My sessions end really abruptly, one minute we are talking about something, and I can see our time is about up, then she says, ' we have to end now'. To me it feels almost callous the way she ends. I feel - after all we've talked about today you just casually say that. As I am writing this I realise that I could talk about this with her and ask her if we could try some acknowledgement of my feelings and how hard the session has been before she ends. What I wonder is how many other of her clients feel the same way as me, surely I'm not the only one who finds it an abrupt ending, and surely she could already have figured out that to end like that is hard on clients.

How do other therapists handle the ending? Of course some of you are lucky enough to have an hour or more, not just 50 minutes.

[RedSun]

I have an hour.
My t also says 'we need to stop' or 'and we have to end there' and sometimes it is really hard, and feels abrupt. Though once, I asked how long we had left, she said ten minutes, and I said I wished it was the end. I was all cross and grumpy

Then I pay, and we have a few words to sort of get back to real life- she'll maybe ask what I'm doing that evening, or where I'm going right now, especially if it has been difficult session. It is good having that bit of time at the end to reorientate myself.

It's the same for me. I get 45 minutes, and my T never ever finishes early, but he also never goes over time (well, hardly ever. A couple of times I have got an extra minute or two.) It always ends with T saying "We'll continue on [weekday for our next meeting]" and I get up, shake hands and leave, usually with no more words spoken. It is usually very hard. But I don't think talking to T about it would help, because he knows it's hard and nothing would change.

[HazelGirl]

Oh man...I feel sad for y'all. Mine works really hard to wind down the session. She does a few things that are "cues" that it's time to end, and we wrap up any kind of trauma work we've been doing. Could you talk to your T and ask that they wrap things up better?

[harvest moon]

I get 45 minutes sharp every time (he doesn't have breaks between clients). He usually says something like "let's stop here for today" and then walks me to the door, sometimes saying something conclusive about our session others nothing, we say bye and that's it.. Because he doesn't allow for breaks in between, a few minutes prior to the end, the bell rings (his next client) and he leaves the room to open and directs the other client to a separate waiting room (so that we don't fall to each other). So I know we are about to end. Yes it is hard. It's like an all of a sudden reality check.

[stopdog]

I see the time is up, I stop talking, stand up, toss money on the coffee table, and walk out.

The therapist may find me abrupt.

[musial]

My T is abrupt about it too. I find myself trying to push the limits by bringing up a new topic a minute or two before it's time to leave, just out of desperation for a little more time. That never works, he just says, I'm interested in hearing about that next time but time is up today. Ugh! I hate it but I'm also glad my T is good at keeping boundaries because that helps me feel safe.

[Petra5ed]

I've been bothered with how mine ends lately as well. My therapist goes an hour. He explained in our last session how he always had 60 minute sessions then cut it short at 50 minutes. He starts every session late, so even though I walk out of there an hour after our official session, because he shows up 15 minutes late I see him for maybe 45 or 50 minutes. The whole thing is making me hate myself. I suppose we never end abruptly because I'm so bad at speaking I'm usually mute for long chunks of time, making it very easy to just stop talking to me.

[ThisWayOut]

My t winds down, but it wasn't always an easy wind-down. I had to ask for more time because I was aware that I needed more effort to "come back" after a difficult session. Like HazelGirl, my t gives several cues that we are wrapping up soon. She respects that I asked for 10 minutes to re-center before leaving and she will ask about week plans, the dogs, etc. (Asking about the dogs is also a way to gauge how present I am; if I can easily talk about them, I'm present, but if I can't figure out what to say, I'm still really disassociated). It was definitely something I had to ask for though.

[doyoutrustme]

Ive talked to my T about this so I've asked him to let me know if I have time for something or not, before I get into it and feel disruptive.

I have to admit that going twice a week makes it easier. The sessions (sometimes) feel a bit like a continuous dialogue with long pauses, rather than a series of brief dialogues.

My sessions are 60 minutes. Sometimes they seem waaaaaay to long. I often find myself trying to glance at my watch in an unobtrusive manner, not wanting to offend my therapist. My current therapist and my former therapist are both good at gently drawing my sessions to a close by saying something similar to what others have mentioned--"We'll stop here and pick up next week" or "We have to stop here . . . " I have to admit, however, that I've already draw things to a close in my head about 8 to 10 minutes before she even says anything.

The endings never bother me. I find that my ability to talk about and examine my feelings and emotions are pretty much exhausted by a 60 minute session. I did try a few 90 minute session with my former therapist when she thought I might have an easier time relaxing and working at a deeper level if I had more time to warm up. I gave that up pretty quickly as it just seemed like prolonged torture. I sometimes think I might want an another session about mid week following my session because I am the kind of person who thinks deeply about what happened in my session. But this desire isn't intense enough that I'd ask for two sessions a week!

[Chartres]

There has been times my T is skillful at this and there go have been times he has been been unskillful at it. In the early months, he would grab his appointment and this would be a cue that we were about to end. He would say something like confirming our next appointment. Now that we have a regular schedule, he doesn't do this anymore. Most of the time he says "were going to need to end soon" or "let's continue this next time" or "this is a good place to end". This generally works okay for me unless I'm in the middle of really difficult stuff.

I had a horrible experience once where he ended abruptly and I was unable to pull myself together afterwards. The aftermath was dangerous. I still think he bordered on negligence with that one by letting me leave in that state.

Now, during really difficult sessions, he will tell me "we have 10 minutes left" or " have you noticed the time?" when there is 10-15 minutes left. This feels cold to me but I up understand that he is trying to avoid what happened before. I think he could improve in this area.

