Do you find self-care difficult? Why or why not?

My last therapist consistently told me to take better care of myself, to lose weight (for health reasons) and sleep on time (I sleep random times), eat better, go for a walk at least every other day, etc.
Given that I have no major commitment during the day, IF I WANTED IT, I'm sure I could do those things. In fact, they are simple enough for anybody to do. In other words, she was not asking me to run a marathon. Everything she said was reasonable and doable.

Today I was so fed up with myself (after taking care of myself quite well for a day or two I started again with bad habits) I decided to ask, anybody else struggle with this? Can we brainstorm some reasons why or why not? I mean aside from the fact that not taking care of yourself can become "habitual".

Yes! I struggle all the time.

Coming home fatigued from work leaves me not wanting to walk or cook something healthy. Cooking or preparing healthy things in advance helps me for the rest of the week.

Taking things in small manageable steps seems to work better for me, but brainstorming is welcome!

Same problem. All my energy goes on surviving work so by the evening I just doesn't have the energy. Don't have any answers though

Great, thank you for contributing. What Growlycat and Willowleaf said applies to a lot of people and I wonder if I can break it down:

Time management, planning ahead (or maybe that's time management too), and having energy to do it (so manageable smaller steps).

I like to add some psychological reasons ( I'm not sure are behind my own actions, but let me just put them out there):

-Not caring about yourself enough. Thinking you don't deserve it or you don't matter. Perhaps because how the world, God, friends, family, bad therapists, whoever, has treated you in the past or even how you yourself treated you in the past.

-Fear of loss (personally I'm afraid if I really take care of myself then I'd mean something to me and I could lose me one day...it's complicated, I've dealt with a lot of loss. So better not mattering to myself much.)

-Thinking it's too late, the mental illness has taken its toll, that now this is just about preventing the worst, not expecting any substantial good.

I've found that if I don't take care of myself I feel guilty and discouraged. But, when I do take care of myself i feel good!

Yes. But I've been taking little steps over the last year or so, and what's amazing is... when you start to take little steps and feel better, it sort of makes it easier. Not 100% super easy, it's still work, but it's easier when you have felt the difference.

The problems I have is that:
1. Everything is connected. It's been shown that if you don't get enough restful sleep, you will crave sugar. If you eat sugar (well, for me anyway), it disrupts your sleep. The connections mean that if one things goes wonky, it easily pulls everything else down with it.

2. I have trouble with creating structure for myself, not sure why.

3. Like everyone else, I struggle with having the energy and time to do all the things I want and need to. I am alone and work full time, trying to: cook healthy meals (find recipes, shop, cook, wash things afterwards), keep the house just liveably clean, get in some exercise, and make sure I'm getting decent sleep - is like a second job unto itself. And that's before we add in socializing (which my T seems to think is important!) and hobbies that make me happy. There just aren't enough hours in the day, and it's hard.

Some things that I think can help:

- Cook big meals, freeze extras. Then when you're too tired/busy to cook, you have your own healthy frozen meals that you can reheat.

- Find a couple easy crockpot recipes (the kind that basically say, "throw stuff in crockpot, cook on low for 8-10 hours, then eat!").

- Plan a couple healthy emergency meals, for times when you get overwhelmed, are starving, and haven't had time to cook. Either stuff in the freezer, easy salads with canned tuna, whatever.

Hmmm interesting, I just noticed all my tips are basically "have a plan for moments when it's easy to fail".

Anyway, it's something I am still working on. I'm better at it... but the more busy/stressed/overwhelmed I get, the more all this stuff falls apart I really wish my job didn't make me so miserable for such a huge chunk of the week, b/c I think that makes it harder too!!!

I'm actually fairly disciplined about self-care these days, but I have relapses where I slide back into the behaviors I've worked to change. For me, the main reason is that it's hard work and sometimes I feel lazy or tired or overwhelmed.

The other reason is sometimes I get impatient and I want noticeable results fast and if they don't happen fast enough, I feel frustrated and unmotivated.

Then after a while I pick myself back up again and start over. I really believe the old adage about it not being how many times you fall down that counts, but how many times you pick yourself back up again. I'm pretty good at picking myself back up without wasting too much time on self-recrimination for my relapses.

Interesting. I think it is the other way around for me.

I was not taught healthy eating and exercise habits as a child. My dad only knew how to make things out of a box and, while academics were valued, athletics were considered to be a waste of time. Being thin, dressing well, and looking "stylish" were allvalued in my home, but not actually being healthy.

I was thin as a child but, in my late teens, eating unhealthy food and sitting at a desk to study all the time caused me to gain weight. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough that I went up a clothing size or two. I honestly didn't have the knowledge necessary to know what to do to lose the extra weight.

So, at 19, when I was in college and living on my own, I decided to join a gym and join weight watchers. I lost the weight quickly, but I didn't commit to a lifestyle change. So, for the next few years, I would go into a patten of being super healthy-- stop and gain 10 or 15 lbs-- go back to be in healthy and lose it--- repeat.

The problem for me was that I didn't LIKE the exercises I was doing, I was doing them at night when I was already tired, I was eating the same boring foods over and over, etc. I was also looking at it as a "weight" issue instead of as a health issue. It all changed for me when I realized that I had to find a lifestyle & routine that I actually enjoyed and could maintain.

I discovered that, for me, weight lifting is an exercise I LOvE. I hate Zumba, yoga, spin,, etc. but I love bodybuilding. I also found that while I hate running outside in my neighborhood, I love running on the treadmill in front of the TV. I did the same thing with foods. Then, I set a routine. Get up, rwork out first thing, eat a protein bar, and then go to work. I discovered that when I work out in the morning, it actually GIVES me nervy to help me get through the day. I can not only see the results in the mirror, but I feel them. I'm strong, fit, and healthy and it makes me feel good. It gives me self-esteem and helps me combat all the other stuff that gets thrown at me.

