About to go into hospital... TRIGGER WARNING

TW - mentions of SI and SU

that's it then. i spoke to a duty worker from my psych clinic as my pdoc is away. i told her of SU intentions and SI, which was stupid but really i can't be bothered to lie anymore. i can't eat, sleep, talk properly, remember the date. i'm seeing hallucinations and hearing voices, and i'm SI-ing constantly. i can't even get dressed or walk up stairs or walk unaided.

my parents are with me, and my father spoke to the worker. he said i am going to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act (basically hospitalised against my will). i am thinking that i will go to a psychiatric ward, unit or hospital. i don't know yet. but i don't want to go to a psych ward and see other mentally ill people.

if possible i need to take my laptop so i can connect with everyone here on PC... this forum really is a great place of support.

i'm so sorry... i feel like i have let everyone down. my therapist. my family. myself. my friends. i hate being like this. i am literally trapped in my own body.

also i'm wearing my pjs, glasses and haven't showered in ages so my hair is greasy... i look a mess.

i don't even know what to do right now. i'm so sorry.

(((((888)))))

It might be a very good thing. I hope it will be. You need a place to be safe.

You have not let anybody down. You do not choose this. Keep in touch if you can from hospital, otherwise please check in when you get back? We care about you here, and want to know what's going on with you.

thank you so much. i'm such a wreck; i cried reading your message. i feel so desperately awful. i am going to keep in touch from hospital whether they like it or not. if i have to smuggle my laptop in.....

I suspected you weren't doing well. Why not just voluntarily go through admission? It sounds like you do need some help and supervision until you are stabilized and able to participate in your own self-care again. Wish you the best.

lolagrace, there isn't much voluntary admission in the UK - our MH beds are so few and far between, you're either sectioned or referred to counselling/social services. plus i am a minor (16).

the view of the psychiatry service in england is that if you are willing/want to go into hospital for MH, then you're not ill enough.

it's ridiculous...

That IS weird. Well, I do think in your current state, you are probably in need of some intervention. I always try to go in with the attitude that I am there to get help and I've never come out feeling worse than when I went in; there was always some degree of improvement. Be prepared that they most likely will not let you have your own technology, but they may have it available in some other way. My hospital did not at all, however. In a way, I think that is a good thing. People have a tendency to use their technology to avoid interacting and avoid engaging in the work they need to do. Sometimes we need to disengage from our technology and re-engage with ourselves. Good luck to you.

I found hospitalization to be a good thing for me. It gave the doctors a chance to change all my medications in a controlled setting. I hope it works out as well as it did for me.

I don't know about the UK but in the US they took all my electronic devices. I went through withdrawal which was awful. I was there 15 days without any of my devices. I had to use a regular phone to call out or get calls.

Good luck to you.

thank you Gayle. i would like a change of medication, as really zoloft is more of an anti-anxiety and i need a strong antidepressant.

god i will hate it if they take my devices. i need to access the internet.

I understand how scared you are. There is nothing fun about being hospitalized. If it makes you feel better my experience was not that bad. Most of the people in there were just very depressed. There were about three patients that were psychotic and were under constant watch. I made friends quickly and laughed a lot.

Just remember, if they are sending you to the hospital it means that they are concerned for your safety and want you better. Take advantage of whatever help is given to you in there.

Unfortunately, you will not have access to any electronic devices. Its for privacy reasons.

Please take care!

Rules about electronic devices are not the same everywhere, so we don't actually know whether 8888 will have her laptop or not. I have spent some time looking it up, and different hospitals in the UK have very different policies, and I suspect different units or wards within the same hospital might have different rules, too.

8888, try not to worry too much about whether you will get to have access to your electronics or not. (I know that's easy for me to say. I would not want to be separated from the outside world either, if it were me.) You'll find out what their policy is when you get there, and whatever their rules are, they are in place to help you.

Take care of yourself.

You didn't let anybody down. You sought help (even if unintentionally) and that takes a lot of strength.

Unless they are different in your country is different than the US you will not have access to most electronics. We have recently started to allowing very limited electronics. However, it cannot be a cell phone, ANYTHING with a camera and if a patient is on SP checks (suicide precautions) it can have any cords or head phones. The reason being to many patients and visitors were taking pictures of other patients and posting them on facebook and such. The phones are because again they would tell whomever was on the other side of the conversation about other patients.

thank you for looking that up Mastodon, you've been really helpful. i will try not to worry.

thank you. i guess i will try to smuggle my phone in - i really need access. i could put it in my bra...?

thanks so much brokenwarrior. your experience does help.

