techniques failures

spring2014 · Sep 20, 2014, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guilloche

I just wrote about this, but one T that I saw (for 2 sessions, dodged a bullet with her) noticed I was dissociating and said to me... "Are you dissociating now? STOP IT!". Ha - yeah - because that made me feel really safe and grounded (not!). Not a good technique!

There was another T that I had bounced in and out of his office a few times (saw him, liked him, didn't like him, tried some referrals he gave me, they didn't work out, landed back on his doorstep in sad shape). When I ended up back with him, he was leaving for a 2 week vacation... and decided I needed a transitional object. He gave me a rock to take home, keep during the vacation, and bring back. Oh heck no! I did not have ANY kind of attachment or alliance with him at that point, and the rock completely freaked me out. I took it home... WASHED IT (you know, b/c I didn't know how many other people people had touched it - lol!), wrapped it in paper towels so I didn't have to look at it, and stuck it in a corner somewhere

The whole thought of bringing my T into my house was just... ICK. No, not good, not something I needed or wanted. We just didn't have a close enough relationship yet, it was weird and too much!

Oh the joys of attempted therapy.

Very inappropriate behavior of a therapist to come over to.your house . That is crossing a boundary issue .big time no no for a therapist to office visits to.your home

msxyz · Sep 20, 2014, 10:03 PM

My therapist used to do the same exact thing using my daughter as an example. I told him that I am not her and he needs to stop doing that.

stopdog · Sep 20, 2014, 10:32 PM

Another one is What would you want to tell X if they were here with us today?
I would not have told them I see a therapist, let alone brought them here to tell them anything.

guilloche · Sep 20, 2014, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spring2014

Very inappropriate behavior of a therapist to come over to.your house . That is crossing a boundary issue .big time no no for a therapist to office visits to.your home

Oops, I'm sorry... T didn't actually come to my house. T gave me a rock to take home, which was supposed to make me feel "connected" to him, while he was away on vacation.

But to me, it felt *invasive*, like he was in my house. But he wasn't, just his silly rock. He misread the situation, thinking I'd be missing him on vacation, when really, I didn't feel that strong of a connection yet, so the rock just felt weird....

Sorry about that!!!

StressedMess · Sep 20, 2014, 11:14 PM

Not to me, but to DD1, and not a T but a Pdoc. He asked her why she was so stressed out, she explained her identifying as a lesbian but still being attracted to and afraid of males , her heavy workload at school and worries about grades affecting scholarships and financial aid. Her dream is to move to Korea and be an English as a Second Language teacher.

So he snorts and says, most kids your age are stressed because their parents want them to work and they don't want to! I've never met a kid with goals like yours. You should just give all that up, go to a local school, and convince your husband to go to Korea on your honeymoon.

Thanks for nothing, doc. She now sees someone who actually does listen and hears what she says.

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kororain · Sep 21, 2014, 12:03 AM

Mine said something like, "What would your dad say to you if you were 4 years old and he was sitting beside you?"

I seriously had no idea. NONE. I don't recall my dad saying anything to me when I was 4 years old. Nothing.

He wasn't really a kid person.

I was trying to figure out if this was a trick question or something because I was totally blank.

Sep 21, 2014, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMess

You should just give all that up, go to a local school, and convince your husband to go to Korea on your honeymoon.

That would be grounds for reporting him for malpractice, where I live. (Sexual discrimination - telling a young woman she has to marry a man and be so subservient to him that he gets to "take her somewhere" for their honeymoon.)

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 21, 2014, 12:55 AM

Mine told me to name the emotional side of my brain Debbie (don't know why she choose Debbie), but so she could address that side of me and tell it to hush.

HazelGirl · Sep 21, 2014, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Mine told me to name the emotional side of my brain Debbie (don't know why she choose Debbie), but so she could address that side of me and tell it to hush.

Huh? That makes absolutely NO sense.

Shriveled Muse · Sep 21, 2014, 01:15 AM

My exT (that I saw for 3 weeks) seemed to like to take my triggers and dig at them. Like rubbing salt and alcohol and whatever in an open wound. I even had severe panic attacks after every session so I gladly stopped seeing him.

growlycat · Sep 21, 2014, 01:43 AM

CBT T just gave me homework that is teetering on the brink of a "failed technique".

When I feel badly about something, say, I'm feeling lonely in a despairing kind of way, he has 2 techniques:

1. Talk to myself as I would a friend, saying things like "You are lonely right now in this moment but most of the time you aren't". For me, this self-talk is not comforting. In fact, I think I've been a long term client because of my need to hear such things from another human being. From myself, it sounds silly.

2. Ask myself "What are you going to do about it?" This gem is paticulary problematic because part of me wants to answer "kill myself!" because the task seems too great.

it's like asking a dehydrated person in the desert "what are you going to do?"
ok, step 1 figure out where to dig for water, step 2 try to find a way to dig through the hard crust of earth, step 4 find a utensil to dig with, step 5…f* i'm so tired and thirsty I think I'll lie down to die. That is where my mind goes.

