[pmbm]

Have you ever gotten an assignment from your therapist that you just couldn't do? When I started seeing my therapist 6 months ago, I told myself that I know she's not out to hurt me, so when she asked me to do something, I would at least try it. She asked me to tell her how much I weigh, and I did, even though I'm pretty sure not even my wife knows that. She asked me yo takey big old body to a karate studio and move and run and hit and kick punching bags. I did it even though I was afraid she would laugh at my jiggling floppy body (of course, she didn't). So now about 6 weeks ago, she asked me to start writing a letter to my abusers, and I cannot do it. I've tried, and I end up shaking or dissociated or with huge headache or starting flashbacks, so I don't do it. T asks me about that letter each time I see her, and I just tell her that I can't do it, and she just smiles and tells me that I'll do it when I want to. Aaaasrrrrggghh!

[HazelGirl]

Can you explain to her why you can't do it? She should be giving you some coping mechanisms and putting the letter to the side until you are ready to handle it. You don't sound ready at all.

[stopdog]

I don't take assignments from a therapist.
However, if one does and the assignment is not useful or doable, I would think having fuether discussion could be useful. Or just don't bother with it and move on to something else. One can always come back to it if one changes one's mind.
Finally could you do the assignment in a different way? For example, instead of a letter, write a short story describing a character's feeling first.

[Petra5ed]

Maybe you can write it in session with her.

[Bells129]

I agree with Hazelgirl, you don't sound ready to do that yet...you need more time and therapy, make sure you tell her this.

My T sets me assignments all the time and I struggle to do almost all of them, but if I can't do something she never pushes me and we just do more work on it until eventually I can build myself up to trying it again.

[pmbm]

So, I was all ready to go into therapy tomorrow and talk with T about why I can't do this when it occurred to me that the reason it is so upsetting and dysregulating for me is I'm really worried about doing it right. And I have about 123 feelings and thoughts I want to right and they come out all jumbled up and I was thinking about it not making sense. And then I was rereading a book I love about writing by Natalie Goldberg, and looking at the Courage to Heal workbook and both had the same theme about doing times writing exercises and not thinking about or editing what your writing. So I set the timer on my phone and gave myself 15 minutes to write and then later on I did the same thing again, and I think I'm off to a good start. I guess I realized that this letter is just about getting my feelings out and not about something that anybody else is going to read.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Yup. My T doesn't really give assignments, but she'll ask me if I'm willing to try something. In this one case, it was re-writing something I'd written in my journal, to try and make it more supportive of myself and my feelings. I honestly couldn't do it because it's not how I feel and it felt false to write what she suggested. I simply wasn't ready to try it. I told T that, and she understood and said that when I feel ready, she thinks it would be a helpful exercise, but it's up to me whether I choose to do it or not.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by pmbm

So, I was all ready to go into therapy tomorrow and talk with T about why I can't do this when it occurred to me that the reason it is so upsetting and dysregulating for me is I'm really worried about doing it right. And I have about 123 feelings and thoughts I want to right and they come out all jumbled up and I was thinking about it not making sense. And then I was rereading a book I love about writing by Natalie Goldberg, and looking at the Courage to Heal workbook and both had the same theme about doing times writing exercises and not thinking about or editing what your writing. So I set the timer on my phone and gave myself 15 minutes to write and then later on I did the same thing again, and I think I'm off to a good start. I guess I realized that this letter is just about getting my feelings out and not about something that anybody else is going to read.

Your T will be so excited!!

[Abe Froman]

Mine has given me things to look at or think about. Once she asked me if I had tried something, I told her I just hadn't gotten to it. She explained she knew I was busy and that none of it was homework.

My dietitian on the other hand gives me specific homework that she would like completed by "the next session" or something. But that's also driven by my goals, so it's for a good reason.