[IndestructibleGirl]

I know we've had some great threads discussing hugging and things in general, but I wanted to know if anyone had had specific times where they felt they really benefitted from physical touch in their therapy?

What was it like? What kind of situation were you in, ie were you talking about something really hard, or were you upset? Do you feel it was very healing?

Has anyone regretted it afterwards?

[nottrustin]

In the beginning when T started to give me a hug she always asked if it would be okay. For me having somebody ask before touching me was a huge thing. Only one other person in my life ever did that and it was hubby an he didn't know about my history.

Having her ask made me realize I do have control over my body and what others do..also that physical touch can be safe and nonsexual. There was one session where I was totally feeling closed off and not wanting anybody touching me including hubby....that was the one session session she didn't attempt to hug me and at first I was sad. However, I realized it was because she was truly listening to me...

[JustShakey]

Actually something that happened pre-therapy... I was in a very bad place and a complete stranger offered me a hug saying I looked like I needed one. I never realized how terribly touch-hungry I was before that.
I don't hug my T - we shake hands before and after each session and sometimes he will pat me on the back on the way out after a harder session.
Had a male co-worker side hug me a couple days ago. A first for me. I've never hugged guys who're not family. It was nice.
Hugging T would be overwhelming for me I think. It would scare me, even though a part of me would love it. I feel like if I were a child it would be okay, but not as an adult...

[MoxieDoxie]

I just don't know if it would be healimg or not. What do you mean by healing? I would need it to be on his terms. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

[musinglizzy]

I just had this experience for the first time just last Thursday. I've fought so hard for months to keep my emotions in check....just wasn't ready to let loose. Lately, it's come a lot easier, almost too easy. I spent the entire session not looking at my T, really not talking much to her except to answer questions. I didn't want to be there that day. But, I'd been crying through much of the session, just not wanting her to see. About 5 minutes before the session was over, she came over and sat right next to me, put her arms around me, and just held me. Rubbed my back, played with my hair, she helped me feel like I wasn't in this world alone. I could hear her heartbeat through her chest, and just that alone I found extremely comforting. I have a *thing* about hearing peoples' heartbeats, but she was the LAST one who's heart I thought I'd ever hear. My heart races so much, it's nice to hear a calming heart once in awhile. So, I truly benefited from that. I see her again Monday (twice a week).

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T and I hug after every session. For me, it's reassurance that everything is still okay btwn us. It shows trust and safety.

As far as healing moments, there's been 2 with my T.
1. Right before Christmas last year, my T had a family emergency and had to cancel our appt. Because of this, she said she would call and check in on Dec. 26th. She never called. I had a complete breakdown. She convinced to come in for an earlier appt. when she got back from vacation. I had lost all trust in her and she knew it. So when she came to the waiting room to take me back to her office, instead of saying anything to me, she walked up to me and hugged me. I went to let go thinking it was a normal quick type hug, but she didn't let go. And in that moment, I was able to relax and just feel the comfort of being in her arms. It meant so much to me. (It still took me another month till I regained full trust again.)

2. I disclosed to her in an email all my past traumas. Stupidly, I did this the night after my session with her, so I had to suffer a whole week on my own. The night before session, I was physically sick from the anxiety (constantly throwing up). I emailed her that I didn't think I could come in...it was just too much for me. She replied and asked me to please come in. I did. I couldn't even look at her when I first went into the office. She shut off the lights, and sat next to me on the couch (she never sits next to me). The whole session she stayed next to me. She rubbed my arm constantly. For me, I needed it. I didn't ask, but she knew. That touch allowed me to know that she accepted me and I was safe. It allowed me to know that she wasn't disgusted with me even though I was disgusted with myself.

I truly believe touch can be healing: for the right person at the right time.

[ThisWayOut]

I did with one of my first T's. I was having a rough time, and that session was also pretty rough (though I don't know what we talked about anymore as it was almosy 17 years ago). She asked if she could give me a hug before I left. I'm used to quick little hugs, but she hung on and hugged me a bit tighter when I went to pull away. I think I would have been weirded out by anyone else doing it, but I trusted her a lot... like SP's experience, it let me feel a bit more connected and less contageous/dirty/unlovable...
The only other t that ever hugged me was the last psychologist I saw before I moved, and that was the last session before my move. I think maybe my first real therapist might have hugged me once or twice, but they were quck little hugs, nothing that stood out... I'm not a huggy person with most, lease of all with T's (feels way too vulnerable, and lots of body boudary issues from abuse)...

