Triggered...After sessions

How do I remedy this?

For the last few weeks I've been going to therapy and talking about lots of 'horrible' things with my T, although I haven't told her the extent of some of the horrible things I've experienced, but whilst I'm speaking to her I'm fine. I can speak about things quite casually and then pretty much as soon as I leave the building I realise that I've triggered myself be speaking about all of these things and then spend the next few days either stuck in the past, or overwhelmed and panicky. The problem is when I 'm talking about these things I'm fine and I want to share things with her in order to get over all of this. How can I avoid triggers when I don't respond until afterwards!?

Mindful Moment

It's dissociation, and it just takes time. She should also be trying to make sure you don't talk too much, to limit that after-effect. Have you told her that's what is going on?

I was kind of going through the same thing. I had a session before Labor Day weekend. I was really messed up and in a lot of pain for the whole three days. It was finally my catalyst for calling my family doctor and getting him to put me on antidepressants until I could get an appointment with a pdoc.

My T did tell me often people feel worse after sessions as you dig stuff up.

I'm not going to say this always helps, but I carry legal pads with me so that after sessions or any time I can write things down. Then I share what is important in the next session.

I thought that dissociation is when you're not really present? I'm pretty alert when I'm discussing these things with her and I can speak freely with very little prompting. She has never really tried to stop me talking to much, I suppose because I appear to be fine when I'm speaking. I haven't really told her what has been going on because a part of me feels that I should be able to contain it. I will probably mention it at our next session though. I don't want to stop myself from sharing with her, but it does make me a little nervous to now, as I know that the after effects are so bad.

I'm sorry to hear that you experience a similar thing. It doesn't depress me, it's more that it comes as such a shock to me. The notebook sounds like a good idea. What sort of stuff do you write in it? (What you're feeling?) and how do you go about sharing it with your T? Do you just say here are some notes I made after last weeks session, could I read them to you?

There are many different kinds of dissociation. One type is not being physically present. Another type is cutting off some aspect of your current experience. So if you cut off your emotions while you're talking about something traumatic, you're dissociating. Or if you forget pieces of information related to a trauma, you're dissociating. Or if you feel overwhelming emotion with no reason why, you're dissociating.

Thanks for this explanation. I thought if I just said out loud what happened to me it would get easier to forget. Instead I spent almost 2 weeks fearful and anxious about the memories. I try to avoid talking about it again because I am afraid of the after affects. I think it was easier when I kept it secret or suppressed.

It does get harder at first, like a balloon over-filled. When you try to keep it all in there, it's big and uncomfortable and terrible. But once you start letting it out, it all comes rushing out and feels overwhelming. But eventually, it starts to fade and you aren't "over-filled" anymore. It does get easier eventually, but it gets harder first.

Thanks for that HazelGirl. I defiantly cut off my emotions whilst speaking about horrible things, so maybe that's something I'll have to work on, then maybe I won't feel so triggered afterwards.

Thanks everyone. I opened up a little today about holding back because of my fear. We agreed to try again but slowly. I hate being vulnerable and I don't want to cry it is so embarrassing for me.I want to be strong, I feel stupid about discussing things from my past. Shouldn't I just get over it? I just wish those memories and thoughts would disappear I thought i HAD THEM IN CHECK. Sorry for babbling. thanks again

It could be overwhelming when you try to do it all at once, and when one tries to heal trauma, slow and steady wins the race. You can talk to your T about your reactions after the sessions exactly like you talk about it here and explain to her what the problem is, and she should help you find ways to process your emotional material safely without getting overwhelmed. May be, you and she could talk about various things you can do every day that would help you keep yourself in balance first before you proceed with talking about traumatic material. Once you get stable, you can process your emotional baggage further, but slowly, one step at a time. If your T has a solid understanding of how trauma operates in the body, she should know all that.

Thanks for your explanation. We haven't discussed how we would proceed or what I should do until the next session. I'm hoping he will know what to do/proceed because I don't have a clue and it has been several months before I was able to talk about it again.

You are welcome. You may like this video about trauma recovery and other videos with Barbara Rotschild. She has a lot of experience working with trauma and her videos and books may be helpful to those recovering from trauma. Google her and you'll find the resources. From my own experience, I can tell that a big part of this recovery is educating yourself about how trauma works.

I could have written this! I tend to think my feelings are ridiculous and just told her last session that I'm embarrassed because I shouldn't have these needs. She asked "because you're an adult" and I said yes. She said if we didn't get them filled when we were young, they will come out as an adult and don't adults have needs too? I was raised to be strong, not show emotions, etc. And, I go through stages of feeling I should be over it. I also go through pushing her away so I don't care as much.

And, I can be fine in my session but know deep down something bothered me but can't figure it out. Then, I leave the session and 5 minutes later I'm a mess and know what the problem was. I separate from my feeling and have a hard time discussing them or even having words for them. So, then the next 2-3 days are hard until I start picking her apart and thinking how ridiculous the whole process is.

