[lunatic soul]

I'm thinking about going to therapy while taking mdma, my friend told me it helps to be open and talk about everything without anxiety and he has a book about this substance where was written about using this drug at therapy session and that it was hepful.
Yes it's illegal and I know I can lose my T once again or even worse got to the police or psych ward that's why I think I will go together with my friend till the T's door and ask him to wait for me.

Has anyone did something like that? What drugs did you take? Was it helpful or horrible?
Do you think it's good or bad idea?

I'm too anxious at sessions, I can't open myself, I'm blocked and can't get right words out of my mouth and last sessions was drama and I wanted to kill myself because I felt too horrible.

[iheartjacques]

I don't do illicit drugs but I was on painkillers today. I did tell t. I just got out of hospital so I had a legitimate reason.

I think that in general it is a very bad idea to take illegal drugs. Just because this worked for somebody else in therapy does not mean it is a good idea for you - people react differently to drugs.

It is very common to have trouble being open in session, but a good therapist will be able to help you with this. Allow it to take time. And it is possible to get prescriptions for medication that can help with anxiety - but it is less likely that you will get that kind of help if you take illegal drugs.

[guilloche]

I wouldn't. I don't do drugs either, but there's other reasons why this might be a bad idea...

- Have you ever taken it before? If not, you don't know how you'll react. What if you have a bad reaction, get sick, or get more anxious?

- If it does work, and you're more open and talkative... will you regret it when the drug wears off? Will it make more anxious and unhappy later, when you realize you've said things that maybe weren't willing to share?

- This isn't a good way to overcome anxiety, in my opinion (and I have tons of anxiety too). It's trying to shortcut creating a safe environment and learning to trust your T, and using a drug to cope with the emotion. If you have anxiety - that's OK. That's important, and it's probably there for a reason. It's better to work through it - talk about it, work with your T to feel safer, take small risks until you can trust your T. This can take time... but again, that's ok!

Have you thought about any other ways to work with your T on this? (And, this is a fairly new T for you, right? So some anxiety is totally normal!). Have you thought about writing things you want to tell your T, or talking to them about the anxiety? Does he/she know how anxious you feel?

[stopdog]

No. I think it is a very bad plan to be under the influence and in less control around a therapist. I have no objection to taking recreational drugs in general.

[archipelago]

I know that there is an ongoing study that uses MDMA along with intensive therapy for chronic PTSD. I considered that and decided once to take some seeds that are perfectly legal but do produce effects like a drug and go into therapy. I made arrangements not to drive and told my therapist before we started.

But it turns out that I didn't need to do that. It really had no effect on the therapy, except I was more distracted. And in the end because I couldn't come down to baseline, it had a negative effect.

I read more about the study and concluded that there is another explanation why the MDMA might be working--that people get 8 hours or so of monitoring and attention.

I went to therapy the next time with exactly the same agenda but this time not even coffee in my system. It was far better. I was clear. I felt what I needed to feel about past things. I was able to speak more readily. And when it was done, I was able to feel closure, put it away, and move on.

So yes, I have done something like that, thinking that it might be productive. But no, it wasn't and instead made things harder both in session and certainly afterwards because I was still high for hours and there was nothing I could do to bring me down. And it wasn't pleasant.

What about trying to write out at least a beginning to what you would say if you felt more able to speak? I did that with some trauma work. I wrote out the start of the story, let him read it aloud, and then told the rest of the story. It was a nice way for me to approach a difficult topic and for him to actually get it. And it worked. I did that for about 3 traumatic events, and all the rest went away. I haven't been triggered since I did that work. The MDMA is not the healing force; it is you and working in therapy.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Be patient with yourself and take as much time as you need to open up. I like the suggestion of writing things down before session and giving it to your T to help you get started. Trying to face things under the influence of anything doesn't really provide any closure, the true feelings are masked and never really faced.
It took me a very long time to open up in therapy, never speaking above a whisper and trying so hard to disappear. I used my journal and sketchbook to help get things started.

I suck toffees in session sometimes.

[vonmoxie]

I consider the anti-depressants I used to take at the insistence of my pdoc to be "drugs", and my responses were certainly "influenced." Sadly the effects were not positive for me.

In the early days of MDMA, before it was outlawed, there were many in the psych field who were encouraged by its effects, and actively utilizing it in therapy with much success.

