[guilloche]

If you have a history of SI from before your current T... at what point did you share that with your T?

I'm struggling to figure out how "important" it is, if it at all. I am not currently SI-ing, but had some urges after our 3rd session. Thankfully, he picked up during the 4th that things had had been rough for me and figured out we need to go slower. (Big points to him for that, because I wasn't getting it.)

I'm worried about being terminated (yup, had a different therapist that after 3 sessions kicked me out - I think b/c I was upfront about the ongoing SI at the time. It sucked!) Also nervous b/c I think I'd need to write this out too (rather than being able to say it), and just wrote out other stuff for him last week... so feel like I'm turning him into a penpal-T.

And I worry that it's not really important, or that he'll want to talk about it, and talking about it will increase the urges.

[lunatic soul]

I told him at first session but it wasnt past, I did it at those times.
He wont terminate you, how could he terminate person who searches for help. My T said he will terminate me if I do it but he is your T, he should help you not terminate you!
Anyway Im not terminated but my T was angry to me about it.

[healed84]

I told t pretty early on in therapy. However, I did start doing it again shortly after I told him I used to. When I finally mustered up the courage to tell him I started doing it again, he did not terminate. He was vey calm about it.. We talked about what triggered it, how it makes me feel better etc.. He does say that he wishes i could find a better way to cope. Most t's that I have heard about here on the boards only worry when it is serious enough that it needs to be checked out by doctors or if you are doing it a lot.

she could see my scars at the first session

[lunatic soul]

I forgot to tell - he asked me to show my hands to him to make sure am I cutting or not.

[guilloche]

Thanks... I appreciate the input. So - it's important to mention? I know I keep getting stuck on this point... I assume it's something I *should* tell T? That he'd want to know?

Oh... and I did have a (new) T awhile ago who terminated me. We had 3 sessions... I liked her, and was trying to be honest and open... and while she didn't SAY it was because of the SI, I think it was. Her reasoning for not taking me on as a client was, "I'm going to be on vacation for 2 weeks, and you need help now... I don't think you can wait two weeks. So I won't be able to see you." - she didn't actually give me any referrals or anything, so the only thing I could figure out was - she couldn't deal with the SI. It sucked. I am starting to cautiously like this T. I don't want to make him fire me!

[Mikeyboy]

I had to take an intake assessment at the clinic where my therapist practices before I got assigned a therapist, and of course some of the questions related to this. I've hidden many aspects of what goes on inside my head for many, many years, but several months ago, when I decided enough was enough and to seek help, I resolved to be completely honest, frank, and upfront about everything I've ever done, thought, or felt.

So I was honest with the social worker administering the assessment, so she knew before I even sat down to begin speaking with her that I'd done it in the past and had done it again very recently.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by guilloche

...and while she didn't SAY it was because of the SI, I think it was. Her reasoning for not taking me on as a client was, "I'm going to be on vacation for 2 weeks, and you need help now... I don't think you can wait two weeks. So I won't be able to see you." - she didn't actually give me any referrals or anything, so the only thing I could figure out was - she couldn't deal with the SI...

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

...My T said he will terminate me if I do it...but my T was angry to me about it.

I had no idea that T's would terminate someone because they chose to self harm. Like the idea never crossed my mind. I'm sorry that happened to you guys and can see why you'd be weary to trust someone else with that information. If you can't be honest with T, who can you be honest with?

[guilloche]

Thanks TealBumblebee - I know, it's crazy, right?! Talk about feeding into ALL of my issues around abandonment and being "too much". Argh!

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T and Pdoc have made "comments" (I felt like they were threats) if my SI gets "worse" (meaning more frequent/severe).

But I did tell my T and Pdoc about my past SI at my first appts with them. Pdoc didn't really address it. T tried to use the threat: "If you SI, I can have you hospitalized". I called her out on that BS right away.

This last episode of SI, I got "threatened" real severely. I told my T that I don't need to be punished more for the SI, that it feels like I'm being punished for my honesty, and that right now I actually need MORE support because I'm in a fragile state. She agreed, and has since stopped the "threats".

My Pdoc... I haven't had the chance to fully confront her and I'm still extremely angry with her.

[ThisWayOut]

i have always told t's pretty soon, but it is because it's always been a "current" thing for me. new T knows I si, but does not know specifics, as I am not yet comfortable telling her.
I have not had any t's threaten to terminate me for si, but we have had many conversations about the si, and when/if it would be a prudent choice to seek inpatient as a chance to "break the addiction cycle" in the moment. I think I have been lucky in that respect. I have spoken about my si to crisis counselors and have been hospitalized by crisis workers for it, but they were never anyone I had any relationship with...

can you maybe tell your T, and also tell him your fears around telling him? tell him that the thought of talking about it worries you because you think it may increase the urges, and that you are worried he would terminate you for it?

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

I had no idea that T's would terminate someone because they chose to self harm. Like the idea never crossed my mind. I'm sorry that happened to you guys and can see why you'd be weary to trust someone else with that information. If you can't be honest with T, who can you be honest with?

I also think its weird if T terminates client because of this and I dont want to scare people but I think my T was afraid I could kill myself and he said if I did it I need to go impatient and he cant be my T. Maybe he was right but even if person needs to go impatient it doesnt mean he/she should be terminated. SI doesnt mean you have to go impatient, I was psychotic.
I agree that we need to be honest to our Ts to get help.

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

My T and Pdoc have made "comments" (I felt like they were threats) if my SI gets "worse" (meaning more frequent/severe).

