[HazelGirl]

My T talks about how when we experience trauma, our hearts go into hiding, they close off, and we go numb.

Anyone else's T say anything similar? Anyone know where these thoughts comes from? I haven't been able to find anything relating to them online.

[Leah123]

Well, dissociation or numbing are common responses to trauma: we get overwhelmed and so shut down protectively. You could call it a heart going into hiding: we get scared and retreat emotionally, as we often can't retreat physically from the trauma, the mind does what it can.

[HazelGirl]

So maybe it's just her words for dissociation? She says dissociation as well, so maybe it's a way for her to describe it that makes sense to get average clients?

[stopdog]

Not the heart thing, but the woman has talked about numb or lack of feeling. Even if she thought the heart bit of it, if the woman has even the tiniest of observational skills, she would not go to heart talk with me.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

My T talks about how when we experience trauma, our hearts go into hiding, they close off, and we go numb.

Anyone else's T say anything similar? Anyone know where these thoughts comes from? I haven't been able to find anything relating to them online.

Yeah, I would say she is describing dissociation - emotional dissociation in particular. My T will ask me what my heart wants and all I can say is I don't know. I've hidden my heart so well I've forgotten where I put it.

I call it being frozen - I have images to go with it that describes the feeling better but I haven't been able to put them into words yet. Sort of like frozen white marble surrounded by ice...

That is so sad to hear.

I've read that trauma inhibits the ability to both give and receive love fully.

Depressing.

[EnormousCabbage]

My T talks about hiding away vulnerable parts of ourselves. She hasn't said 'heart' specifically. I'm fairly sure I've come across ideas couched in these sorts of terms but I can't remember where - if I do I will come back and post a link.

[growlithing]

"Our hearts go into hiding"... she wouldn't say that unless she wanted me to (playfully) mock her for months. So cheesy.

I guess the new intern I just started seeing speaks English as a second language. I don't know her very well at all and I have no idea what kinds of things she would say. Her English seems pretty good but it's still a second language for her. I would not give someone a hard time for saying something corny like that when a non native speaker will always just use phrases a little differently than a native speaker would.

[Aloneandafraid]

Just yesterday we were discussing my "numb" state and she explained that this is something either flight or fight and the third option is freeze. Actually I was so embarrassed at this point I don't remember exactly what she said but she reassured me that it was okay not to fight back when being attacked (verbally) by friends and family - that this is a way of coping. I am very ashamed and embarrassed but it was good to hear this.

[sweepy62]

She didn't say the heart thing, she did say our feelings go numb and we go into hiding. I understand what she meant by the heart thing. We sometimes lose empathy along the way, because we do lock and hide those positive as well as negative feelings.

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[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by growlithing

"Our hearts go into hiding"... she wouldn't say that unless she wanted me to (playfully) mock her for months. So cheesy.

I guess the new intern I just started seeing speaks English as a second language. I don't know her very well at all and I have no idea what kinds of things she would say. Her English seems pretty good but it's still a second language for her. I would not give someone a hard time for saying something corny like that when a non native speaker will always just use phrases a little differently than a native speaker would.

I don't think it's cheesy or corny , to each his own in my oppinion , the way I took it is that , like I said we tend to numb our feelings shut down, so we lose some empathy along the way, due to this. That's how I take it. Just a truthful metaphor . If I was to run away every time somebody said something "cheesy" or corny, I would be one lonely miserable person. There's alot of meaning behind a persons words. That's just me because I'm always analyzing .

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[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by skies_

That is so sad to hear.

I've read that trauma inhibits the ability to both give and receive love fully.

Depressing.

Yes, my T has said something similar to this as well. She talked about how if I am closed off, I can't give or receive love or connect to others fully, or be fully known. It's odd because I've lived this way my whole life.

Originally Posted by growlithing

"Our hearts go into hiding"... she wouldn't say that unless she wanted me to (playfully) mock her for months. So cheesy.

I guess the new intern I just started seeing speaks English as a second language. I don't know her very well at all and I have no idea what kinds of things she would say. Her English seems pretty good but it's still a second language for her. I would not give someone a hard time for saying something corny like that when a non native speaker will always just use phrases a little differently than a native speaker would.

I did think of it as cheesy and weird (and somethingi didn't understand) at first. But I think she's right.

She's been saying recently as I tell her about how much more things are impacting me emotionally (I have been more sad, angry, upset, etc...) that it's my heart "waking up" and finally allowing me to feel what others feel all the time. I'm not sure I'm a fan of that yet. It's a little overwhelming because I am not used to it.

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Just yesterday we were discussing my "numb" state and she explained that this is something either flight or fight and the third option is freeze. Actually I was so embarrassed at this point I don't remember exactly what she said but she reassured me that it was okay not to fight back when being attacked (verbally) by friends and family - that this is a way of coping. I am very ashamed and embarrassed but it was good to hear this.

Mine has mentioned freezing when dealing with trauma and abuse as well. I think that's how I handle what I went through.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

She didn't say the heart thing, she did say our feelings go numb and we go into hiding. I understand what she meant by the heart thing. We sometimes lose empathy along the way, because we do lock and hide those positive as well as negative feelings.

It's very true that I lost empathy for others. I have had such a hard time being able to connect with others and understand them, and really be there for them because of it. It felt too threatening to allow myself to really feel with them.