I think the key is finding a routine you enjoy.

Yeah, like Mastodon I'm the other way around, when I take for myself I feel guilty, like I'm being narcissistic. I wonder if we can switch, like I give you some of my "taking care of myself guilt" and you give me some of your "not taking care of myself guilt." I think that's a fair trade and you won't find any better. PM so we can make arrangements for the exchange.

:P

I definitely have a problem with caring for myself. It has gotten easier as time goes by though, and in fact is now essential for me. I have learned a lot about self care from my therapist because she is pretty good at it, and we talk about it.

I don't even really understand the concept of self care--My t and I have talked about it, but when I said I didn't understand what I meant, he essentially laughed and said, "I'd imagine that you don't!" I'd really like to learn and be able to incorporate it into my life because I know I do a terrible job of taking care of myself, but I don't even know where to start.

I've been finding it increasingly difficult. It's been difficult off and on for years and years. Sometimes, even for extended periods, I'm perfectly fine at it, but then comes the doldrums at which point I just...can't and don't.

I think the less outside structure there is the harder it is to create inside structure from scratch? I mean, if you have to go to work, you have to get up at X time in the morning so you end up going to bed at a reasonable time. Outside forces can help with forming some rhythm to daily life. One showers, washes clothes, etc. to go to work or school, whatever. If your lunch "hour" is at 12:30 every day, you eat then.

But if you do not have any hobbies or work, not many friends or relative you see or are not very well, everything gets much harder. My husband and I failed at Christmas last year, now that we are older, he worse than me, I at least bought him/us a set of towels Now in a couple days we're having our 25th wedding anniversary and can't even decide on a place to go out to eat dinner, much less go away for. We still do have some routine to our days, since there are two of us but I'd hate to see what a mess I'd make if I were alone.

I think one literally has to decide one wants routine and want others in one's life and make it happen with getting together with people online, in person, whatever and coming up with desires and expectations. I take classes (so have "homework") and have a project I'm working on with a partner overseas so there's a certain amount of structure there and I belong to a personal care site so have other online friends paying attention to my health, what I eat, exercise routines, etc.

I work on shifts so I'm always very tired. Sometimes I stop working at 11 pm, sometimes I have to get up at 3 am because I start at 4. So I usually don't feel like doing anything during my time off even though I should as I always feel down. I could either explore what's around me or go see my loved ones in my old city but I hardly ever find the will to do anything nurturing by now. It's so frustrating. And I am recovering from an Ed and this crazy schedule makes it nearly impossible to keep up with regular eating and I just let it go for now as I walk enough at work to eat whatever crap I want - but it's definitely NOT the right thing. I guess I need to talk to my T about self care.

When I am down on myself I eat and eat and eat (and sometimes drink a lot too) it's comfort eating and escapism to an extent but also self destruction. 'I don't deserve to be healthy' 'I don't care what becomes of me'. And I always feel worse after binging.
I feel best when I am trying to be healthy, but I don't know whether I feel better because I am being healthy, or whether I am being healthy because I feel better.

I struggle with other people's interpretation of what self care is for me.
Once I discovered what I like, it came naturally.

Sometimes. I know I should eat more regularly, but I just don't have the energy to make food and then eat it. I do manage to provide meals for my teens, but I don't like what they eat. BUT, I do have a designated weight that if I get below, I will make myself eat more

Gosh, if my T told me to lose weight, he wouldn't be my T for very long. Over/comfort eating is my skewed attempt at self care and comfort... just a bit mixed up. I think weight, eating and food are absolutely linked to the care, or lack of it, that we might have received as infants. Don't get me started on health being equated to weight, it really isn't so.

I struggle with self-care and nurturing. I find it easier when I feel I have more internal resources or I feel I have support from outside. When I'm alone, I am completely alone and actually feel as though I might die. It is very odd that I often feel I might waste away... and yet, there really isn't any chance of that in reality. Perhaps that's linked to the overeating. I link it back to not having 'good enough' care as a baby; I was fed, clothed and cleaned but I think there was probably a lack of nurturing and emotional holding.

It's very hard for me to get motivated. I try to self-care but it will last only a day or two, then back to unmotivated bad habits. It's so very hard for me to get past that.

I don't socialize anymore. I tend to isolate. I just wish I could stay structured.

due to my CSA, as a child I used to starve myself, not shower or wash my hair for weeks, stay up till my eyes burnt to deprive myself of sleep, deliberately socially isolate myself, wear my dad's clothes to make me look unfashionable and ugly, never make an effort with my appearance, drink maybe one cup of water a day, not take exercise.

all of this made me desperately unhappy. i starved myself down to a horrific weight because i no longer wanted to look after myself. i just 'opted out' of food (food avoidance emotional disorder). And as a result, I began fainting all the time and had two aggressive grand mal seizures (non epileptic). i reckon i did damage both my brain and body.

so i do really try to look after myself now. i try to shower every night, i eat a reasonable amount, i make an effort with my appearance and i exercise.

I struggle with this too, and don't really know what to do about it.

I try to go to bed earlier, but I hate the time between lying down and falling asleep, and it often takes me a couple hours to fall asleep. So I tend to delay it as much as possible hoping I will fall asleep more quickly, which doesn't happen... it's a downward spiral I struggle a lot with.

My problem is motivation. If I don't want to go for a walk, how an I going to get up from the couch? Also, I take household chores in small stages. And, if I don't do what I planned, that's ok.

I think , sometimes just getting through the day is difficult enough.