I just had a frank email conversation with my T in which I shared how I was unsure of how she felt about me. The response I got back was that I was doing well in therapy. So I pushed more asking to know how she felt about me. I got a better response in that she said if she was frustrated with me that she would tell me

I feel 2 things, that I may be stepping on her toes. I've read allot about how you all ask your T this and they respond with how much they enjoy you or like you or care. But after several times of asking and probing .. I dunno. :/ She is a very nice kind person. Should I not be this needy? ugh.. I wish I didnt care. Even more, I wish the answer I wanted was the first thing she thought of.. that she reallly cares about me and enjoys having me in therapy. :/
ugh. i havent been able to concentrate all day. I've gotten nothing done. and it sux so bad!!!!!! I need a hug.

[sunrise]

(((((((esthersvirtue)))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( esthersvirtue )))))))))))))))

Thanks sunrise and fuzzy huggsssssssss. I just have so much achiness and i dunno. :/

[Talulah]

Hi esthersvirtue................kudos to you for your bravery! Don't be too hard on yourself for being needy. This email conversation is a great start to hopefully some further discussion about this. I'd like to encourage you to speak of this in person, perhaps in your next session. I think seeing your T and their emotional response or facial expression and tone of voice may help you feel better about the answers. You can keep 'probing' together at this and I think you'll be more happy with what is said.
They probably care more than you know. I actually asked mine.........I want to know if you care about me and how and why and do you 'like' me as a person, as a client and so on...... and what does that mean.....she was awesome, and I kept asking and asking along this line and she kept answering and answering until I felt my "need" filled for the moment.

(((((((((((((((((((hugs for you & your courage)))))))))))))))))))))

[pamelasu]

good luck with your t. I hope that you find the answers you were looking for soon! *hugs*

[WinterRose]

(((((esthersvirtue)))))
I'm kind of afraid to ask straight out so I guess. So you are very brave. And I think most of us feel needy towards our therapists.

[Soidhonia]

Hello Esther.
I hope things are betterfor you at this time. Some therapists do not feel that getting really personally involved with their clients is helpful to their recovery. It could be the case with your therapist. It is a therapists job to help you overcome the neediness not harm you by engaging in your issues. (Does thta make sense?) Perhaps your therapist is aware that getting too personally involved will delay your progress. I frankly feel you have a very good therapist to help you rather that gettin too involved so that you have an objective person that helps you move forward in the future. Please dont try to be to hard on yourself or your therapist, try to vconcentrate on the fact you are getting the therapy you need to help you progress in your life. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

EV, How long have you been with your T? I remember once saying to T that I wondered if there were ever times she wished she wasn't "there" with me? I expected her to reply "oh no I want to here" what she said was "If ever that happens it will be part of the work"

It was a hard lesson to learn that she is human and I'm not the only thing in her life and there maybe times she hasn't got the "want" to be there constantly.

I have since asked her how she feels about me? She did say I was a pleasure to work with, but I think thats more about how willing I am to work at it rather then just "who I am".

After the initial pain eases of sometimes percieve cold responses I see that I'm glad I can trust her real feelings and no that on days she isn't "Into" me its more about her being human rather than something I as a person.

Sometimes I can't stand to be in the same room as my kids, but do because I am their mum. But oh the whole picture, I am devoted to them and would risk my life to save them.

[lauren_helene]

Maybe the way to look at it is we are getting what we "need" but not what we might "want"?

I couldn't do their job. I just told mine that this week. I'd be tripping over boundaries left and right Personally, I'd rather do all this over drinks.