[JustShakey]

Until recently I used to think people were being deliberately dramatic or fake when they were being emotional. I guess I just couldn't even begin to understand it. Thinking something is cheesy or corny is kinda similar. These days I make myself cringe at times. It's strange, I guess I'm starting to feel but I 'know' I shouldn't. I'll be glad when I get all of me on the same page

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

So maybe it's just her words for dissociation? She says dissociation as well, so maybe it's a way for her to describe it that makes sense to get average clients?

Yeah I think some people have a hard time wrapping their brains around the technical explanation of disassociation, but when you say you shut down emotionally or put up a wall, it makes sense to the most people. Your T's language is too flowery for me, but it appeals more to some people.

[precaryous]

No, my T hasn't said anything like this that I can remember.

To me, it means once my heart was broken I do not trust easily anymore.

I have always been a highly emotional person. I'm still highly emotional. I don't feel numb.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by JustShakey

Until recently I used to think people were being deliberately dramatic or fake when they were being emotional. I guess I just couldn't even begin to understand it. Thinking something is cheesy or corny is kinda similar. These days I make myself cringe at times. It's strange, I guess I'm starting to feel but I 'know' I shouldn't. I'll be glad when I get all of me on the same page

This is exactly how I felt. I always thought they were trying to get attention or were over reacting. Now I'm feeling the same things

Originally Posted by Lauliza

Yeah I think some people have a hard time wrapping their brains around the technical explanation of disassociation, but when you say you shut down emotionally or put up a wall, it makes sense to the most people. Your T's language is too flowery for me, but it appeals more to some people.

Right. It can be hard to understand.

Her language is very flowery, lol. It took some getting used to on my end. I still don't speak that way, though.

Originally Posted by precaryous

No, my T hasn't said anything like this that I can remember.

To me, it means once my heart was broken I do not trust easily anymore.

I have always been a highly emotional person. I'm still highly emotional. I don't feel numb.

Yeah, my T has used it in the context of trusting people, too. And how we stop trusting after a point, and have to relearn how to trust.

[archipelago]

My therapist is very interested in dissociation and uses the term openly, but that may not cover all of what your therapist is saying. Mine also says that we lose parts of ourselves, parts that get stuck with the trauma. That makes sense to me. It also is really clear that it must be true since DID is caused by repeated trauma and is the extreme instance of parts of ourselves being lost from the main self.

Some people who write about this believe that all of us have mildly dissociated selves. That we are a collection of different selves, and some of these are not as acknowledged or accepted as others, sometimes because of trauma. These parts are felt as "not me" and when they come into awareness, it really turns things upside down. Still that is the first step toward reintegrating. So I guess what's important is to see the loss or whatever as not a permanent type of thing or as a defect.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by archipelago

My therapist is very interested in dissociation and uses the term openly, but that may not cover all of what your therapist is saying. Mine also says that we lose parts of ourselves, parts that get stuck with the trauma. That makes sense to me. It also is really clear that it must be true since DID is caused by repeated trauma and is the extreme instance of parts of ourselves being lost from the main self.

Some people who write about this believe that all of us have mildly dissociated selves. That we are a collection of different selves, and some of these are not as acknowledged or accepted as others, sometimes because of trauma. These parts are felt as "not me" and when they come into awareness, it really turns things upside down. Still that is the first step toward reintegrating. So I guess what's important is to see the loss or whatever as not a permanent type of thing or as a defect.

Interesting. Thanks.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

This is exactly how I felt. I always thought they were trying to get attention or were over reacting. Now I'm feeling the same things

Yup. Now I'm trying to get past the idea that I'm not attention seeking or being a nuisance being this way. I literally tie knots in my hair trying to talk about this with T.

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Her language is very flowery, lol. It took some getting used to on my end. I still don't speak that way, though.

I love flowery, descriptive language and obscure vocabulary, but I get so embarrassed when I use it I can remember my dad praising the use of simple words when I was growing up. I think deep down he felt the same way as I do though and was trying to convince himself as much as me.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by archipelago

Some people who write about this believe that all of us have mildly dissociated selves. That we are a collection of different selves, and some of these are not as acknowledged or accepted as others, sometimes because of trauma. These parts are felt as "not me" and when they come into awareness, it really turns things upside down.

This.
A few years back I was learning to play tennis - something entirely new to me and I really had to push past some major walls. In the process I 'met' a very young part of me that I had not been previously aware of. It was a... Well, it was kind of an indescribable experience, very intense. It was the beginning of this journey that I'm on.
It was also how I started learning to self-comfort, even though I didn't like this part of me at first and tried my best to shut her up. I've come a long way since then.

[archipelago]

I believe you and it's cool that it started a journey for you. I also understand that it was hard at first. I also understand that it is indescribable. That's why I try to read what people say about this since they have language that helps describe it.

Mine was so young it was pre-verbal. I didn't even believe such things were possible, but it was definitely happening and very intensely. My therapist recognized it right away; I took much longer to handle it. It was a profound experience.

But it also was a version of that "not me" or lost/discarded part suddenly becoming conscious. Boy, it turned everything around. It actually triggered every other trauma like a chain reaction. Very intense, but in the end very healing.