However, I don't think that in the current climate it would be wise either to secretly be on it, nor to inquire with anyone in the psych field about doing so as I suspect it would very likely put strain on your therapy relationship. It's "illicit" now, grouped in with all kinds of truly terrible drugs, despite the therapeutic promise it showed. (And from what I understand, what's around nowadays is quite a bit "dirtier", mixed in with other drugs of origin that can only be known with access to a laboratory, and therefore could not be counted on for a purely MDMA experience as was once the case, when it first came into use decades ago.)

I'd be hesitant to bring it up even in a scientific context with a therapist, with their proclivity for analyzing and looking for hidden meaning.

[Petra5ed]

I think that's a very bad idea lunatic soul, you probably will lose your t if you do that. It's hard enough to have an emotional connection sober but I would argue impossible on MDMA since there's no way he could relate to the state you're in. You'd also be highly sexually charged, I'd say it sounds dangerous. Your t will think he's no good for you if you do this, Id be worried for you.

I've never gone very high, but I've taken Xanax before sessions which I'm prescribed too. I think it's better when I go sober now, apts just go better for me and I feel like I get more out of it.

[lunatic soul]

Thanks everyone for replies

Petra, my friend who took this told me that mdma doesn't make sexual wishes but you just love the world and people but not in sexual way, he said that man even can't have sex while taking mdma. I also was worried about it.

I really afraid to lose my T but when I'm sober I destroy everything good and make drama all the time, Xanax and stuff like that doesn't help me. I'm normal when I'm on drugs, I'm sick when I'm sober.

Yes, it's good idea to write everything down and I started to do this to better understand myself and I also started to draw but the problem is that when I have to talk about it I say 3% of what I wrote and it doesn't make any sense, T also ask useless questions and disturbs me to tell what I wanted to tell. Okay I had idea to give him read my novels But it would take a time to read it. I wrote so useful emails but we never talked about them so it was nonsense. I hate that I waste my time in sessions.

And I have PTSD. Okay it's not my only one diagnose but as I read mdma helps somehow with this. My friend had social phobia and mdma helped him so he thinks it's miracle drug when you feel so connected to people and you can open yourself.
I an't open myself no matter what I do, I'm not myself, I'm blocked, I can't speak, I can't move, anxiety and fears are killing me.
Yes I take benzos, I'm addicted to them but it never healed me. I gave up all my meds because of breakdown when my T terminated me and I don;t want to take meds anymore.

Yes, very long post I know...

[healed84]

Here is a bit of advice.. I am dealing with a family member with a mental illness, when he takes hallucinogenic drugs, it causes psychosis.. Like, extended amount of time, weeks is the hospital psychosis. While I don't think anybody should take these drugs, people especially with mental illness need to be very aware that this category of drugs can effect them differently than other people. These drugs are messing with the neuron and neurotransmitters in your brain.. My advice, is don't do it.

[archipelago]

I'm concerned reading your response. You said you feel normal on drugs and ruin everything when not, or something to that effect. This changes the picture quite a bit. The idea that taking this drug might be in some way related to therapeutic work (though all of this is all experimental) is now surrounded by the issue of taking drugs in general to "feel normal." That seems like it is a potential problem that needs to be addressed or at least considered.

Other things also seem to make the idea very risky. That you have a complicated relations to psych meds, both addicted and rejecting. That you have PTSD. What if you have a bad trip? and traumatic stuff comes up? and there you are, with session over, but still high for hours without any help? You could be re-traumatized and thereby harming yourself, which a therapist has a duty to try to keep you from. On that topic, that you said you feared losing your therapist and that when it happened before you had a breakdown. These are many red flags and risks, substantial ones.

[roimata]

I have not and would not go to therapy under the influence of a party-drug and do not advise doing so. Considering ecstasy is a stimulative, I don't see how you would benefit from going to therapy while high on it. Maybe if your session took place in a rave, but I somehow doubt that is your situation.

I definitely would not recommend going to therapy on any empathogenic that you have never taken before. That is bad, bad, bad news bears. Always have a babysitter. Preferably one that knows you're on ecstasy.

I sometimes take opiates before appointments. It makes me more authentic, but I would not recommend that either. How your body reacts to different drugs is unique to you and someone else's experiences have no relevance to what your experience might be.

