[CalmingOcean]

Therapy wasn't working for me so she assured me there was a new plan and this is her new plan, for me to see someone else someone more long term she said she was never meant to be long term :'(
She says it's a good thing and I'm sure it is but I am soooooo upset. I wanted to stay with her... I don't even know why I always felt she was frustrated with me and we couldn't do trauma work because I just wasn't ready. She says I need to take a break from everything, to stop trying to figure everything out and just 'be'. Be in the stupid world. She says I need to swim a few laps for a while

I cried.. So much. For the first time in a long time and my first time ever with her.. I said I didn't want to start over with someone knew. She said it was triggering some abandonment issues and that she will be with me the firsterting eith the new T... But still. I wanted it to work with my t

God, I feel like a big baby.

[Ad Intra]

That's terrible! It's really hard when your T abandons you. However your T isn't giving up on your she just has to ethically send you to someone else if she feel like she can't give you the care you need.

[ThisWayOut]

(hugs) I'm so sorry she is passing you off. It's always hard to switch T's, especialluy if it's not something you feel in control of.
Hopefully new T will be more helpful.
In the mean time, it's ok to cry and be sad. Losing a T is a really difficult thing...

[guilloche]

Getting referred to a new T *is* really hard... you're not a baby! It's hard to feel like you've found someone you can work with, and to commit to that, and then have them decide that it's not going to work out. (It's awful!)

It sounds like she is going to help with the transition? Does she know the new T?

Hang in there... hopefully the new T is someone who you'll like, and who will be around for a long time for you!

[CalmingOcean]

Thanks guys.

I don't know if she knows new t or not. All I said was it can't be a male because I can't open up well to men. I guess I was having a hard time connectin with her at first, I am a therapy newbie so I never knew how it all worked. But I finally convinced myself I can open up to her and trust her and she said we had a new plan... I didn't think it was going to be a new t

[JaneC]

That sounds really hard, and you have every right to feel sad or however you are feeling about it. Hopefully the new therapist is lovely, and now you'll be better prepared also with a bit of therapy experience under your belt.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by JaneC

That sounds really hard, and you have every right to feel sad or however you are feeling about it. Hopefully the new therapist is lovely, and now you'll be better prepared also with a bit of therapy experience under your belt.

Well.. That is true

Thanks, I need to learn to look on the bright side more. Hopefully I connect better with new t.

[PaulaS]

I had a partly similar experience as you when my T terminated me. You really don´t need to feel like a baby, many people who attend therapy have attachment and abandonment issues which you easily get reminded about in this kind of situation.

I really understand it´s very hard loosing a T because of such a reason as you describe but one thing you could perhaps be a bit grateful about is that she does send you to another T. I was terminated but also "put on the street", that is I now have to search for a new T all by myself.

I had a similar comment from my T, that I shouldn´t explore and analyse too much what went on in therapy. But that´s just who I am and perhaps who you are as well, you can´t "turn off your brain" to fit into therapy.

Even if it´s hard I would think about the situation out of the perspective that the current T in a way doesn´t allow you to progress or not progress in your own pace and therefore it´s better with another T. You still have all those feelings for her, I now mean within the therapeutic relationship, and I still cry and mourn over loosing my T.

But those feelings and an effective therapy is two different things I think, but still they have to go together, that is even if you have positive feelings the T also have to be competent enough to deal with your problems.

The thing I see, which I also saw in my own therapy is a kind of non proffessionality when it comes to that the T creates this bond with you, gives you several sessions and then terminates you. That of course triggers abandonment issues on a much larger scale than if she had realised she couldn´t work with you much sooner, before you got too attached to her.

As you feel you really want to continue with your current T I would bring the issue up once again to ensure myself about that it really depends upon her skills and nothing else. I say this because I was recommended another therapy form when terminated but I´m almost sure my termination had to do with the fact that my T took things personally and that she wanted clients that so to speak "followed her lead" all the time.

