If you could ask your T one question...

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pinksoil said:
I thought I was a pathetic stalker, but I see it's quite normal.

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I am feeling exactly the same. So good to know I'm not a stalker after all. The first message T left on my cell phone was after our first appointment and I was not able to see him for a month after that. I was going through this hellacious and frustrating commitment of my time then (which made it impossible to schedule to see him), and I used to play his message for comfort until my obligation was over. It was a total bummer when the message finally expired and was deleted.

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sunrise said:
It was a total bummer when the message finally expired and was deleted.

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Yeah, why do cell phones make the messages expire? Don't they know we have T's?

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I think I'd want to tape a session, since that's sometimes done by T's, rather than have a picture; I'd want to hear my T's voice talking to me.

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My T made me a tape. I took it home and listened to it.

I couldn't deal with someone saying nice things about me and trying to soothe me in a motherly fashion. It was foreign and I didn't know where to "put" it.

It freaked me out so much I gave it back right away. She looked hurt but said she understood.

I firmly believe that if I asked my T a question such as you are wanting here, as long as I could justify how knowing the answer would benefit me and not harm anyone, he would answer Otherwise, I don't want to ask it I think. TC

I know that I could ask my T any question in the world and he would answer it without hesitation however the problem lies within me and being able to actually ask it. That is the hard part. My fears and insecurities.

Petunia, I never thought of the tape being something hard to listen to. I am glad that she understood though.

Petunia, I never thought of the tape being something hard to listen to. I am glad that she understood though.

I have built my defense wall sturdy.

It would please T to be able to give me a hug. She asked if it was alright once and I tried, I really did because I would like nothing more than to feel something, but I was a piece of steel.

P-doc told me recently, "you need to try and let me and T nurture you" I could have bolted out the door.

Scares me to death. I don't know what to make out of it. I don't trust it.

I've been seeing my T for ten years and this P-doc for four. You'd think by now...

I am so happy to come across this subject--I feel a little bit more normal. I thought I was weird or a stalker because I would love to have a picture or a voice recording or something like that. I think that I spend so much time in therapy looking down or away, that I never get a real good look at my therapist or pdoc. The perfect picture would be both of them together.

I agree with you. I would ask him to hold me probably. Every so often he'll talk about something in his private life but it isn't real profound.

Maybe he would if I didn't have an attachment to him. Or maybe he secretly hates me who knows!

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almeda24fan said:
Or maybe he secretly hates me who knows!

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lol, that's something I would say. One time I told T I worry and wonder all the time what he's thinking. He asked me what I thought he was thinking. So I told him: You are probably thinking 'Get me out of here. This chick is nuts, way beyond any help I could give her.' He was like, "Have I done anything to lead you to believe that's what I'm thinking?"

No.

But still.....

Pink, you basically just parroted what I said to him about one or two sessions ago. I'm so glad I found this forum and you all.

When I said that to my T, he said "why would I ever want to do that"...of course some questions have no logical answers but the fear is still there....you may recall a previous post where I talked about cancelled sessions right after we talked about this and I freaked out on myself. Mostly crying at my desk like an idiot....

Turns out he really did have a conflict hence the cancelled sessions...when will I learn??

Thanks Pink because reading your post about wondering what your T is thinking is something that I do as well.

Your response of No....But Still was exactly what I would have said.

My T actually said just before Christmas that his New Years Resolution was to get me to stop saying the word "But" . Somehow it hasn't worked yet because I keep saying it I do change it up for him at times and say "however" instead of "but"

Wow I feel really special now because a couple of years ago my T sent me a Christmas card that was a picture of him and his family. I had it on my fridge until I moved.

I also would ask him if he was sorry he told Benton he would take me on as a client.

Jbug

Okay everyone, I did it....I asked if she knew what she knows about me now after 2 years (I reminded her she said she chose her clients carefully)......does she regret taking me as a client and would she still if she knew then what she knows now.......

She answered right away, without much pause at all and said, "absolutely". She then said she was scaling down her private practice, won't take new clients and will only keep one or two in private practice. She said, I would be one if I were willing. Then we had a fantastic session where I asked her a MILLION questions and worked through some great stuff.....so thanks for the questin guys.....it paid off for me and we learned a lot more about our realtionship and I am less fearful to ask her questions. It was incredible!

That's fantastic, Talulah! (((hugs)))

Way to go, Talulah!

I am always asking my counselor questions so I don't have any that I wish I could ask her. I just do it. My counselor is so funny and she does answer personal questions within reason (at the appropiate time that is). The only time she has refused me an answer was when I attempted to ask her a question as a way to distract her from what she was asking me about. other than that I ways recieve an answer from her.

That is awesome Talulah!

Talulah....You inspired me to ask my T about the same question....I've been with my T for 5 years and always wondered if he regretted telling Benton yes he would take me on. I just asked him and he assured me that he was glad he took me on and that we worked well together. Thanks

Jbug

Janniebug,

I have admiration for you being able to ask the question of your T and to be honest you both have given me the courage to ask the same question of my T. I see him on Monday and I think I will too.

Wish me luck..

(((((((((((((((((((jannie)))))))))))))))))))))

Yay for you! feels insanely wonderful huh? Gives you courage to maybe ask some more.......this is a great thread.....great ideas.

Sunshine31..........................Yahooo! Yes, do it and I will be thinking of you Monday, sending love and encouragement, you will do great. Brave sunshine......((((((((hugs))))))))

I made myself a "feel good" tape. I'd ask her to put some of her positive thinking comments on a tape. I have a tape of a former psychologist doing hypnosis that I like to listen to. I sometimes miss him and want to hear his voice. I would kind of like a tape with her voice on it saying her sweet things to me about how I can do it.
I sometimes want to ask if she thinks I am mentally health enough to councel others. My practicum starts in the fall and she keeps encouraging me to go for it. Would she tell me if she didn't think I was mentally healthy enough to councel others? Or would she not tell me because it would make me cry more often than I do now? (If that's possible, hehe.)

Yeah you guys - I would love to ask my T - but I could never find the courage. Espcially since it has been so dramatic lately. I am very very afraid of the answer. I am afraid to ask a friend of mine if she is sorry she is my friend. I totally would understand if they had regrets. But if it was spoken I think I would be totally devastated.

Talulah, congrats to you for being the only one of us who actually went ahead and asked your T your "If I could ask my T one question..." That's awesome!

I actually did ask my T last week "What are you thinking?"

And being the good analyst that he is, he answered...

"What do you think I'm thinking?"

Sigh.

I think i'd be afraid to ask for a tape............hmmmmm.......gotta think about that on. Would LOVE to have one....

Pinksoil............it is all of you and this great thread that gave me the courage because no matter what the answer, I would have grown. And, i have this place to share......

really when I think about it, would they honestly say, "yea, ya know, I wish I would've passed on you". So maybe it wasn't truly the 'answer' to the sepcific question that was being sought, just maybe what the asking led to.....it led to openness and closeness and more trust.....and me reaching and she....reaching...and us, going together. So, don't fear the answers guys, you know the risk in asking may provide you with more insight into your t and into your relationship with your t.

LOL pinksoil about what your t said.......what did you say back?

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pinksoil said:
I actually did ask my T last week "What are you thinking?"

And being the good analyst that he is, he answered...

"What do you think I'm thinking?"

Sigh.

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See now that would just %#@&amp;#! me off..... Gr!

Talulah, congrats on asking your T such a hard question!!! Awesome!

Sidony

P.S. Hey, I didn't know this thing would edit out swear words! It was a very mild swear word starting with a p.....