the follow up appointment, I don't know what else she could do, either. She would not get in your way or prevent you from leaving. She might have terminated honoring your decision.

[anilam]

I really don't think her reasons could be established here... From what you've written I dont necessarily see her behaviour as unprofessional. She offered you a session to explain yet you refused to go and now are trying (desperately) to get your answers here. Why not go to the session and get some closure?

[hellboy]

I agree with the above. It also seems that you would only agree to meet with the T if she were willing to "work things out" and resume your treatment, otherwise you would not meet with her. If one ever finds themselves at a point where they feel the need to work things out with their T, the therapeutic value of that relationship has been long gone and no amount of discussion will bring it back. It's like breaking a vase and then deciding you want to put it back together, but it will never hold water again. The T already knows this and that the only solution is to move on.

Hellboy

[Syra]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

Interesting aspect. I gave my T a clear and concise reason for cancelling the next session and I also wrote to her that I did want to solve the matter, not that I wanted to end it all together. But it´s though absolutely possible that she acted in the way you describe.

I think she might have had the thoughts you mention, that I thought poorly of her knowledge but the big question the is - why not ask me? Another thing that I think is strange is that she didn´t tell me anything about how she felt about the situation- isn´t that odd as well? I mean, she could have mentioned she felt angry, hurt or whatever.

Yes, that´s true, there are other fish in the sea but unfortunately the choice isn´t free when you don´t have the money to pay for therapy. I just feel all stuck.

What you say makes sense to me. Ts are used to clients not liking what they do. or they should be. Happens all the time. There are ways to handle it. I'm in a way-too-similar position, and I feel like you do. Why didn't he ask me? why didn't he clarify?
I also agree with you that finding another T isn't that easy - even when you do have the resources, and much much more difficult with limited resources.

[PaulaS]

Yes, I think it´s quite likely this way, that she together with her judgement about the treatment per se also took into account some personal values. Of course it is that way, that my T has the "answer" but as I´ve already spoken to her and just got to hear vague reasons and explanations I didn´t feel that there was a way to really get her to answer me.

Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer

Paula wrote:

Your T could have had conscious or unconscious reactions to you and your actions based on her own life history, things that reminded her of difficult feelings or problems she didn't want to deal with for reasons of her own.

Hankster made excellent points that also make a lot of sense to me.

And as Elsewhere said, unless you go to the last session she offered you, you'll never have any answers or closure, just guesses. We could all be making incorrect guesses here because we don't have enough info. The only person who can supply that information is your ex-T.

[PaulaS]

I think this depends partly on the kind of therapy and partly on how the T looks upon resistance. I can´t see how cancelling one session could be judged as being resistant to continuing treatment, to me is just a way to show that something has to be talked through.

It´s another thing if you regularly cancel sessions, but cancelling on or two sessions should just be a part of therapy. That´s also many therapists opinion but unfortunately not my T:s.

To say that she wasn´t sure she didn´t know how to continue the treatment should have been a matter of discussion and at least the base for letting me know why the treatment so suddenly became impossible to continue.

Originally Posted by hellboy

I don't know all of what's going on but it all sounds a bit self-destructive to me. Now, instead of being actively engaged in therapy, it's been derailed and all attention is focused on this T who is being portrayed as unreasonable, unstable, etc. Maybe so, a lot of them are, but they can still be effective therapists. When you cancel sessions and start playing cat and mouse games and things like that you are exhibiting resistance to treatment. That alone is enough to terminate. Why should she waste her time or yours. It sounds like whatever you said in your email backed her into a corner and she told you straight up she didn't know where to go from there. That's as honest an answer you're going to get. That's the reason.

Hellboy

[PaulaS]

I´m glad to hear that my records won´t just be available without me signing a release.

The thing my T did most wrong was that she just on her own decided to terminate but didn´t let me know until I contacted her and then it was already too late although I contacted her just a few days after I sent her my e-mail with my views upon our last session.

I therefore thought that a follow-up session would just be a meeting where she talked about her arguments for terminating, not having the goal to really solve anything. The odd thing is also that we both thought the therapy went well and I often told her I liked attending therapy.

I understand a T can´t prevent a client to leave therapy or force the client to stay but I think a T should be the person who leads and really asks questions about why a session was cancelled and so on. Just looking to my e-mail and based on that decide to end therapy is not to be responsive to the clients needs.

Originally Posted by precaryous

In my experience, a new T will treat you without seeing your old records. You would have to sign a release before a new T would see them- which I don't believe you are required to do.

In my case, the reason for termination was written, "Due to the way the patient feels about me..." ---which is kind of neutral.

I'm not clear what all went on, but if you questioned your T's knowledge or competence...then refused the follow up appointment, I don't know what else she could do, either. She would not get in your way or prevent you from leaving. She might have terminated honoring your decision.

[PaulaS]

I don´t know exactly what kind of therapy you mostly refer to but when it comes to psychodynamic therapy I´ve often read and heard that different issues/conflicts are something that can be used in therapy. For example, a conflict often shows a clients' way of acting in real life, how he or she interact with other people and this should really be something to explore further in therapy.

I´m now talking about disputes and smaller arguments, of course not yelling at the T, crossing borders and so on. To work things out, that´s how it´s done in real life and it´s also a part of therapy. In what other way could you bring complaints and issues into therapy if everything is to be held as resistance or seen as a reason for termination?

If the T knew the damage was unrepairable, perhaps it was the way she felt, I think she should have told me.

Originally Posted by hellboy

I agree with the above. It also seems that you would only agree to meet with the T if she were willing to "work things out" and resume your treatment, otherwise you would not meet with her. If one ever finds themselves at a point where they feel the need to work things out with their T, the therapeutic value of that relationship has been long gone and no amount of discussion will bring it back. It's like breaking a vase and then deciding you want to put it back together, but it will never hold water again. The T already knows this and that the only solution is to move on.

Hellboy