Partially liked by your therapist

Sometimes I feel like my T doesnt like me. SOmetimes I might try to explain something and I feel maybe her frustration. Its mild, but it makes me feel scared. I want to stop coming to therapy all together. Or would it be better to stay and realize that not everyone is going to like you and just get what you can from the situation???

I want to stop coming to therapy all together

((( EV )))

Ahem. Knowing you as I do, I'd wager this is you trying to avoid diving into the troubled waters...

And I mean that in the most loving and caring way.

Hey Esther, do you have the will and strength to ask her if she likes you and why? I had to with mine for the same reasons you feel. I then proceeded to negate all her answers but overall I was pleasantly surprised with some of the things she said to me.

She told me as a T she has to find things she genuinely cares about in a person or she feels she is unable to help them. She says this is hard for her sometimes because she doesn't want to appear disingenuine but often will get a client she doesn't "like". If she feels after a true attempt that she cannot "care" for this person, she will work with them to find a better therapy fit. She also told me she is selective of her clients and that she does that so she can truly show them care and kindness that she really feels for them. She feels this is a major part of therapy at least for her to be able to truly work with that person.

Also, she told me she liked me very much and she finds me very easy to care for (which made me feel all fuzzy). Her responses helped me tremendously with trust with her, but I do still question some of the other things she said to persuade me that I'm well-liked by her and that she feels strongly this way with me in ways that not every client brings out in her.

I say, maybe push this a little more with her, don't be afraid of the answers, but be very specific with the asking....

you know not all T's have their own %#@&#! sorted. From my own experience with T's before the one I've got now, they were crap! wouldn't know how to keep their own stuff out of the session.

I've never felt anything negative from this current T. maybe this isn't the case for you EV, but sometimes I have to wonder about the quality of some T's.

I remember my T saying to be a T one must have had many many hours of T themselves.

Wow this is hard stuff to ask about. I never would have thought to ask my therapist if he liked me, but one day he volunteered the information. I asked him what he thought of me (and my issues and progress), and he said "I think you're trying to ask me if I like you." Of course I denied that that was what I was doing, but he may have been right. He went on to tell me that he liked me, and I was so happy.

Just ask. Get it all out there and then you'll know whether it's worthwhile or not.

(Great advice from someone who would be way too chicken to do that, eh?)

Sidony

Oh EV, I can so relate to your "turmoil"(may I call it that?).

I had similar feelings, but I could NEVER ask what T. thought of me, because I was so sure of the answer.... and was so so afraid to hear such a hurtful thing. ..... so with that and a few other reasons, I quit therapy.

I hope you will stick with it at least a bit longer and express to your T. the feelings you're experiencing..... I didn't do that myself! ...... and now, I have unanswered questions...

esthersvirtue-

mandy

I get that feeling sometimes too, that my therapist doesn't like me. He actually asked me the last time I saw him if I thought that he disliked me -- I told him no, but I really meant yes, a very strong yes! I So I'm telling him tomorrow that I got scared and lied. Sensing that someone may not like you as a person or client, especially with the type of relationship and connection you can get is really hard.

I'd say bring it up with your T. She probably does like you, otherwise I'd hope she'd try to transfer you to someone else.

Hope I made some sense, I sometimes feel I confuse myself.

ooohhh (((hugs))) You just have to tell her,, HAVE to right in that session or the next... it's very common to feel things like this. Even I did, and knowing better, but thought I did know what my T was saying or projecting, NOT. I only learned the truth by sharing "how I heard that" with him.

I always tell my T if I feel like he is getting frustrated with me... Then we talk about it because most of the time, I am projecting my own frustration and making it out like he's getting frustrated at me, when I'm the one getting frustrated at myself. Sigh. Confusing stuff. Good luck.

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pinksoil said:
I always tell my T if I feel like he is getting frustrated with me... Then we talk about it because most of the time, I am projecting my own frustration and making it out like he's getting frustrated at me, when I'm the one getting frustrated at myself.

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It's amazing how similar all our experiences are in therapy! I often feel like I'm reading about myself on this forum. :-) I remember talking to my therapist once and asking him "Is it frustrating to talk to me?" (I thought I was being particularly redundant and hung-up on an issue.) He immediately said "no, but it sounds like you're getting frustrated." Which was, of course, true.

I love therapy. It's really causing me to think differently. I know I'm starting to communicate a little better.

Sidony

Sidony, that's what I'm realizing too. Because of therapy, I am becoming better at communicating. That's no small gain for me.

hi esther,

Maybe she seems frustrated because she's trying to help but feels, I don't know not 'powerless' but that she can't take the step for you? Sorry if I don't make sense, I can't find the word I am looking for...

I think you should stick to it, and voice your concerns about how you perceive her reactions (frustration, not liking you etc.). Sometimes clearing the air can be beneficial - e.g. thinking someone doesn't like us and realising this is not the case.

thank you all... so many good responsses.

I guess I hear you all saying to not leave but to try to talk to her. Shes going to be gone for 3 weeks, but maybe when she gets back. I cried much of the night yesterday about this. I feel like im never in the situation to be loved. I want it so much, but also do everything to avoid being hurt. So tiring and frustrating.

I want it so much, but also do everything to avoid being hurt.

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Petunia said:
I want it so much, but also do everything to avoid being hurt.

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I second that quote, Esthers. Very in tune with the post I made about "best session = worst session" Sometimes building a relationship can be one of the most painful things there is.