[Mike_J]

I don't think you should do it, just too much risk, for reasons already mentioned. But I would love to be part of a test on it's therapeutic benefits. I have seen some news stories about mescaline and depression, would love to be part of one of those studies too.

[archipelago]

The experiments on this type of thing are really controlled, safe, super monitored environments. And having a substance issue or volatility usually disqualifies you.

I went to therapy on valium. It just made me feel too relaxed, such that i didn't particularly feel like talking much about anything.

[alk2601]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I'm thinking about going to therapy while taking mdma, my friend told me it helps to be open and talk about everything without anxiety and he has a book about this substance where was written about using this drug at therapy session and that it was hepful.
Yes it's illegal and I know I can lose my T once again or even worse got to the police or psych ward that's why I think I will go together with my friend till the T's door and ask him to wait for me.

Has anyone did something like that? What drugs did you take? Was it helpful or horrible?
Do you think it's good or bad idea?

I'm too anxious at sessions, I can't open myself, I'm blocked and can't get right words out of my mouth and last sessions was drama and I wanted to kill myself because I felt too horrible.

I just posted the other day about a not-so-wonderful experience I had going to therapy while high. I did not do MDMA (and in fact have never tried that particular drug), but I have actually been in several sessions while intoxicated or high. Long story short, my therapist got upset, I got upset, and now no one is happy. I wouldn't suggest it, especially not taking it right before your session.

In my case, I didn't drink or use before therapy on purpose, but was not able to control my partying from the night before, and I was not entirely sober when I went to therapy the next morning. I don't think I would ever purposely drink or use before a session, unless it was like 1 beer, or a drug that only mildly relaxed me or didn't affect me in any other way. It's too hard for me to concentrate otherwise. I definitely wouldn't suggest taking any drug before a session until you know how it affects you.

You should probably also let your therapist know how hard sessions are for you. If you can't talk to him in person, call and leave a voicemail, or send an email/text.

[growlycat]

Why not tell T that you considered taking MDMA before coming to session and why?

This will let T know that you need his help relaxing and opening up.

If you are going to do it anyways, at least try it in a very small amount in a safe place with a sober friend to "supervise". They can give you a better idea what effect it has on you.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Why not tell T that you considered taking MDMA before coming to session and why?

This will let T know that you need his help relaxing and opening up.

If you are going to do it anyways, at least try it in a very small amount in a safe place with a sober friend to "supervise". They can give you a better idea what effect it has on you.

I think it would be better if I told him I did it because he could recognize it anyway and it would be worse.
I can't ask him- can I take mdma? Because he would never say yes.
And I will go there with my friend.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I do use drugs, but don't go to T under the influence. For me, it's a matter of respecting her and respecting the T environment.

I'm a really anxious person too and, while it's taken me nearly a year and a half (and two medications) to start getting words out in T, my T has worked with me to help me overcome my fears around vulnerability and opening up.

Also, I don't know if you are, but if you're working with trauma stuff, difficulty speaking is not uncommon. IMO it'd be pretty important to work through it with proven effective therapeutic approaches.

[lunatic soul]

I send him long email, lets see what he will say, I hope he will let me do this.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I send him long email, lets see what he will say, I hope he will let me do this.

That is smarter than taking it beforehand and then telling him. I'm glad you did this.

[archipelago]

Since it sounds like you are going to go ahead and do this, perhaps it would help to be as informed as possible and see what issues and safety things you might consider. Here is a link to some ongoing research that may inform you and your therapist.

MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by archipelago

Since it sounds like you are going to go ahead and do this, perhaps it would help to be as informed as possible and see what issues and safety things you might consider. Here is a link to some ongoing research that may inform you and your therapist.

MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy

This is so interesting. It sounds kind of similar to using psychostimulants like Ritalin for depression and social anxiety rather than just ADD. An uncle of mine used them illicitly in the 1960's because of his severe social anxiety (which looking back may have been undiagnosed Aspergers also). He had to stop, but he loved them, he said they made him the person he wanted to be. His pdoc wouldn't give him a prescription later in his life because of a heart condition, but he would have liked to. I would just wonder if the using MDMA would ultimately be a letdown for the patient because they'd only be able to use it for a limited number of sessions?