Thanks, I know exactly how you feel. I had a good session yesterday. I won't see him for 3 weeks. Been using him as a safety net! I hate that I rely on him to help me . I hate feeling vulnerable and needy. My friends and family would never believe I'm going through this! No one really knows what I've been through. I finally stated telling my H after 20+ years of marriage. He reacted like I thought he would which triggered and frightened me even more!!! I begged him to let me work it out and we can talk about it in little bits when I'm ready. Luckily he was respectful but now he knows why I act certain ways. Thanks for listening/reading!

Hi Mindful Moment,

I had the exact same problem you are having for a pretty long time! I would be OK in session, and then the emotional pain etc. would hit me a few hours later. Sometimes, it would stay with me all week, making me feel anxious, and like I needed to keep emailing my t. For awhile, I don't think she understood what was happening and she may have wondered "Why didn't you bring this up in session?" It may have looked like I was just attention seeking or wanting extra unpaid time from her, but it was nothing like that. It was all about how my reactions to what we talked about in session would be delayed. It wouldn't hit that bad until later, and then I would have SO MUCH trouble trying to put it all away.

What my t ended up doing with me is this. Every single time after my session, she would have me do a visual exercise of taking anxiety, concerns, or upsetting subjects that we had not yet discussed and put them into some kind of a container, lock it, and then leave it all in there. She would do this with me every time, whether I felt like I was triggered or not. Also, she would give me a couple of things to do if the triggered emotions came up during the week. It sounds weird, but what it basically amounts to is this:

When I notice the emotional turmoil coming up, insteadd of getting fearful and pushing it away OR letting myself ruminate on it, she wanted me to (1) listen to what emotions, thoughts, and fears were coming up, (2) accept that I was feeling that way, and that it's OK, (3) reassure myself that we will have time later on, in my session, to address all of the scary and upsetting things that were coming up for me, then (4) imagine putting all of that distress away, into that container again, and locking it. She told me that if the distress comes up again, do the same thing again. As many times as necessary.

One additional thing I sometimes do is, after going through the 4 steps, I imagine taking that upset part of myself and putting it into a safe place. The safe place can be anything that feels safe and calming for that part of you that is feeling so overwhelmed. It can be a place in nature that is soothing, or anything that feels calming to you.

If it feels like a small part of you that is reacting, you can picture taking her to her room and tucking her safely into bed, while reassuring her that she is safe, everything is OK, and that there is nothing at all she needs to worry about right now. Tell her that you will help her with all of her worries and concerns later on, but now it is time for her to rest. If you resist tucking her into bed, because you haven't developed enough empathy yet to want to soothe that part of yourself, you could just picture leading her to her room filled with toys, stuffed animals, and whatever else a child would enjoy.

If the hurting part of you feels older, like a teenager, you could picture her room with a record player, a TV, magazines, or whatever. . .or picture letting her engage in some activity she loves, like maybe dropping her off at the mall or the movies.

If you experience emotional pain as the adult you are, then you might do something that would soothe an adult, such as take a soothing bath, get a massage, watch funny movies, or whatever would soothe you and help those chaotic feelings subside.

The key is to PRACTICE doing this. Over time, you will teach yourself that your therapy session is the time to work on your emotional pain, and when the session is over, it is time to soothe and put away your distress so you can focus on your life outside therapy. It has taken me a long time to get to this point, but I am much better able to "put things away" now at the end of my session and then to "contain and soothe" when triggers pop up between sessions. I can function much better now and wait until my session to discuss difficult things. Instead of bad things popping up all during the week, I've learned to train my mind to wait unti lthe appropriate time to discuss my pain. And now that I don't allow my mind to ruminate and stress out all week, when I finally get to my session, those feelings and thoughts are ready to come out and share AT my session.

I hope some of this might help you. It's the only thing that has started working for me, that helps me keep calm and focused between sessions without everything in my mind spilling out all over the place and making me feel anxious and needy. I find, too, that the better I get at containing and calming myself, the less I feel the need to contact my t between sessions for support.

Thanks peaches that was great advice/examples. Very powerful!

Thanks for this Ididitmyway. I did end up bringing up how I was feeling during the week and my T was lovely about it. She told me that she would try and ground me if it ever happened occurred during sessions, but she didn't really give me many strategies to deal with it outside sessions :/ Since then I have avoided talking about the thing which triggered me even though she brings it up every session waiting for my to explore it. I have a massive issue around avoidance so I think that if she didn't bring it up again and again I'd store it away in my little 'things we don't talk about room' and we'd never make any progress. When we commence after the holidays I'm hoping I'll be better able to handle talking about it.

Hi Peaches,

Thanks for some wonderful advice! It sounds like you have an amazing and experienced T. I think your strategy around putting everything away like that may be useful for me when I start working (in the past I've ruminated after shifts). I love the four step process you wrote about, but I have a notoriously poor relationship with my inner child and so showing her compassion would be alien to me, but I could imagine locking her in therapy room and telling her to shut up. Not the most kind approach, but it may do the trick. I'm going to practice the container technique though and see how things go. I'm already freaking out and overreacting over our last session, even though at the time I felt okay about it!

X

Thank you so much for sharing this video. It really helped. She explains it so clearly. Now I have an idea of what needs to be done. I appreciate your help greatly and will continue to research Barbara Rotschild.