[TheWell]

I self harm. I have a lot of scars on my leg. I showed my T and he asked if he could touch them. It was very healing because it made me feel good. No one had touched them before and it always felt like this horrible place that no one would ever touch.

[Petra5ed]

I've never regretted hugging my T. I think it's helped us bond, and like someone else said, it helps me know we are still ok at the end of sessions. For me it helped make therapy feel more personal and less like a business relationship. In some ways that's good, from a relationship standpoint it's good, but in another way it's caused me a bit of pain. Because we hug I think I've had my hopes up at times that there was something more between us, not necessarily sexual even, but just like a friendship or a familial relationship that at other times I realize isn't really there... so in a way it has made me mourn what I don't have with my T.

[wotchermuggle]

I am pretty anti-touch type of person, but I recently I had a non-therapy experience where I was able to experience comfort by someone touching me. I just talked about this in therapy so I don't want to explain it incase T someone finds me on this forum (extreme paranoia!).

I just want to say that it IS possible to overcome this. I can't tell you how comforted I was which is the complete opposite up until now.

I don't know about it being a part of therapy with the therapist doing the touching (that would freak me out personally).

[nottrustin]

.. I'm not a huggy person with most, lease of all with T's (feels way too vulnerable, and lots of body boudary issues from abuse)...[/quote]

I am not a huggy person either. My husband and youngest son are. I told T very early on that it is something I struggle with and have had to work on knowing that hugging is okay and doesn't mean anything sexual. So maybe that is why hugging T seems so therapeutic for me..

Maybe not in the way you mean, but I did equine therapy which did include touch (with horses), and that was at times deeply healing because it would only happen when I was not giving off conflicting messages and was genuinely wanting connection. I would not have wanted my therapist to touch me, and she never did, except when I shook her hand at the first and last sessions.

[Leah123]

I had very different experiences with touch with two of my first three therapists as a teenager. The first, my school counselor, would hug me after these incredibly intense sessions where I'd burst into tears talking about feeling trapped at home or a man who'd tried to molest me once after following me home. Those hugs opened me up to being cared for in sustaining, healing, joyful way. And made me feel accepted. They were very powerful agents of change from a very powerful woman. She was deeply inspiring to me, and a lot of it was due to the bonding over telling difficult truths and touching afterward. The way she conveyed sympathy and shared energy in those hugs was really phenomenal for me.

Jump ahead a year and I'd disclosed abuse by my father to a 'proper' therapist in a clinical setting. I began asking her for hugs and she'd hold me in a very sensual-feeling way that was closer to being arousing than anything. It was a terrible combination of disclosing abuse and vulnerabilities and being embraced in a way that just wasn't therapeutic. It really confused me, added to my angst and was never resolved as she broke my confidentiality (damn interns!) and I left suddenly when that happened.

I had to process that experience in my current round of therapy because that fear of being inappropriately aroused with a therapist pretty much terrified me, made me a little fearful I could even do therapeutic work around the abuse anymore in a deep way. But my current therapist, a true pro, got me through it almost painlessly, she made is so simple- the gap in experience and skill between her and that old intern was just vast.

Also though, the healing touch from my first counselor stayed with me even more powerfully all through the years, it's been 20+ now, and so I wouldn't trade the ability to be touched in therapy for anything- those hugs and such were almost magically transformative for me, along, of course, with the rest of the therapy.

