[sweepy62]

I told her about my triggering weekend with my sister in laws son, told her about my ptsd nightmares.

She knows I have one best friend who I trust and who knows me well, and knows , I had a rough childhood with alcoholic and violent family, but does not know about c s a.

T knows this. T asked me if I had told anyone like my friend or h about the incident with my sister in laws son.

I said no, I was waiting to tell her, she told me 2 weeks is a long time to hold on to it, she said I should have told h or my friend to process it, she said it was a coping skill out of therapy,

Then she asked how I cope with nightmares , I said grounding and journaling and wait to bring it to session . She suggested I open up to my friend about the c s a as a coping skill out of therapy. WTF .

She says she wants and needs me to open up to her , so next session , we are going to start doing origami together while we talk .

One more thing that bothered me alot was she said. We have no end date, we are long term, but therapy isn't forever.

NO **** , I responded, I have no intentions on it being forever, but you guys keep leaving in the middle of it and its not my fault. She said I know but I'm still here.

I slowly shut down after , I got my assignment and left. I was hurt. I didn't say anything.

What's your take on all of this?

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Geez, that's a lot to take in. I think what she meant by therapy being long term, but not forever, is that you don't have to worry about her going anywhere, that she's committed to you, but at the same time she doesn't want you to let any grass grow waiting around for things to progress. She sounds like a taskmaster!

I don't understand the part about urging you to talk about past trauma with your friend. That's why you're in therapy, so that you can do that safely. I can't talk about things like that with a friend. For me, it would not help. I think you just need to decide for yourself what alleviates your stress and what causes more.

On the whole, it sounds like she's committed, so that's all good. Talking to your friend about trauma? Hmmmm...I'm not feeling it.

[DelusionsDaily]

Sweepy...If you are doing the best you can, take her words with a grain of salt. It doesn't sound like you want your friend to know about CSA and that IS OK. I know for me journaling allows me to get through to sessions when a lot is going on. I can understand why she wants you to open up to your friend but only when you're ready. Hang in there! It's gotta get better.

[sweepy62]

To me it sounded like she's pushing me to open up to my friend about c s a because , she doesn't want to deal with me.

Another thing is that I was under the impression you need to feel safe to talk about this kind of trauma. I run the risk of her not really wanting to hear it or not paying full attention .

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[HazelGirl]

She did not say she doesn't want to deal with you. She knows she can't see you weekly right now and doesn't want you to struggle in between sessions. She is trying to give you some more choices on how to handle it rather than bottle it all up until you see her next.

[sweepy62]

Ugh hazelgirl !!!! ( stomping feet) lol

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Not everyone (close friends included) want to hear about trauma. I have a friend who leaves the door open for me to share whatever I want, but also says she is afraid that she will say the wrong thing and end up hurting me. I think you are just fine to tell your therapist this is not an option for you if it increases your stress. Tell her your solution is to get back on a weekly schedule.

[Tongalee]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Ugh hazelgirl !!!! ( stomping feet) lol

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Hazelgirl is exactly right. My t is on the road to saying the same thing. I bottle up everything that I need to get out and wait to do so in therapy figuring that I'm seeing a therapist to talk over the hard things and learn how to deal with them on my own. However, she doesn't necessarily want that. She wants me to slowly open up about things from my past with someone I trust in my real world so that when we eventually feel that I've gained all that there is to be gained from therapy, I can take what I've learned, how to gently rely on others trusting them and letting them in, and apply it to my outside world. I know that her suggestion to tell me friend about the csa is coming soon, and I think it's for the exact same reasons your t wants you to think about opening up to yours. "It's lonely living a life where no one can see you," says t, "you don't have to do this alone."

It takes bravery, which is something that I don't have in regards to this area, but wish to you. I'm sorry you have mixed feelings about today's session and hope that you can have a good in between session time.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

Not everyone (close friends included) want to hear about trauma. I have a friend who leaves the door open for me to share whatever I want, but also says she is afraid that she will say the wrong thing and end up hurting me. I think you are just fine to tell your therapist this is not an option for you if it increases your stress. Tell her your solution is to get back on a weekly schedule.

My friend is nice and all but is not the type to tell sensitive stuff like this. She has been through a bad childhood with her mom being and alcoholic but no violence, abandonment , not to minimize abandonment . When I disclosed the trauma about the violence because of the alcohol that bastard put us through, she listened, but was playing words with friends on her iPhone . That's how we communicate . She said, that's horrible, but that was in the past your in therapy now. Just be happy. So I'm not approaching her with c s a , she already suspects it anyway.

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[growlycat]

It was terrible timing for her to bring it up!! You haven't had enough stable sessions to even start, really. I think she is being unrealistic about the timeframe.

My main T has said that most patients reveal their hardest material after seeing a T for 6-10 years. So I don't know what your T is thinking!!

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by growlycat

It was terrible timing for her to bring it up!! You haven't had enough stable sessions to even start, really. I think she is being unrealistic about the timeframe.

My main T has said that most patients reveal their hardest material after seeing a T for 6-10 years. So I don't know what your T is thinking!!

Thanks today's session made me feel like I'm going to slow , so I said " these are just wasted sessions, she was upset that I said that. She said these sessions are not wasted, even if we don't get much done.

I have only been with her 6 months. When she said therapy is not forever, I got pissed , I said yes I been here a while t1 = 1 yr 3 months but by the time I opened up , she left in the middle of therapy.

T2. Saw a year and 2 mos once every 2 weeks same thing by the time I got over t1 and trusted again she left. So yes I told her I been in therapy a while but you guys keep leaving. Maybe if I had proper therapy with my goals met and proper termination, I wouldn't be here. Boy was I mad.

