[dark_sweetie]

Since T came back from vacay I literally think about her every minute of every day. I don't want to do anything that isn't linked to T somehow. It's bad. I keep saying I'll talk abt it next week but shame kicks in, I feel disgusting and I just can't, I only say like, I feel connected or attached...

I think I should quit. ;_;

[HazelGirl]

Well...the way to deal with it is to talk about it. There's no way around it, unfortunately.

[HazelGirl]

But DEFINITELY DONT quit.

[dark_sweetie]

I'm just afraid that if I stay in therapy I'm not gonna live to see healing. The bad days are soooo bad. So much worse than when she was away... I struggle so much to reach out when in crisis too

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by dark_sweetie

I'm just afraid that if I stay in therapy I'm not gonna live to see healing. The bad days are soooo bad. So much worse than when she was away... I struggle so much to reach out when in crisis too

It takes time. I totally understand.

Are these things you're talking to her about?

[RedSun]

I had a similar thing with my t. I managed to squeak out that she was always in my head
It's true, it did get better after that. And also just that she is there, week in week out, however stupid or childish I am...I think it makes it easier to trust, so the attachment gets a bit more real and a bit less desperate iykwim.

I'm sorry it's so hard, and there are bad days. I find it so helpful to come on here. Walking outside helps me too, and cuddles with my doggie.
Sending hugs your way, if you want them.
Xx

I think about my t a lot too, I cannot imagine ever saying this to her, I'm happy to keep it to myself. At times I try to actively not think about her. At other times I try to take reassurance from thoughts of her. I also often find myself feeling the difficult feelings I am experiencing in therapy when I think about her, which is why I try not to think about her. I also don't know whether to stop. Is it really helping us? How can we know this? I feel better when I don't think about her.

[Aloneandafraid]

I am feeling exactly the same. I think about her all the time and I am not making any progress. In fact, I am in a far worse place now than this time last year I think. I am in a lot of pain and turmoil regarding the maternal feelings and needs and I know I can't have what I need. She has acknowledged this and said that she can't be the person (mother) i so desperately need but that she wants to support me. But her not responding to texts, ending bang on time, no touch etc just seems to make this so much worse and highlights my needs for which I feel very ashamed.

I text her last night in a moment of desperation. I was really desperate and in a very very bad place. She has responded this morning with "see you next week" what is the point?

How can I think less about her and how can I get over her/move on?

Should I quit?

I'm sorry - I don't mean to hijack your thread,I just relate so much to this.
I am sorry you are struggling and hurting too. This is so raw and painful.
I'm sorry.

[Asiablue]

I honestly think this is a phase of therapy for a lot of people. Me included. I suspect is has something to do with attachment styles or something. I have friends who are therapists and go to therapy or have been to therapy and they had that same thing where it felt like obsessive thinking of their T's and eventually they come out the otherside of it.

It's a very painful phase of therapy but also very common, try not to feel ashamed if you can.

[dark_sweetie]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It takes time. I totally understand.

Are these things you're talking to her about?

Like I said I really do try....But when we're sitting there in the flesh i think I must be speaking from a different part of my brain that won't let the whole picture out. It sucks b/c I didn't have this problem nearly as much with my temp T who I didn't have any feelings for.

I talked with that T about it at least... I was like, I don't want it to feel like I'm going back to her only to see her you know? And she said that if I wanted to keep talking to her about it she'd be there. And i was like, ahhh, but I don't want a therapist just to talk about my other therapist with either ;_;

I feel like I'm in middle school. But it's mostly one sided!! It's soooo frustrating.

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I am feeling exactly the same. I think about her all the time and I am not making any progress. In fact, I am in a far worse place now than this time last year I think. I am in a lot of pain and turmoil regarding the maternal feelings and needs and I know I can't have what I need. She has acknowledged this and said that she can't be the person (mother) i so desperately need but that she wants to support me. But her not responding to texts, ending bang on time, no touch etc just seems to make this so much worse and highlights my needs for which I feel very ashamed.

I text her last night in a moment of desperation. I was really desperate and in a very very bad place. She has responded this morning with "see you next week" what is the point?

How can I think less about her and how can I get over her/move on?

Should I quit?

I'm sorry - I don't mean to hijack your thread,I just relate so much to this.
I am sorry you are struggling and hurting too. This is so raw and painful.
I'm sorry.

Ugh, that is a horrible feeling!! I'm so sorry you're experiencing that. I totally know what you mean and I'm happy you posted that, i feel a little less alone and selfish.

The thing that gets me is, I was reading an article on limerance the other day. And i read this description of how people in limerance look for these little cues that their feelings are recoprocated, and hanging onto hope like that, their feelings are kept from dying down. They stay stuck in their obsession that is probably never leading to anything....

I feel like this strict environment is maintaining some balance that is keeping these feelings alive... cause I SO do that you know? I read into every little thing she says to try to maintain this belief that she feels the same. I don't think she means anything by it but I interpret things that way.

Like when she acknowledges our connection, or sounds like she knows what I mean when I say therapy is intense, I go, maybe she feels this too... or when she says she thinks about me during the week. Or that it's good to hear my voice.

I just want to blurt out how bad I've really got it but it feels like almost killing something in me!! It's so scary.

And, yes, in the meantime I am getting far less healthy than I was even just two weeks ago. I was doing so good, was so proud of myself! Now I can barely make it thru a single night.... I really have to wonder if that can be productive. I really want to feel that with someone who can reciprocate fully, but T is never going to be that person.

I might try to literally tell her all this and ask if she thinks i should quit...

So anyway I don't have the right answer but I'm in the sameish place... thanks so much for sharing your feelings. It means a lot to me to hear from everyone.

[musial]

Just want to chime in that I can relate to this also... I haven't spoken directly about it to my T yet but I have hinted about obsessing over every word he said to me in session for days after. He was so normalizing and not freaked out when I said that, it made me feel better. It's good to know we're not the only ones feeling this way. I hope all of us who feel this way can make it through this phase and be healthier on the other end!

their feelings are recoprocated, and hanging onto hope like that, their feelings are kept from dying down. They stay stuck in their obsession that is probably never leading to anything....

Good connection you made here.
Or it could be more behavioral: preoccupied attachment.

I really feel for you as I had obsessive thoughts/feelings for him for months. What made them go away for the most part was that he confronted me after I sent him another email about having obsessive thoughts about him.

They still come and go from time to time, but for the most part, I no longer obsess over him. Good luck; I know how agonizing it can be.

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I honestly think this is a phase of therapy for a lot of people. Me included. I suspect is has something to do with attachment styles or something. I have friends who are therapists and go to therapy or have been to therapy and they had that same thing where it felt like obsessive thinking of their T's and eventually they come out the otherside of it.

It's a very painful phase of therapy but also very common, try not to feel ashamed if you can.

I agree Asia that it is a phase of therapy for some of us. I went through it for awhile too. At the height of it it felt like literally every moment of every day I was thinking about t, or about therapy. I felt almost a physical longing for her even. I mentioned it to my t and she agreed as well that it is not uncommon to feel that way at some point. As much as I've been posting on here lately, I feel like I'm sorta getting that way again... I wonder if it comes and goes....? I expect it won't be as intense this time if it does happen again, because I am so much more aware of my feelings and able to acknowledge/accept them and just allow myself to sit with them and be... instead of always fighting them and turning my back on them and letting them fester or something like I used to do.