Have you spent time in T processing previous Ts?

My shrinks all cover for each other and are in the same reading group so it would feel weird to go into detail about what each one did or didn't do, at least I think. I don't know since I don't do it. I do mention some conclusion or interpretation that might be interesting to the other therapist. I have said that I outgrew a certain style and needed something else, but that was not too personally directed.

Once when I brought in some things a former shrink gave to me, turtle prints from the pacific, my current shrink seemed annoyed. He later asked why I had brought them in. I explained that I was trying to describe when the turtle became I kind of symbol for me and what it has meant. I think he thought I was showing him how generous the former shrink was in bringing me things from his vacations when he doesn't do those things at all.

They are human. They have pettiness and also make potentially huge, harmful mistakes. That has happened to me, but I have not gone over that, maybe mentioned? but certainly not processed.

I see a second therapist purely to discuss my relationship and transference issues with the first. The second one has been extremely helpful. He's giving me the courage to leave the first one, as it's been extremely complicated and our dynamic has been shaken.

Yeah, funny that a T should be so touchy about being liked. Mine actually attacked me about it - 'you don't like me! you hate coming here to talk to me!'. It hurt like hell too because it was a very vulnerable moment for me. This woman has a PsyD, is maybe 10 or so years older than me, has a grown family and it's her second career. She had to have gone back to school when her kids were in their early teens at most, so I know she must've worked darn hard for it. Yeah, mind-boggling... And the thing is, I adore her...

(((JustShaky))) Sorry you had to go through that too... it's crazy. I keep wanting to tell my current-T, "you know, we need to make sure at least ONE person in the room is sane... and we know that's not going to be ME"

I wish there were a "secret shopping" service for Ts! It was/is so hard for me to see that some of the craziness wasn't really *me*, and that my T should have been able to handle it better.

One of the things that makes me hopeful about current T (and forgive me if I've already said this) is he has a very strong presence... I think (hope) that means a strong sense of self that's not going to get sucked into my stuff. When I gave him the list of things that had freaked me out (from a previous visit), he joked that he has "pretty good self-confidence" - but said it in a way that sounded like he really was very comfortable with it, and himself. Unlike previous T, who made jokes that highlighted him thinking that I didn't like him. It's all so weird.

Thanks!

Mouse - thanks, I'm curious about the "triangulate" thing. When I was seeing old T, I also was doing email-T at the same time (to help me understand why T was going so badly). Email T was *great* and told me he'd only talk to me if I also stayed in face-to-face T... but real-T hated it. He didn't tell me outright to stop, but said I was "triangulating" (without explaining anymore) . Instead of making me feel bad about it, I wish he could have a) seen that it was a helpful thing for me and b) realized that part of it was that I *couldn't* talk to him about how awful therapy was going for me... and maybe tried to help some with that. Frustrating experience.

RTerroni and Artemis-Within - thanks!

Archipelago - Wow! Great example though... see that's what makes me crazy. The whole point of therapy is to deal with your (the client's) own stuff. I can't understand why a (good!) T would let themselves get pulled in to stuff, like thinking you're accusing them of not being generous enough? Even if that's what you really wanted to convey, shouldn't they be... I don't know, not emotional about it? Like explore why you feel like that's important, and what not?

Winenot3 - thanks for this. I'm glad the 2nd therapist was helpful, and it makes so much sense! I'm not there yet with this T (I'm still pretty new), but it's good to hear about it, should things go wonky in the future!

Anyway, thanks! Like I said, I've got this on my list... I just don't think I'm going to make it to this item this week... there's a couple other more pressing things to talk about. But, soon. We'll see if it helps! Thanks.

It was crazy, but I'm making it worth it. As I told T it was an awful way to learn some very hard truths about myself. I'd be doing myself a disservice not to use the experience I think, seeing as the price I paid for the knowledge was so high.

My T has a very strong presence too. He seems very comfortable laughing at himself and one of the first things he told me was that he will admit it when he makes a mistake: something that previous T simply could not face. He also knows her personally, which admittedly works both ways, as I'm a little jealous, but he knows it was a real thing, and not just me being dramatic or something.

I have, but it wasn't a bad T I was processing, it was a good T (the best I have ever had, actually) who needed to terminate with me and did so properly (and ethically), but it was still a huge loss.
The T I processed the loss with was a referral given to me by the other T...they spoke on the phone in advance of my first appt., which was helpful, so the second T knew what was going on (and what he was in for, ha) before I arrived.

ETA: I have also gone back and seen my childhood T since seeing this T and she was a horrible ***** to me, so I processed that with this T as well (plus a few terrible pdoc experiences), so he has heard a lot about other Ts/pdocs, and has always been extremely supportive and helpful.

My primary T before this one was great and then the more intense the trauma work got, I started thinking that there was something about me that made her crazy. She actually yelled at me several times, she shut down my feelings and my process constantly, she let me leave sessions totally disassociated, and then one time after I sat in the parking lot for three hours trying to figure out how to drive the car, I called her emergency line, and she told me to come back in the waiting room, and I said I couldn't, she had a fit and hung up. I was too embarrassed to tell her I had wet my pants sometime during that dissociation. (The only time whatever happened, but God, it was embarrassing. We ended things soon after that, and I went to another therapist quite quickly, and we spent about 8 sessions processing that t relationship. Also, while I was still seeing bad t, I saw another t to try to figure out what I was doing wrong.