Maybe it is learned helplessness but sometimes it is fatigue from trying all the time.
His techniques don't address the deep feelings of despair and the urge to give up.

Sep 21, 2014, 01:51 AM

growlycat, I would react in the same way to such techniques. (Also, what kind of friend would spout patronising nonsense like "most of the time you aren't lonely"?)

RedSun · Sep 21, 2014, 04:33 AM

In my last session, I was off somewhere horrible

Then aware that t said can you hear my foot tapping? I looked at her (tapping) foot, and thought 'ooh nice shoes! I wonder where they're from? And nice nail varnish. Hmm, I wonder if she does her own, it's very neat. And why haven't I noticed what nice feet she has?'etc. she then had to distract me from her feet by calling my name

stopdog · Sep 21, 2014, 08:56 AM

She has tried telling me to use her as a good mother ( good lord, I don't thing the therapist would be one)

And
She tried telling me others do X or respond like X too. And a few times she tried telling me she also had a response like mine. Which to me is completely beside the point. It makes little to no difference what others do. And I assured her the fact she does or does not do something is certainly not a comfort or reassurance for me. First I consider her probably batty in her real life and two I would not think oh the therapist does this so it must be okay.

SoupDragon · Sep 21, 2014, 02:02 PM

Yes my T was trying the "perspective" thing, like why do I hug my kids when they are sad - how do I know that is what they need etc.. (I don't like any kind of touch myself). I told T I knew what he was getting at, like if I know they benefit from it, why can't I accept it for myself - he told me to leave my logical brain out of it

doyoutrustme · Sep 21, 2014, 03:16 PM

You pay the therapist to manipulate your mind to change towards your goals. That requires a certain amount of trust. Not stupidity. I can tell when my therapist is 'manipulating' me, and depending on my mood I will play along or throw a snarky answer out.

JustShakey · Sep 21, 2014, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

You pay the therapist to manipulate your mind to change towards your goals. That requires a certain amount of trust. Not stupidity. I can tell when my therapist is 'manipulating' me, and depending on my mood I will play along or throw a snarky answer out.

Very true. But not every technique will work with every client. One man's meat is another man's poison and all that...

doyoutrustme · Sep 21, 2014, 04:42 PM

Well, I guess I'm starting with the assumption that the therapist is worth their fee. I think all therapy should be tailored to the individual.

doyoutrustme · Sep 21, 2014, 04:47 PM

I had one intervention that was funny, come to think of it.

He likes to build my self esteem, since I don't think very highly of myself. So whenever I tell him about something I did that he thinks is positive, he goes "and who's idea was that?" and the next line in the script is "mine" and his next is "good for you!"

So such a scenario came up, but I had implemented an idea that *he* gave to me. So it went a little differently.

Him: Who's idea was that?
Me: Yours
Him: Oh! (looks amused) Well then, good for me!

stopdog · Sep 21, 2014, 05:41 PM

I do not pay the therapist for mind manipulation.
Now I just tell her to stop when she starts.

Sep 21, 2014, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

You pay the therapist to manipulate your mind to change towards your goals. That requires a certain amount of trust. Not stupidity. I can tell when my therapist is 'manipulating' me, and depending on my mood I will play along or throw a snarky answer out.

This gives me the chills. I understand that each person's reasons for entering therapy and her/his expectations of what's allowable will vary, but I'm not okay with anything other than total transparency. If a therapist is trying to get me to see something a different way, I expect her to tell me that's what she's doing and what it is that informs her view. I'll listen and process it in my own way, but I don't want to be led into it.

My very first therapist was always trying different things. One day, she'd made such a departure from the usual that I said, Oh my God, did you read a new book? There was a long pause and she finally admitted that yes, she had read a new book and it changed her mind about her approach. If I hadn't asked, she would have kept on "practicing" her new theory without ever cluing me in. It was the beginning of the end.

Sorry for the rant, DYTM, your comment struck a chord with me.

doyoutrustme · Sep 21, 2014, 07:54 PM

I totally hear you. At the same time, I know when I hire a professional to do any kind of work for me, I make sure they are competent and experienced first. I wouldn't blindly trust someone from a phonebook.

Mine is showing nothing but wanting to help, and I trust him on an intellectual level, but on an emotional level, not so much. (hence the username)

JustShakey · Sep 21, 2014, 08:21 PM

See, I actually like (harmless) mind games. I see it as a challenge to try and keep up with my T's thinking (yeah, I'm gonna lose, but it's still fun). As long as it's a game and doesn't get deliberately hurtful I'm good with it.

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Sep 21, 2014, 08:34 PM

A professional therapist does not try to "manipulate" anyone. Manipulation has a bad connotation to it. Trying to persuade someone to do something they would not ordinarily do for your own purpose/desire. Sounds selfish to me.

Perna · Sep 22, 2014, 03:40 AM

I still remember the one minute of free association we tried before I had us lost in less than two sentences. . . if what I have to say could be described as being in sentences to begin with. She tried having me breathe with her too, deep breaths. Nothing more likely to cause a panic attack in me than the thought of entrained breathing.

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