Couch 78: Put your feet up and stay a while

I had my last assessment session today. This whole situation is so strange. I honestly don't know if I should feel sad or relieved or both.

Did she indicate what "the" diagnosis was?

Hey, Granite, check in soon and let us know how it went.

Wikid, if you're reading, my D and I are talking about going to volunteer at our local wildlife rehab place, if we can make it work in our schedules.

She basically said she believes I have Asperger's Syndrome (well, I guess it's technically just called "autism spectrum disorder" nowadays) and that she just needs to discuss the whole thing with a colleague before coming to an official conclusion. Then she gave me various examples of why she thinks I have it (though we'll be discussing it all in detail soon). I can't guarantee that I'll get the diagnosis, but it's very likely and it feels really strange. Can't really explain it. Part of me is in denial.

wow I think that is awesome .

Are you done? How did it go?

My T said something really helpful today. We were discussing my anger and disgust at myself that I keep sliding off into the pit. He suggested was caused by a series of emotional flashbacks, which made sense to me. I was still upset at myself that it just keeps happening. He told me it was probably going to always happen periodically throughout my life and the goal is to be more aware of the triggers for the emotional flashbacks and start grounding right away and do so more often than I am. I was really angry about that because I just want to be ****ing normal. However, the helpful thing he said was that "EVERYONE has their stuff. It's just something different for each person and it's normal to have to deal with your stuff throughout your life." He compared it to people who have diabetes. They have to check their blood sugar and take insulin when it gets too off. I have to check my emotional status in the face of certain triggers, and do grounding stuff when I start getting 'off.' Someone with diabetes has to be aware of what they eat and adjust accordingly. I have to be aware of my triggers and be prepared to deal with them. That comparison really settled things down for me inside my head. It really helped me to be less angry with myself. I know the comparison isn't on all fours (in the legal jargon), but it was really helpful for me.

sometimes I just love my T. I ended up telling her about going to help the mother and she was great . no she doesn't condone me going but she didn't scold me for going and almost understood why. instead she did help me some with telling me that it might be therapeutic for me to call her out on some of the stuff she pulls. it was really a good talk. I left feeling empowered .I don't know if this was her intention but that is how I felt. now she is on vacation for next week

That is awesome!

Remember, a diagnosis doesn't change what you are. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

I just can't go on like this anymore. I can't take it. I always appear okay, calm and in control/positive but tonight I have had so much to deal with, I have been told I am a waste of space/useless one time too many. I give up.

who was telling you this ? it isn't true

Aaa, you have helped me get through this summer. Fwiw, you are an important person to me.

My husband!

maybe thins might be a good time to re read the list of changes you are wanting to make . maybe a baby step by trying to not take in what he is saying

My 16 year old has had a massive argument with his father. I am so upset. My 11 year old is sick and also upset. It's a massive mess. I just don't know what to do. I can't take it anymore. Maybe I am all the things he says: a parasite, useless at cooking/cleaning, a useless wife and mother, lazy, overweight, ugly, passive. He says it's my fault my sons great me disrespectfully - but they copy him.

All those things your h says is called verbal abuse. Just because your h says it doesn't make it so. You have choices...even though it might not feel like it...maybe a baby step choice to change would be replacing the crap he tells you with some truth...

I doubt you are useless... Perhaps you should list all the things you've done this week just as a start. For me I could say I went grocery shopping... I went to work...etc...

It's really hard to do while in an abusive situation...but you can ignore the stuff he says or walk away or go in bathroom and lock the door or put headphones on and listen to music...these are all things my friend in a verbally abusive marriage does.

Sad sad sad sad sad...

Oh wait im seeing you tomorrow T. Finally.

I just started "Empire of a Summer Moon, " by S. C. Gwynne. Very compelling tale of the Comanche nation. Anybody read it?

BPA, two of my guitar gods doing a classic. I hope you enjoy.

Whoever told you that is a dork.

There's really only one thing to do: move out. See how he likes his own cooking and cleaning.

(Easy to say. Not so easy to do...)

CE nailed it. Dork City.

24hrs after my last post about wanting to email angry things to t... I still want to say angry things to him!! Gah!!

Healed, Let 'er rip here, if it will help. you are among friends. What is the worst that would happen if you told him?

Thanks for the music Ike

Now photos of dogs hugging their humans
26 Dogs Hugging Their Humans | Bored Panda