Does your therapist

Does your therapist use your name very often? I have found that the several pdocs I have seen (4) never used my name while we were in session, they would if they phoned me regarding an appointment or prescription only.

Now that I am seeing a psychologist, I am quite pleased that she does say my name!

I can't believe I am bringing this up, because I am sure most of you are called by name. Wondering what is wrong with me?

It really makes a difference (positive) for me!

Six views and no replies. :-( I guess no one has the problem I had for 20+ years. I feel invisible. The doctors don't call me by name and now I have a new therapist who does use my name, but I am still very very unsure of myself. I am not sure I fit in here either :-(

((((((OliviaC)))))))))

Sometimes I feel like that, but mine has extended to any one (really close) relationship. It's like they don't see "me" but just a problem to be fixed or whatnot.

during phone calls, my old T would use my name. during session though, she only used it about 3 times over the course of nine months. everytime she used it, i was quite taken back actually. with my new T however, i rarely notice whether she uses my name or not...

mel

Well that's an interesting question. I don't think she uses my name very often. But in thinking about it, in conversation, I don't often use people's names either, when I'm talking directly to them. Actually it takes me up when someone does use my name directly to me. Not in a bad way though, just that they feel very strongly about whatever they are saying, to use my name. Anyone else notice this?

Well I have the opposite problem. The last one called me by name (grounding?) but I felt like I was "in trouble" when she did.

OMG ECHOES, I was going to say the same thing!

I asked T not to call me by name because my mother always did when I was in trouble or she was being sarcastic.

P-doc calls me by name and even though I've been seeing her for a long time, I still don't feel comfortable enough to say anything.

Good question and I am trying to think.......

Phone conversations/messages......yes.

Emails (not often).....yes

In session..........not that I can remember.....but i think I'd love it, I am going to be on the lookout for if/when she does.

I often use ppls names when talking with them. So, I think that some do it and some don't (people that is). I find it as an engagement tool to connect and make sure we are really "there" together. I use her name in session tho.

Hi Olivia,

I was interested to read your post, especially since I once made a comment in my journal to remember when my therapist called me by name during session. For the most part, he never does. Maybe about 3 times he has -- it's been when I've said something that was somewhat self-derogatory or else just generally depressing about my life. I feel very shy when he suddenly says my name. I do feel like he says it when he's suddenly particularly worried about me. But I'd say he's only used my name maybe 3 times in more than a year. After all, there's not that much use for names when there's only 2 people involved. But I'm glad you like your new therapist saying it. Did you tell her so?

On a side note, I recently started group therapy and found that all the other group members call my/their therapist by his first name. Whereas I call him "Dr. ____." I felt weird about that and now I almost never address him by name at all since I'm too shy to mention that I felt weird about it. Maybe I should have called him by his first name to begin with, but it never occurred to me. (Generally if I hire someone in a professional capacity, I call them by whatever their title is.) I'll probably feel like a dork if I ever mention it to him. :-/ I probably should though -- he'll notice if I suddenly start calling him by his first name. Blah.

Sidony

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phillygirl said:
Well that's an interesting question. I don't think she uses my name very often. But in thinking about it, in conversation, I don't often use people's names either, when I'm talking directly to them. Actually it takes me up when someone does use my name directly to me. Not in a bad way though, just that they feel very strongly about whatever they are saying, to use my name. Anyone else notice this?

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I'm from Philly, too!

I remember my T using my name on the phone.

I don't think he uses it in session. I'm glad. I get weird when people use my name I have never said his name to him, not once. Wait, actually I used it once, but I was only relaying something that the pdoc had said. I said something to the pdcoc and he said, "Did you talk about this with Ray?." Then when my T asked me a question about the appt. I said, "Well, the doctor said: Talk about this to Ray." That was the only time I ever used his name in his presence. Why am I weird about names? Why am I weird about everything?

I'm finding this a very interesting thread. Thanks for asking the question, Olivia.

My T and I sometimes use each other's names in session. (We call each other by our first names.) But since it is just us two in the room, there isn't too much need. I think he uses my name for emphasis, when he really wants my attention and wants me to focus on something of importance he is about to say. I only use his name in the same situation, when I want him to really attend to what I am saying. I really like it when he speaks my name.

He also sometimes uses terms of endearment with me. It is rare, but occasionally they slip out, and they warm my heart.

Pinksoil, that's so interesting you remember the exact one time you spoke your T's name. Sounds like a significant moment to me! Maybe try it again...

yeah. he uses my name a lot. in a 'just checking' kind of hopeful way... like he is waiting for me to say 'no. i'm xxx'.

dammit

:-(

My former T used it quite often and I really liked it, felt cozy to me.

So funny... I never really thought about it in particular. My last therapist never really used by name except for when c alling me on the phone, in email or such things as that but not in session.

However my current therapist will sometimes say my name in session and refer to me with me as if from 3rd person or other such way.... it always takes me by suprise hearing my name being called... plus it doesnt help that my name.. my real name is kinda long.. has like 4 syllabals and so on so it's like whoa there... lol... anwyas.. how funny

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SuperGimp said:
However my current therapist will sometimes say my name in session and refer to me with me as if from 3rd person or other such way...

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Hey, I just remembered that mine has done that too! 3rd person references always sound weird to me -- he's usually making some kind of example about how others might perceive me or something when he does that. Even that's infrequent though.

Sidony

My therapist calls me by name only to get my attention. He'll go now JAN...... I don't like it. He also tells me to look at him when he's trying to make a point. I don't like that either. I have a problem with looking at people I think are in authority.

Jbug

No my T has never said my name except in email or the couple times she had too phone me. But I also have never said her name. Even in my journal I refer to her as T. Somehow using names breaks the fantasy in my mind I think. If I had to say her name it would make it so real. If she said my name? well I don't know, I just dont want her to use it. I just like her smiling gestures instead.

The only time my therapist says my name is when he comes out into the waiting area. That's about it come to think of it.

Interesting replies. Mostly my t uses my name when we are finishing up the session. She'll say it once maybe every couple weeks. *And* she smiles which helps me tremendously, as my pdoc whom I saw for therapy and med visits before, never smiled at me. Of course you don't want them smiling at inappropriate times but it does make me feel more positive toward her when she smiles genuinely.

Of course, since I have only been seeing her for a couple months, I am not sure how to address her. First name? She used mine, but she is a psychologist, so I am wondering if I should address her as "Dr."? Maybe I will ask her.

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mouse_ said:
No my T has never said my name except in email or the couple times she had too phone me. But I also have never said her name. Even in my journal I refer to her as T. Somehow using names breaks the fantasy in my mind I think. If I had to say her name it would make it so real. If she said my name? well I don't know, I just dont want her to use it. I just like her smiling gestures instead.

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I do the same thing in my journal, Mouse. And when I talk about therapy with my husband, I just say "my therapist." I never say his name, other than the one time I explained in my post. Oh, and once I said it when I had to talk about him to my pdoc. They work in the same place and obviously know each other and they share information on me (I tell T to tell my pdoc stuff about my symptoms b/c it makes it easier), so I would feel stupid if I was like, "My therapist said...." So I'll say his name, but really really quickly, like the big dork that I am.

But I'm glad you posted that, Mouse. I couldn't really figure out why I am like this, but what you said really makes sense.... It all goes along with my idealistic view of him.... With a name, then he is a person. But without a name, he is the almighty T, equipped with superpowers.

You know, it's strange. I don't think we use each others names in my appointments - I do in email though. I think it would be weird to me since there are just the two of us and we know who we are. I'm gonna start listening now though. Maybe I'll try out saying, Hi Sheila when I go in next time.