But I did tell my T and Pdoc about my past SI at my first appts with them. Pdoc didn't really address it. T tried to use the threat: "If you SI, I can have you hospitalized". I called her out on that BS right away.

This last episode of SI, I got "threatened" real severely. I told my T that I don't need to be punished more for the SI, that it feels like I'm being punished for my honesty, and that right now I actually need MORE support because I'm in a fragile state. She agreed, and has since stopped the "threats".

My Pdoc... I haven't had the chance to fully confront her and I'm still extremely angry with her.

I'm sorry you went through that... yeah, I don't get it either. Doctors don't fire patients who get sicker. I can understand it must be horrible to watch someone doing this and not be able to get them to stop - but surely Ts/Pdocs realize that it's because people are in overwhelming pain (it was for me, anyway)... and that maybe threatening them is NOT an effective way to remove that pain?

Really frustrating... I just wish I had a better read on how he would react. So far, he seems pretty good. I guess I'm thinking back... his website says something like "there's a 4-6 week wait for initial appointments" - but there's not. I asked him about that (and asked him about his views of honesty with clients!) - and he said he's actually pretty honest and upfront, but that's not something he wants to change, because without it, he gets calls from new people wanting to schedule same day emergency visits. His comment was something along the lines of, "that's not what I do... I'm not running a crisis center".

That's all fine... but it definitely leaves me with a little tiny hint of... "Is this going to be too much? Is this going to be the thing that makes him say, 'you know, maybe I'm not the right person to help you - please go away now.'"

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

i have always told t's pretty soon, but it is because it's always been a "current" thing for me. new T knows I si, but does not know specifics, as I am not yet comfortable telling her.
I have not had any t's threaten to terminate me for si, but we have had many conversations about the si, and when/if it would be a prudent choice to seek inpatient as a chance to "break the addiction cycle" in the moment. I think I have been lucky in that respect. I have spoken about my si to crisis counselors and have been hospitalized by crisis workers for it, but they were never anyone I had any relationship with...

can you maybe tell your T, and also tell him your fears around telling him? tell him that the thought of talking about it worries you because you think it may increase the urges, and that you are worried he would terminate you for it?

Thanks for this. It's good to hear that your current T is talking to you about what the best approach is, rather than fighting with you!

I don't know if I can actually *talk* about it... I was thinking I'd just write it up for T. I feel silly giving him so much writing (after last week's stuff), but it's an easier, efficient way to give him information that he might need. Otherwise, for stuff like this, I tend to collapse into a black hole of nothingness that makes talking really incredibly hard!

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I also think its weird if T terminates client because of this and I dont want to scare people but I think my T was afraid I could kill myself and he said if I did it I need to go impatient and he cant be my T. Maybe he was right but even if person needs to go impatient it doesnt mean he/she should be terminated. SI doesnt mean you have to go impatient, I was psychotic.
I agree that we need to be honest to our Ts to get help.

I'm sorry you went through this... I really don't understand this idea that a T would tell you "if you do this, I can't be your T" (and that's what I'm afraid of)! It seems crazy to me, and seems like it would almost push you to do it and hide it...

[Espresso]

I think the topic was covered in the initial evaluation. I was asked directly or mostly directly about it, and I was honest.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by guilloche

I'm sorry you went through this... I really don't understand this idea that a T would tell you "if you do this, I can't be your T" (and that's what I'm afraid of)! It seems crazy to me, and seems like it would almost push you to do it and hide it...

No please dont be afraid
It doesnt push me to do it, I was scared of going to psych ward and it even motivated me to dont do it. Maybe he manipulated with me that way but most of Ts wouldnt do it.

[RedSun]

I told my T, because I had used it as an example of how my best friend and I had shared a secret of mine, and how she reacted, how I felt etc. my t said that the issue was like a massive elephant in the room so I told her about the SI. It was really hard to say, I literally could not get words out. Ughhhh. When I managed to say it, I felt okay.
But it actually triggered me quite badly and I SI d the following day
I don't know how I feel about it now, but I think it's important for a t to know. That way, if you're working through some difficult stuff, they can take your past coping strategies into account and help to find different ways to cope. Xxx

I told her at the first session. It had become a massive part of my life and I was desperate to stop, I always hated doing it but couldn't control myself, and I wanted her to help me stop. And thank God, she did. Am no longer a self harmer, and I'm proud of myself.

[guilloche]

Thanks. I've been thinking about this alot. I think I probably should tell him, but I might wait another session or so. Or maybe I'll write it up, and decide during the session. Since I gave him something very big/important to me (in writing) last time (at the end of the session), I think I need to wait and see his reaction... make sure he's not going to bring it up (I asked him not to). I think that will help a bit.

Espresso - Interesting that you got asked in the initial evaluation. I don't think I've ever had a T ask me outright.

Lunatic Soul - thanks, I'm glad that it worked out for you. For me, I would not do well with something that felt like a threat. It would make me mad, and probably act out or quit. Maybe, I guess it's hard to predict. I just think I'm having a hard enough time with "trust" - and this T is still very new - if he *were* to react badly to me, especially since I'm not actively doing anything, it would really make the whole T-thing even more difficult for me!

Red75 - thanks for this. Yeah, that's my fear... that if I force myself to tell him, even if he reacts perfectly fine, I may feel rotten afterwards, and it may make it that much harder to resist. I'm trying to keep some balance for myself!

8888an8888 - Congratulations! I'm glad she was able to help you stop, that's awesome!

Thanks everyone, sorry I was a bit slow responding today. Very tired day, spent alot of time laying around watching tv... and pondering therapy, of course!