[junkDNA]

my former T started making advances on me sexually. he wanted to give me a massage. he wanted to hug me (we hadnt hugged each other ever in the 5 yrs we were working together). all of that escalated so quickly. it went to a very bad place. and it all started with a hug.

now that former T is gone and i have finally let myself be angry at him and what he did to me i seem to be more comfortable with touch. but only sometimes.

my current T and i hug sometimes. he makes me feel safe. he shows me that love doesnt include abuse. i remember one time when we were flying back from a different state together and i started hearing voices really bad and was really paranoid and stuck on an airplane. i covered my ears with my hands and just curled up in the seat. T was next to me and he rubbed my arm. it let me know that he was there and he was a safe person and he wouldnt let anything bad happen.

so yeah i am learning that there are different kinds of touch. i am learning how to set boundaries around touch that i do not like or want. i am becoming more open to healthy touch. i even hug my friend sometimes. before when anyone would touch me i would instantly get very angry. but now it feels safer.

Have had quiet a few.
One example... So i have one inside kid (i have DID) who is a real jerk. He acts mean, selfish, says terrible things. One time he came out swinging his fists at t and hitting her, going on about how he hates her and hates everyone. Apparently she caught him and restrained him, and kept holding him(he has never been touched),& of course he kept swearing at her and trying to hit. She held him tight a long time and eventaully he started crying and sunk into her arms and they had a good,long talk while she hugged him. It sems like now he respects her and actually wants to talk to her, but i dont know if he does or not (not co conscious with him), but t says it was an extremely healing thing for him.

There are other inside alters who have had similar experiences with t, various issues and things going on with them, and her hugs and healing touch have had a profound effect on them.

[Ambra]

I used to shake hands with my T at the beginning of treatment, after disclosing my csa I stopped doing that, now I think I was (am) afraid of being rejected or that my T wouldn't want to touch my hand anymore (she's the only one knowing about that). Last month I was struggling with emotions in session and when I burst into tears she hugged me for some minutes and I really didn't expect it, hadn't asked for that. I froze at first but I saw she really didn't mind touching me so she wasn't probably disgusted and I relaxed. I don't tend to hug people usually but as JunkDNA wrote she showed me that hugs/touch aren't necessarily dangerous and don't include abuse. I ended up with a feeling of warmth and love. It was the most healing session I guess. I regretted that session the other day when she talked about distancing sessions as I had never let myself be so vulnerable before and I felt rejected and am still trying to find the courage to talk about that. But rationally I know she didn't mean to get rid of me (I hope so).

[rainbow8]

Yes, I've had a healing experience through touch by my T and I still do. We used to do IFS therapy, which focuses on different parts of your personality. I was talking about a small child part, and how sad she was. My T asked me what that part needed. I don't remember exactly what I said, probably that she wanted to be held. My T asked if I wanted her to hold my hand, and it took a long time for me say yes. I had seen 4 other Ts and touch was never an option.

When T held my hand I felt safe and comforted. I never felt like that before. We continued with her holding my hand when I asked for it.

My T has been doing SE, somatic experiencing, with me, for about a year. Therapeutic touch is often used so she is holding my hand a little differently and started using more touch. Holding her hand still is the most amazing part of my therapy. It calms me and makes me feel that all is right in my world. T's goal is for the touch to change my nervous system so that I can feel that way without needing it from her.

[precaryous]

My experience is probably not what you mean, but I very much appreciated the way my previous female family doctor would deal with me. You know how many doctors are standoff-ish and spend just a few minutes with you? When my PrevFamilyDoctor was dealing with an issue, her touch was more caring, like a nurse? Like a mother? Just the way she touched me -I could tell she cared.

You would think it would be triggering for me because of what I've been through, but it wasn't. After what I've been through, it was very healing to have those experiences with her.

I'm sorry she's not my doctor anymore.

[coolibrarian]

I think in 25 years, my T and I have hugged twice. But for the last month we've been talking about it, and around it, because I told her it was being discussed in this forum and how it's making me feel. I also have been talking about my desire to hear her say she loves me. All of this is simultaneously desired and terrifying.

[lunatic soul]

It was really healing for me and unbearable pain when he stopped to hug me

[Jessica Hazlitt]

For a while me and T have sat back to back leaning on one another when talking about raw subjects. We found that the physical bond made talking about things a lot easier. So to try and make it a permanent feature last week we tried sitting side by side for the first time. It felt cozy but it was pointed out that (oddly) I was the one that was a little stand off-ish. Trying again next week I'm hopeful it's going to help if T is as un-weirded out as he seems.