I get frustrated when I see or hear of therapists who don't seem to be able to manage the flow of a session so that there's a winding down. 60 minutes has sometimes felt too short and too long, and I've had therapists with varying degrees of skill in managing time.

I once saw a therapist who went by "process time" rather than clock time, and it almost always ended at or before 90 minutes during a difficult session, and when it was time to end, it felt right. 60 minutes is harder, but doable. I've had more 60 minute sessions conclude naturally than have felt forced.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

I get frustrated when I see or hear of therapists who don't seem to be able to manage the flow of a session so that there's a winding down. 60 minutes has sometimes felt too short and too long, and I've had therapists with varying degrees of skill in managing time.

I once saw a therapist who went by "process time" rather than clock time, and it almost always ended at or before 90 minutes during a difficult session, and when it was time to end, it felt right. 60 minutes is harder, but doable. I've had more 60 minute sessions conclude naturally than have felt forced.

This is what my T does. I didn't realize it was a specific technique. Sometimes we end at 60 minutes, and sometimes we end at 2 hours.

[Favorite Jeans]

My T has a whole set of winding down cues. She reaches for her glasses and her appointment book and kind of shifts in her seat. I then know I have just a few minutes. Even so, I have found it abrupt at times and have asked for help winding down so now she often says something like "we're going to have to stop soon but before we do, I wanted to see how you're feeling/what your thoughts are about X/how this session has been for you." I have found that helpful. It's like then there's a minute to say goodbye and I don't feel kicked out in the middle of some awful feeling.

I have found that having longer sessions is helpful in other ways I really like to have T's help winding down whatever the length of the session. Longer sessions do help with the feeling of not being interrupted just when I was starting to get somewhere.

Well, I wouldn't want to waste minutes in small talk either, and I really do appreciate that T never shies away from having difficult discussions even in the last couple of minutes of my appointment. I always feel that he is committed to me for the full 45 minutes; he even makes sure to write out any prescriptions I might need, or fill out any paperwork he has to give to me, before the session starts so he can just give it to me without wasting session time.

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

This is what my T does. I didn't realize it was a specific technique. Sometimes we end at 60 minutes, and sometimes we end at 2 hours.

It was the first time I'd run into a therapist that did this, and it worked really well. She always made it clear, though, that it was her job to manage the time, even if she was going by process and not clock time. It helped me relax a lot more, knowing that I didn't have to do her job as well as mine. (I have had a couple therapists where I wondered how they managed to graduate from school without paying someone off, and that was stressful.)

[Myrto]

Reading all your comments, I feel very fortunate because, as much as I never seem to have enough time (I've got one hour), my sessions never end abruptly.

Somehow my T manages to end every session without cutting me off short or making me feel like "well, this is it, goodbye!". I truly don't know how she does this. I always seem to naturally reach some conclusion at the end of the session, obviously that's her guiding me through it.

She also always asks me "do you have something else you want to say?" at the end and she has no problem going over up to 10 minutes if I struggle to get it out.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I always have difficulty at the end of sessions. My sessions are "supposed" to be 45min. We normal go to 50-55mins. We've had some issues going even beyond that.

The issue isn't that my T is good at ending. She usually says "I have to cut you off, but by then I'm calm. The issue is that she used to says "So we have a few minutes left, is there anything else you need before you leave?" For some reason, I choose that specific time to bring up something that really needs processing. I'd wind up breaking down, feelings uncared for, rejected, abandoned. We have finally established that she is no longer allowed to ask that question.

[bounceback]

She will either say we are running out of time or I will. Depending on the day sometimes she will ask how I am feeling or what my weekend plans are. Occasionally we end up going over. I have the bad habit of bringing up serious topics at the end because sometimes it takes me all session deciding whether or not I want to share them with her which I have to stop doing.

I also have 50 minute sessions.

Hazel Girl, your t sounds awesome. And yours Myrto. I'm surprised that T's don't raise the endings themselves with us to negotiate a way to end. I will definitely talk to my T about it.

Jay bird it can't identify with you at all for finding sessions Waaaay too long. Don't you long to be there longer? That's how I feel.

Chartres I followed your link to your description of a kind of re-trauma. I had an experience of a re-trauma too. I have also pondered about the responsibility of a T in these situations. I hadn't realised therapy was so powerful and that that could happen, maybe we could do another thread about that sometime, I'm sure we're not the only ones.

[Leah123]

I like to transition out of therapy, and some Ts are definitely worlds better at this than others. Mine is not so hot, so I've gotten in the habit of asking her to close our sessions by drawing an Angel Card for me as a way to leave on a positive note.

Angel Cards - Original: Kathy Tyler, Joy Drake: 9780934245524: Amazon.com: Books

I do agree with your thought to speak with her about this, very important and worth improving. She can help you wrap up by letting you know five or ten minutes early without any trouble for instance. You might also ask her to say something about how she'll help hold onto any unresolved issues for you until next session: my therapists' holding onto painful things for me has helped me manage them between sessions.

[msandsm]

I feel fairly lucky, compared to some of the posts I've read. Both my T (weekly) and Pdoc (monthly) are good at winding down a session. This doesn't mean there aren't times when I wish I could stay longer, especially with the stuff I'm going through now. I can tell my psychiatrist that, although only rarely is he able to accommodate me, but I don't think I've ever felt I could ask my therapist for more time. Too bad.

[StressedMess]

My T guides the conversation from small talk to delving deep, then reminds me we are nearing the end, we will do guided imagery relaxation, and she will "do my notes" with my input. It's nice to hear how much we covered that session, and she asks every time which part I want to take with me when I leave, so she can gauge how closely I've been paying attention.

I get an hour and occasionally we go over 5 or 10 minutes.

I've never known different, some of what I've read here horrifies me!

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk