I've been seeing my T for about 3 months. We've talked quite a lot about the child neglect I experienced and about how hard emotions are for me. I find it much easier to talk about the past and really hard to talk about the present. I feel that given what we have discussed, and how hard I find it to talk to her, she must think how could I possibly do the job I do (which involves dealing with people, caring for others and being assertive) and that I must be terrible at it.

[Petra5ed]

I'm the opposite. It's hard for me to remember the past.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I find emotions from the past and the present hard to talk about. But I find facts about the past much, much harder to talk about than facts from the present. For me, my fear lies in talking about my childhood and in talking about my emotions, both make me panic.

[mxk564]

I find them both hard to talk about. Depending on my mood beforehand. I can easily talk about my past, but once I get triggered it's an anxiety inducing mess.

[stopdog]

I can talk about either. The therapist is better at handling the past. She sucks at the present.

[Leah123]

I often find it easier and more productive to talk about the present. As ugly as it may get, i have a much more control over it than the past, which helps a lot. However, we talk a fair amount about the past, specifically the traumas. It's often wrenching, but gets easier with time.

[HazelGirl]

It's easier for me to talk about the present. Way easier.

The past is easier. When I talk about the present, emotions often get in the way, but when I talk about the past, it's all about facts and that is so much simpler.

[HealingTimes]

I would give different answers at different points in my therapy journey.

Up till a month ago, I would have definitely said that the present was easier to talk about, but at the moment that has changed, and I'd say the present is much harder to talk about.

[Xenon]

There have been exceptions, but I'm often quite detached and matter-of-fact when talking about the past. Dealing with the present, talking about how I'm feeling now, making plans for change, figuring out where I want to go in my life and how to get there, that's all much more difficult for me.

The things that seem to be of some use to me are the things that are difficult, though.

[ThisWayOut]

I guess it depends. Some things in the past are easier to talk about, while other times certain things in the present are easier. The current transference and the ptsd issues are difficult to talk about, but so are the reasons for them.

I don't know if maybe I find the past - childhood - easier to talk about as I don't have much responsibility for what went on - but the present is my responsibility?

[roimata]

The future. It is hardest to fathom the outcome of my past and present.

Edit: Sorry, misread the title. The future is the hardest thing to talk about. Discussing my past and present are equally emotionally charged experiences.

[StressedMess]

The present is fluid and sometimes tough, but I'm doing things I want to do, and counting victories, so not too hard most days. Still scary and making changes is always hard, but they are changes I am seeking and skills I'm desperately trying to learn.

The past is full of shame and I feel like I should be hiding it, covering up for others, and taking all the blame for the things that happened. I really had my head in the sand for most of my life. It's so humiliating to admit all my wrongs, all the wrongs that were done to me, and all the BS that I kept eating up and asking for more. The most shameful aspects are that as an adult I recognized "wrongs" but continued to live that way for half my life!!

So the present I can speak about in a very matter-of-fact tone. The past hurts. I spend a lot of time in session working on the present so I can avoid talking about the past.

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[RTerroni]

The present and the future

[nottrustin]

WAY easier to talk about the present. I am very happy with my present life and my family. It's not perfect by any means bu I am safe. All the pain and abuse was in the past and I have no control over it or have the ability to change.

Something I like about this board us seeing others express in words what I am also feeling. However with this question, hardly anyone seems to feel the same way as me. I feel odd!

Part of why the present is so much harder to talk about is the fact that I feel powerless to change it and I know that is the wrong way to feel, so there is hopelessness and shame all mixed up. Those sessions are always the hardest. When I talk about the past, I have the luxury of telling somebody things I have been wanting to talk about all my life.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I've been seeing my T for about 3 months. We've talked quite a lot about the child neglect I experienced and about how hard emotions are for me. I find it much easier to talk about the past and really hard to talk about the present. I feel that given what we have discussed, and how hard I find it to talk to her, she must think how could I possibly do the job I do (which involves dealing with people, caring for others and being assertive) and that I must be terrible at it.

I'm sorry to hear about the neglect you experienced. I don't know you or your T but I wonder if it's also possible that your T might see your present occupation in positive light. In other words, she might be in awe of your ability and resilience. Personally I would be if I saw someone who experienced abuse or difficult childhood and was able to find a way and not let those things stop the person from sharing their love and care with others.

As for your question about which I find easier, I think it depends. I think when I talk about the past, I'm left with both deep pain and also great joy. Either way they've become memories. Depending on what I recall, I can feel quite different. But I can't change it.

When it's about present, I am more likely to feel judged. Especially if I'm repeating the same behavior that we discussed and I feel shame and guilt for not being assertive or insulting my mom again or losing my temper with my dad or whatever it is. But at the same time I have more power in present. I can remind myself to take a deep breath next time. I can attempt to change things.

[ombrétwilight]

Hard about the past, harder about the present. I find it incredibly difficult to describe how I'm feeling because it's just so overwhelming and I never manage the right words. It makes sense in my head when I am experiencing these emotions but they magically disappear inside T's office and it's just so hard to recall them. In contrast, it's much easier for me to describe the abuse stuff in the past. My T does more talk therapy than psychoanalysis/digging old dirt though and it's almost always crisis intervention for me, probably because she's interested in making sure I'm in a good place mentally to take my upcoming exams, after which she doesn't have to see me anymore anyway.