Couch 78: Put your feet up and stay a while

Good luck BPA in your new endeavor. A new home of your own sounds exciting. All the best.

My puppy loves to lick my face clean. I read that it is a sign that he thinks he is my master, I think of it as a cheap exfoliant.

I think it is okay to say angry things to a therapist. Tell him at the next appointment.

Putting my 900th post on the couch. Its taken me so long to get here...

Looks like youre averaging one a day, whether you need to or not

So glad we don't have to talk about the trauma stuff and that you said you won't ask me again.

That's true. It's still really strange though. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel (right now all I know is that it's tough to wait for another couple of weeks until I get some real answers and actual results).

hahaha - just have to laugh, never ending story with my sister. Eventually they're coming today, but I just got the text that their new car broke, so now we have to wait for the news what is wrong with it, would they take another car, plane, not com at all... Thus, again it's not their fault but I start believing that "something" is really against their visit

While you're averaging in the neighborhood of 13 a day.... We started the same year but I seem to recall that date was a return to PC for you. Maybe I'm confusing you with someone else?

Wondering how Squirrel is doing. Squirrel?

Wanna do a pact thing? I need to say some angry things to my T, too, and I think I should try to do it tomorrow. If I can do it, you can.

I don't think anyone can tell you how you are supposed to feel.

How do you feel?

Yes! I see him on Friday and I am still angry, now.. so I think I really need to talk him about my feelings!!

That's the thing. I don't know how I feel (except that I'm worried).

I remember us pming. No thats when i joined for the first time. But i was having a hard time at the beginning. It felt like trying to get a swing on a busy cliquish playground! I kept turning around and going "home" whenever my feelings got hurt, which was all the time! Why was nobody talking to me? It was awful! But now here we are 3 years older, 3 years smarter, 3 years more gorgeous!

God, I hope karma is actually a thing.

There is a neighbor girl that my daughter was friends with for a long time. When they got to the age where kids start going and doing stuff away from home, the other girl's parents would never let her go and do anything with anyone. They would SAY they would let her and then at the last minute, not let her go for some reason or another. I kept telling D, it was not this girl's fault, but my D could not see why the girl would not just stand up to her parents, particularly after they hit their teens. The girl kept trying to explain to D how super "protective" her parents were. I went to talk to the mom and I realized at some point, that this girl had parents like mine. Mom wanted to control EVERYTHING this girl did, and when she did let her go to the mall or whatever with my another kid, mom went along and even went into every store with them. She quite literally would not let the kid out of her sight.

D couldn't handle a friendship where she could never rely on plans they made, and stopped even trying to hang out with the girl outside of school. I tried to keep the lines of communication open and asked as subtly as possible about abuse. Finally told her point blank that I knew what it is like to have parents like that, and that abuse is often involved when parents are that controlling. She told me what a huge relief it was to have someone who understood it was not so easy to stand up to them and it did no good and she was helpless. She said there was no physical abuse involved, just extreme control.

Anyway, fast forward to now, and the girl posted on facebook about an animal emergency. Mom and Dad will not help her at all and are willing to stand by and watch helpless animals die. I went to help her this morning and am taking the animals to the vet in a little while when they open. I drove her to school (she had to beg for permission for me to take her to school and she is a senior in high school). On the drive, she told me that her parents still won't let her drive, won't let her get a job, and now are telling her because she did not have a job, there is no money for college other than the local junior college, AND they would not give her their credit card number to sign up for the SAT or ACT, nor would they do it for her. They told her she would have to just live at home and do the junior college.

D and I had already talked about this possible scenario (although we had no CLUE about the ACT thing. Who the **** DOES that to their child???). [edited to take out too many details provided.]