She agreed, she said that's not what she meant,

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[granite1]

maybe she wants yo to have a support outside T before you start the trauma work more. I don't get the T isn't forever.i agree that was horrible timeing

[iheartjacques]

Originally Posted by growlycat

It was terrible timing for her to bring it up!! You haven't had enough stable sessions to even start, really. I think she is being unrealistic about the timeframe.

My main T has said that most patients reveal their hardest material after seeing a T for 6-10 years. So I don't know what your T is thinking!!

6-10 years?! Gee. I'm over 18 months in and it feels like things are getting harder, I'm getting to the last few boxes left in my basement (my analogy for my stuff). I was hoping to be done this year.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by granite1

maybe she wants yo to have a support outside T before you start the trauma work more. I don't get the T isn't forever.i agree that was horrible timeing

You know granite, I can maybe understand now the xtra support out of therapy. The comment about therapy is not forever was not called for, and I don't know why , but it really. Hurt and bothered me. She made me feel like I was using the system or was wasting the other therapists time.

It didn't make sense, then she tells me , oh we don't have an end date and I enjoy working with you. I can't shake those words.

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[sweepy62]

Also it's not even that I'm dependant on her, she is always suggesting I call when I need to, she wants out relationship more open and closer.

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[pbutton]

I think that she was trying to point out that holding things in for two weeks is not a good long-term plan. When bad things happen, it would be helpful to have a network of support to help you through it.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I think that she was trying to point out that holding things in for two weeks is not a good long-term plan. When bad things happen, it would be helpful to have a network of support to help you through it.

I agree , it's not, but I process it here with you guys, I don't comunicate well with h , and my friend , she doesn't live close anymore , she comes to town every other weekend. We do text . The therapy is not forever comment did not make sense.

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Originally Posted by sweepy62

. . . .She says she wants and needs me to open up to her , so next session , we are going to start doing origami together while we talk .
One more thing that bothered me alot was she said. We have no end date, we are long term, but therapy isn't forever.URL]

I think the thing that struck me the most about your description of your session is that your therapist was showing some pretty poor timing, You've talked about how unsettled you've been with the lack of regular sessions due to the clinic's difficulty keeping and then training new therapists. You've talked about telling your therapist very clearly that you are having a difficult time with things going on in your life and you need regular face-to-face contact. I get it that your therapist is frustrated not being able to see your and all her other clients on a consistent basis, but her comment about "therapy isn't forever" was the absolutely WRONG thing to say during you session--a session that was not a weekly appointment meant to foster trust and consistency. When you're giving her regular feedback that you aren't feeling secure with the current schedule, she shouldn't have countered with therapy not being forever! It isn't a very reassuring message to someone who is struggling to stay connected to her therapist during a time when the therapist really isn't available or able to provide the security and trust building climate of regular appointments.

The other thing that stood out for me is that she "needs you to open up to her" next session. WTH???? How is that something that needs to be asked for from you when you've told her repeatedly that the current appointment schedule is inadequate for the work you need to do in therapy? The scheduling problems are NOT your problem, they are your therapist's and the clinic she works for. You have a need to feel safe and secure in the relationship before opening up the wound. You're unsure that she is going to be there to support you because this clinic has a history of changing your therapist and then decreasing your contact time because THEY are having employee problems. I'm sorry but your therapist is really not getting this issue if she's telling you that she "needs" you to open up at the next session. Like you, I'd wonder if she was going to be there to help process what you open up about. I get it that she has no control over the scheduling issues, but she needs to be a bit more cognizant of the reasons behind why you're struggling. Just my take on things. Hope it gets better.

Opps, forgot to add. I also understand that your therapist wants you to find some in life support. It's good that she's made the suggestions that you talk to your husband or your good friend, but if you've told her that those people aren't an option, then it's her job to work with you to develop a support network. It's one of the most important things for a trauma therapist to do with her client. If there aren't people in the client's immediate life, there are groups, skill building groups, NAMI groups etc. I wish she'd dig a bit deeper in this area to help you with this because doing the deeper work while she isn't consistently available is not a great idea.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

Opps, forgot to add. I also understand that your therapist wants you to find some in life support. It's good that she's made the suggestions that you talk to your husband or your good friend, but if you've told her that those people aren't an option, then it's her job to work with you to develop a support network. It's one of the most important things for a trauma therapist to do with her client. If there aren't people in the client's immediate life, there are groups, skill building groups, NAMI groups etc. I wish she'd dig a bit deeper in this area to help you with this because doing the deeper work while she isn't consistently available is not a great idea.

Thank you for understanding, NAMI is a very good support network , she knows h is not supportive, and does not know about my c s a. My good friend knows me and I do trust her , we both process stuff with each other, but c s a stuff is not an everyday thing that you just sit down and suddenly start talking to a friend about while watching an episode of " Big Bang theory lol.

Some things need only be processed on a therapeutic environment . The impression I got from her was , that I went through two therapists, and had not disclosed enough c s a.

But she also knows , the style of therapy they were using, and t1 was not qualified to deal with c sa . And she was friends with t2 ,which explained to her that I had trust issues and I was making progress but then I shut down as soon as she told me she was leaving.

I told this t , I m trying my best I work hard in therapy I do all the homework , I'm very organized, I have a folder with all my notes topics, drawings, journals, paintings, and she agreed .

She still calls me avoidant, but not in a mean way. She wants my trust and more connection and closeness.

She wants me to incorporate the dynamic I had with t 2 into our sessions .

My plan for next session oct 29th idk but she wants open, I'm gonna give her open!!!!!!

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