Originally Posted by CalmingOcean

Therapy wasn't working for me so she assured me there was a new plan and this is her new plan, for me to see someone else someone more long term she said she was never meant to be long term :'(
She says it's a good thing and I'm sure it is but I am soooooo upset. I wanted to stay with her... I don't even know why I always felt she was frustrated with me and we couldn't do trauma work because I just wasn't ready. She says I need to take a break from everything, to stop trying to figure everything out and just 'be'. Be in the stupid world. She says I need to swim a few laps for a while

I cried.. So much. For the first time in a long time and my first time ever with her.. I said I didn't want to start over with someone knew. She said it was triggering some abandonment issues and that she will be with me the firsterting eith the new T... But still. I wanted it to work with my t

God, I feel like a big baby.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

I had a partly similar experience as you when my T terminated me. You really don´t need to feel like a baby, many people who attend therapy have attachment and abandonment issues which you easily get reminded about in this kind of situation.

I really understand it´s very hard loosing a T because of such a reason as you describe but one thing you could perhaps be a bit grateful about is that she does send you to another T. I was terminated but also "put on the street", that is I now have to search for a new T all by myself.

I had a similar comment from my T, that I shouldn´t explore and analyse too much what went on in therapy. But that´s just who I am and perhaps who you are as well, you can´t "turn off your brain" to fit into therapy.

Even if it´s hard I would think about the situation out of the perspective that the current T in a way doesn´t allow you to progress or not progress in your own pace and therefore it´s better with another T. You still have all those feelings for her, I now mean within the therapeutic relationship, and I still cry and mourn over loosing my T.

But those feelings and an effective therapy is two different things I think, but still they have to go together, that is even if you have positive feelings the T also have to be competent enough to deal with your problems.

The thing I see, which I also saw in my own therapy is a kind of non proffessionality when it comes to that the T creates this bond with you, gives you several sessions and then terminates you. That of course triggers abandonment issues on a much larger scale than if she had realised she couldn´t work with you much sooner, before you got too attached to her.

As you feel you really want to continue with your current T I would bring the issue up once again to ensure myself about that it really depends upon her skills and nothing else. I say this because I was recommended another therapy form when terminated but I´m almost sure my termination had to do with the fact that my T took things personally and that she wanted clients that so to speak "followed her lead" all the time.

Oh my gosh Im so sorry you were put out to the streets left to find a new t on your own, that must of been hard. Everything you say is exactly right though. My T does EMDR and so I just wasn't getting there fast enough, wasn't ready. But I had her for 4 months, did a mini group with her to try and learn grounding techniques... God, I tink I love her... Not 'in love'... Just love. Funny, because sometimes I am so confused about love... Ugh. This is so hard. I did leave her a message on Sunday (may as well continue pushing those boundaries as she put it since I won't see her anymore) saying maybe I was self sabatoging (because in our last session she said we ended up feeding the bad side and increasing my defences) because I was scared to get into trauma work and then proceeded to say I was ready now and begged her to give me another chance and not transfer me :/ :/ Good God, maybe she is just sick of me... I would be sick of me.

Mine did the same thing but I only saw her 2 times .. I was upset as well they have no idea how hard it is to even go see a T and when you finely get back and doing it they say this ..

Then I realize if she was not a good T then she would have keep me and it would not be a right fit . So in a way I know your upset but she is helping you , and who knows maybe the T she recommended to is much better you will never know until you try , so don't give up . ok

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

Mine did the same thing but I only saw her 2 times .. I was upset as well they have no idea how hard it is to even go see a T and when you finely get back and doing it they say this ..

Then I realize if she was not a good T then she would have keep me and it would not be a right fit . So in a way I know your upset but she is helping you , and who knows maybe the T she recommended to is much better you will never know until you try , so don't give up . ok

Thanks Nature.. I just wish she didn't spring it up on my... Was going through a bad spell and she told me we will work on a new plan and then give me that bomb...

*sigh* I am trying to tell myself it's for the best bit I can't stop thinking if I just didn't sick around and just got into trauma work I would t be loosing her

I know it sucks but try to trust the process , You didn't jump into talking about your trauma because you were not ready maybe when you see the new T you will be able to talk about it sooner , so the T can start helping you .

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

I know it sucks but try to trust the process , You didn't jump into talking about your trauma because you were not ready maybe when you see the new T you will be able to talk about it sooner , so the T can start helping you .

Thank you Nature, I'm in a better place today.. More willing to accept that my t wasn't right for me at this time I guess. I will hold onto hope that new t will be what I need.

I like that saying ... hold on to hope , that is so true !
Keep us updated like to see how it goes with your new T .