Unresolved Issues with Former Therapist

I thought I had a good relationship with my therapist and that the therapy was very helpful to me. The therapy ended on good terms when the therapist moved away. Recently I heard the therapist, although he didn't mention my name, was saying negative, mean, unflattering things about me using specific, identifying descriptions of me while talking in social situations. I was shocked and hurt by this. What was said about me privately was the opposite of what was said to me in sessions. I have no interest in confronting this therapist. I have been damaged enough by this incident. It's that these unresolved issues are really bothering me. I'm wondering if I should write a letter and send it to the therapist, that way I can get what this has done to me off my chest. I know I can't just ignore it and pretend like nothing happened. This has really hurt me. I need help as to what to do about this. I currently do not have a therapist to discuss this with and how am I supposed to trust one again after this?

wow, that sounds really unprofessional! It's also (possibly) a huge breach confidentiality, but definitely unethical! I would either confront him about it or (depending on the breach of confidentiality piece) report him to his supervisor or the licensing board about it... I would also be hesitant to talk to another T after hearing something like that. Most T's have better boundaries though, and are more reliable (at least in my experience)...

A couple of things....did you hear that your former T was saying mean and unflattering things from a reliable source?

Anytime I hear something from someone else, I try to consider the source and understand what is motivating the source to tell me something they know will hurt me. I understand it's hard to hear that someone you trusted would betray you like that, but if someone "heard" something negative being said about you, why would they share that with you knowing it would hurt you?

I like the idea of writing a letter, but maybe hang onto it for a bit before mailing.....

Sometimes when things are really causing painful emotions, we take action (like mailing a letter) that we later regret.

In terms of trusting a new T, all I can say about that is that I have had some really horrible T's and some amazing T's in my life, each time it's a new process to form that connection and trust. It might take a couple tries, but you will be able to find a T you are comfortable with.

Hope this is helpful....just my thoughts...

It was a coincidence how I found out my therapist was talking about me. I asked a coworker how their online dating was going and was told about different people this person was seeing who were nuts, one was a therapist who said this and that about the clients, so unprofessional. The person works in the same field. I indentified right away with what was said about me because it was so identifying and specific to me, and something I keep private. My name was never even mentioned. So no, no one was trying to hurt me.

Wow, if I heard something like that I'd feel upset and betrayed. I definitely understand why it would bother you and why you would want to do something about it. If true, it is a clear cut violation of confidentiality and open him to disciplinary actions. Thing is, what if it is not true, or more in shades of grey than that? Then it gets complicated. And what you do gets complicated.

Also you seem to already have a complicated response. You say you have no interest in a confrontation, but at the same time want to write a letter. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean by confrontation, but to me a letter would be a confrontation so it feels like you may have mixed feelings about things.

If you sent a letter, would you want a response? And what types of things would you want to say in the letter?

Letter writing is sometimes recommended to process things so it may be the thing to do. I would just want to feel more certain about what it was all about and what I wanted out of it.

I don't want a personal confrontation. I just want the therapist to own up to what happened, not to me. It doesn't matter to me. It's important to me that the therapist knows I know what was said, and not hurt another client like that again. I want to say, So someone goes to you for help and that is how they are treated? That's ******. The therapist probably won't care, but maybe will think again before speaking unprofessionally about a client.

It was a coincidence how I found out my t was talking about me. I asked someone I know how the online dating was going and there were complaints how the people were nuts, and was given many different examples that cracked me up. I stopped laughing when I heard how there was this one therapist who said this and that about the clients, so unprofessional. I recognized myself in the example of what the therapist said. It had to be me, it was the same city, and the info was so specific and identifying to me, and something I keep very private. My name was never mentioned. So no, no one was trying to hurt me.

I don't want to confront the therapist face to face. I want to write a letter and ask there be no response to it. I want responsibility to be taken here to what happened and I want it to be known that I know the mean things that were said about me and how I was lied to during therapy. The therapist probably won't care, but if anything, maybe will think again before acting so unprofessionally and hurting and damaging another client.

Please do document this by writing down what you know and when you learned of it and how. Even if you never pursue legal action, just knowing that you COULD and that you have the power to do so, might be healing.

Such actions could cost this therapist his/her license. Sadly, such bad behavior was probably not reserved for only you. New clients may be pouring their hearts out to such a slimeball as we speak.

So sorry you were a victim of unprofessional behavior.

This sounds like someone, somewhere, is twisting the truth in order to hurt you, or assuming things about what your T said and assuming he/she is talking about you. Evaluate carefully the source of your information, and then maybe call the T and talk to them about it.

i have the question about how reliable the source is as well. if you're certain it's true, then i agree with documentation, but a letter isn't a bad idea. if nothing else it might teach him to keep his trap shut.

People don't realize that we share so many of the same issues. There are only so many ways to suffer as a person.

What may have been "identifying comments"….any chance it wasn't as identifying as you think, that it could be a reference to someone else?

I would report him. Whether he meant to reveal your identity or not, he obviously did directly or indirectly or someone would not have approached you. If you feel like he was a good therapist and you feel bad doing so, just think of how he is talking to you now. If you do write him, I would mention that it's pretty pathetic that his own life is so uninteresting, that he has to resort to telling stories of someone else's life. I just wrote a post on how i don't trust mental health professionals and it is for reasons like this. I saw another story online where the poor person was emailed by mistake an email their therapist meant to send to their p-doc that had some negative remarks about them. All the same, I am really sorry this happened to you.