Feeling so angry and aggressive right now. The more this girl talked, the more I could see how very closely her life has matched mine, other than the physical abuse. Parents who neglect animals and make the kid just watch them die. Parents who control what time the kid goes to bed and then makes them get up ludicrously early for no apparent reason. Parents who will not allow the kid to do anything ever with friends. They let her go on dates, but strictly time them so she has no extra time to do anything other than what they have told the parents they are doing. My H thinks it is weird that both my parents and this girl's would not allow "girl time" or going out with other girls, but would allow dating. I think it is because not allowing dating would be so far over the line that other people would notice and the parents are trying to create the appearance of "normal."

Anyway. Sorry for the tirade. Just trying to calm down before I drive the animals to the vet.

I have a similar situation in my family. It made me very very sad. You cant wait for karma. You cant DO anything, but if karma knows youre waiting for it, it hides!

MKAC- sounds exactly like my mother growing up. She was VERY controlling and emotionally abusive. I rebelled, fled, got married and moved to another state. I haven't talked to my mother in 20 years and I don't regret it at all.

Just hearing that story MKAC pisses me off. I had a friend like that...my sister taught her to drive and took her to take her drivers test...without her parents knowledge. She qualified for a full tuition scholarship for pre med at a great university but since parents refused to sign FAFSA and she wasn't 18 she couldn't go. She actually moved out and lived with a teacher and got a job while going to high school..and filed to be an emancipated minor because she didn't turn 18 till August after high school. She won that and it was adios to her family. She lived with different people... went to state schools... she never did become a doctor but she does have a degree, loves what she does, is happily married with 3 kids.

This girl has options even if she doesn't see them... . She doesn't need to have a parent to sign up for SATs...anyone who has money could sign her up with her help. Also, on the morning of SATs, you jump out your window...run down the road and get picked up by a friend. Some punishments are worth enduring. In our area there are lots of programs for homeless college students.

There are options.

Personally, if I were her I would sic the guidance office on her mom for not getting signed up for SATs. A call from the guidance office saying there were shocked that such a great student wasn't signed up to take the exam could "shame" her parents into doing it. And the parents don't even have to know the daughter told the guidance office. If they are concerned about what other people think this could work.

This is why I didn't become a social worker because I have this intense desire to adopt ever child in need.

MKAC - that sounds terrible. i know a girl that just turned 18 that deals with depression. i've tried talking with her mother but no one thinks it's serious (she confided that she'd deal with some suicidal ideation and i've watched it get worse and yes, i, with her permission, spoke with her parents).

while her parents are controlling they aren't abusive in that sense. now that she's 18 she's got more freedom and so i've just kept the line of communication open, let her feel safe talking to me, etc.

but i guess i was sharing that to say i empathize with seeing someone in a similar situation. my parents treated my depression like it was nothing despite knowing i was suicidal

Phew... my classroom is finally all set up!! Staff development tomorrow afternoon, and then open house tomorrow evening. I can't believe school starts next week!!!!!

I had a tough year last year staying on top of depression/anxiety during the school year, T and I talked inpatient many times in the winter. I really hope, that I don't repeat the cycle this school year!

I have two friends whose marriage was very similar to my parent's marriage. Being able to watch that without being directly involved helped me to understand the dynamics. It showed me why my mother behaved the way she did.

Honestly I am not sure if everyone needs to take the SATs anymore (I know that I really didn't want to take them and I am still mad at my parents for making me), a growing number of Colleges and Universities no longer require applicants to take the SATs in order to gain admission. I have also said a number of times before that you really don't need to go to College anymore in order to have a successful career.

Can't you take SATs at any age? So she could take them later if need be.

It must be a relief to have your classroom ready to go. I know lots of teachers and they are in varying stages of preparation.
Definitely routing for you not to have any repeat of last year's dep/anx issues. Hopefully you and t will be able to respond quickly if symptoms crop up. I have a friend who was diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder. She takes special meds to ward off depression she gets only in the winter. Made me think of her when you mentioned the winter time difficulties you had.

College is not a trade school. Education is always useful whether it directly leads to career or not.