Some units will allow electronics. Other times you might be able to work something out with the treatment team, however most places do not allow it. They may have access via unit computers though.
Most places look for you to engage in treatment on the unit, and be social with other patients. I hope you will get some benefit from this. It can be a really good "bump" to get you out of a rut. I'm glad you are able to have that opportunity.

im sorry you feel so badly and I hope things improve soon. unfortunately you cannot bring your laptop with you. youll be lucky if youre allowed to wear your own underwear and clothes.

its possible sometimes to sneak in a cell phone with internet on it, but even that takes some planning and sometimes a willing smuggling participant from the outside. since this is your first time, chances are you will have to do without internet, but hopefully youll find the groups helpful. ::

Interesting. I guess it depends on where you live and what kind of unit you are in. I'm in the USA and I was in an intensive acute psych ward in an actual hospital. I was told no electronics for privacy reasons. All we where allowed access to was a tv. One patient wanted to know a score for a game and a staff member had to sneak it to her lol

wishing you all the best and are proud of you for taking steps to get the help you need (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))♥♥♥

hope u find the support and change u need

regarding electronics in psych units: here in the US it is very strict about phones/mp3 players/laptops. all of the hospitals ive been in do not allow them. but some units have computers patients can access. in the UK i have heard people have been able to keep laptops phones, etc. i guess u could just bring what u want and if they dont allow it then u can send it back w/ ur parents. if they do allow it then great! either way, everyone here will be here for u when u get back. i will be thinking of you. i hope this works out in the best way for u.

Thinking of you 8888. Hope you start to feel better soon. Don't worry about your hair, etc - you aren't well just now, and you need to be patient with yourself.

Your comment about the UK thinking you're well enough if you're asking to go in made me think of the novel Catch-22 by Heller.

Wikipedia sums it up nicely (I was trying to and falling all over myself with words): If one is crazy, one can be discharged from the army. But one has to apply for the discharge, and applying demonstrates that one is not crazy. As a result, one will not be discharged.

I hope you're able to get the help you need.

Our NHS system is woefully inadequate when it comes to mental health It also is a postcode lottery - so depending on where you live, what is available will be different. There are sometimes ways and means of accessing the right help, but you need energy, confidence and resources in the first place to be able to set the ball rolling. So of course it is the most vulnerable, the people with none of these things, who get shat on from a height and wind up with no help. I love the NHS but it does suck big time when it comes to mental health.

The majority of IP hospitals "tend" to not allow phones and laptops. Why? Well they want you engaged in working on yourself , not reading forums or keeping up on Facebook or texting etc.

Usually while IP you are kept very busy, you'll have lots of group therapy and activities to turn your mind to focus just on "you" and what you need to get back to a healther mindset, allow medications to begin to work. There are set bedtimes and you'll be getting up same times everyday.

Focus just on you and what services that you can use to find stability while there. the harder you work in IP they better you will feel coming out.

PC, Facebook and all your normal daily internet activities will still be here when you get discharged.

Just focus on you

The hospitals where my clients are do not have lots of activities and therapy. The biggest teaching hospital here in my jurisdiction is a place where they make people wait for drugs to zombie them out so they can be released. The clients have very few groups or activities and mostly spend the time sleeping or pacing and waiting for cigarette breaks. There are not set bedtimes. There are wall phones and computers for clients to use. It is very much a chemistry oriented facility - the mds openly scoff at groups or talk therapy. The social workers are for placement assistance only.
I am not saying that is how it is everywhere -and I have no idea what the facilities are like in the UK- just in my experience in representing clients in my state in the US - the orientation of the facility is not always that of keeping the client occupied in self growth. There is another hospital that is a bit more behavioral and has more groups available. They are not all the same.

Thank goodness the hospital I use keeps a pretty full schedule of classes, groups, activities going all the time. They aren't required, but they sure help, if nothing else, break the monotony. Actually many of them are quite good -- varies from presenter to presenter. Last time I was in they had even started having therapy dogs come in twice a week which was marvelous.

As far as the technology goes, besides the safety factor in my hospital which doesn't have the set up to separate suicidal/SI patients from those that aren't a danger to themselves, one of the main rationales for not having access to cell phones, etc. is that so much of the time, what patients need is a break from the people in their lives that are so dysfunctional for them. Patients don't need their abusive spouse or their boss or their drug dealer (it's a dual diagnosis unit so that is a distinct possibility) able to contact them easily (or visa versa) and cause more stress than they already are having. And of course there is a problem of cameras and privacy/confidentiality needing to be maintained which is a major concern. No one can contact a patient without their permission. Patients have to give a code to those they allow to call or visit them. No code; no contact.