T's own issues

Ugh, I feel so crappy posting about this, but it is playing on my mind more than it should.

My T is currently going through a rough patch in his own life; he hasn't given me a lot of details for obvious reasons but he alluded to the fact he is under a great deal of strain personally and says he has to "make sure he is fit to practice". He is only a part time T and has another job working with people with physical disabilities, which i think is contributing to his stress.

It has raised lots of conflicting emotions in me. I am having to do a lot of personal processing to ensure I am keeping my own emotional needs my priority, because I have a history of sacrificing my own feelings in order to help others.
I asked him if moving to fortnightly sessions would be helpful, and he said possibly, but deep down I know I need the weekly contact.
The other side is that I can't completely disregard his emotional wellbeing because if he is not emotionally ok then therapy will be ineffective.

The only possible solution I can think to suggest is a temporary referral to a different T to give him some breathing space to sort his own material out with a view to returning to him eventually. I wouldn't want to leave him permanently because I have invested a lot in him in terms of disclosure and he understands me well. The therapy is very good at the moment and I am making good progress.

The added potential complication is that this situation is stirring up feelings for him that really are a desire to care for him, which is obviously not conducive to therapy.

I feel that I am able to process all of this and keep a check of these feelings and continue to have the same productive therapy we always have. I just don't know whether he is in a place to offer me the support I need at the moment.

You're not responsible for your T's emotional well-being. If he can't give you what you need, then you need to see a different T, who is emotionally capable of helping you.

Perhaps there's a lesson for you here about advocating for yourself? Your T's been vague so far, what if you told him the truth: that you need weekly therapy and a fully committed T and that you're tempted to take care of him, such as by cutting back yourself, and then let him respond to that?

Thanks, intellectually I know that's true, but it can't reverse the emotional investment and the attachment, nor the good work we've already done together. Starting over would be horrendous. I think I could manage seeing a different T for a while to keep weekly contact for current material but all the historical stuff, IDK, don't feel I could do it all over again. I think this won't be permanent, but it is still a little unsettling for me right now.

Thanks, I think I am just going to have to be honest with him about that. I think he feels a duty of care to me and that it would be unethical to suggest any kind of lessening of sessions because I have severe rejection issues he doesn't want to trigger. It leaves me second guessing what his needs are. If he doesn't look after himself therapy will be ineffective anyway.

Oh geez, I'm sorry. How rotten... to have found a T that understands you and is helpful, and then to have him possibly be leaving.

Did he give any indication of when he'll know if he's fit for practice? To me, the fact that he's assessing this is a really good sign - it means he's aware of how his emotional state affects his clients, and wants to make sure that he's capable of being there for you. That's great. I just would hate to be stuck in this place of limbo, waiting to hear if he's going to stay or not, for long. So, if he hasn't told you yet... I think you should absolutely ask him.

Have you thought about asking him directly... if he decides he can't continue, what's the plan? Since he knows you so well, it's possible that he might be able to give you a really great referral that will work well for you (rather than just random other Ts that he thinks well of).

I'm sorry if I'm jumping the gun here... and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I hope he makes a decision one way or the other, so that you can figure out the next steps... rather than being stuck in this place of not knowing what's going to happen

That's exactly what I thought. I was so grateful he was able to be honest with me (we had the discussion after the session too so he didn't bring it up on 'my time') and I feel so strongly that he has my best interests at heart.

I don't get the feeling he wants to stop practicing, but he's working hard to work through his issues. I just don't know how to balance my needs with making sure he has the space to make sure he's ok.
Thanks

I guess I just want to say that I empathize with you...one of my Ts is going through some crap right now, too (although I do believe he is fit to practice, it just kinda reminded me of your post). And although I know he is taking care of himself and he has friends and family to help him as well, it's hard not to want to help take of him, too.
It sounds like your T is aware that he needs to make sure he takes care of himself first so he can take care of his clients as well. I hope you are able to work out some sense of what is to come with him in the future and that you won't need to decrease your sessions or switch Ts, even temporarily.

Thanks for this. I'm glad your T has people to support him. It makes you realise they are human

Yeah I would say if you are close enough that you feel comfortable saying this, just tell him what you told us here. This is a difficult situation and the good thing is that your concern is only likely to make your T feel your care and concern and maybe your openness to temporary change will allow him to come out with it and say what he prefers. Then you can once and for all put it at the back of your mind and not worry about it everyday cause frankly it may seem like the elephant in the room and I wonder if your therapy sessions are really as productive as they could be.

I do feel comfortable enough with him to be honest. It's going to be hard to wait a week, but it does seem like a face-to-face kind of topic.
I think what I really want is to know what he needs and to work out a solution that works for us both. You're right though it's a difficult situation.

I'm so sorry I've had similar concerns about my T too. She also has another institutional job working with teenagers at a residential program. I wish so much that she would quit that job. I think that job only causes her stress.