The answer is: (Couch) 84. The question is...

I do not see it as my place to insist on my reality for anyone else. I might once point out how I see it - but after that - I would not continue to try to convince them to see reality my way. (I do deal with a lot of clients with dementia/severe mental illness so I perhaps I am approaching this from that aspect). I also do not see it as my place to insist someone "own" something in a way I approve of - I would probably disengage but I would not keep trying to insist they needed to see it my way. I do not often have a desire to rescue someone from themselves.

I do not disagree with how some things are viewed or even disagree that the object might do things differently and benefit from doing so. I simply know how it feels when I start threads and ask - very clearly for one thing or very clearly for one thing not to happen - and have people ignore my request and keep trying to analyze me or tell me I am doing therapy wrong. It is not useful in opening my eyes to what they insist is the way to do something, does not make me see it their way, does not suddenly make me grateful to have my perceived flaws pointed out one more time and so on.
I also think that sometimes people just have to be where they are until they want not to be enough - and no amount of my insisting they should do it faster or differently is going to help.

No - I am not giving anyone any advise at all when I write that. I was writing out a reminder for me and putting words to why I find certain types of discourse distressing. I mean it towards no one specifically. I find it here from time to time and I need to remember to disengage and I think it is useful for me to specify for me why I should do so. Like many other posts on the couch.

Yeah. Unfortunately, that's not an option for me.

I have often wondered why the use of a wet nurse fell into disfavor.

Ah that makes sense. I didn't catch the correlation to the day earlier.

Not a clue.

My baby girl is bottle fed, but there's still no one else to feed her the bottle.

There was a very funny The Onion piece about babies and their inability to take care of themselves.

Oh yeah? I could go for a laugh.

WARNING - links to The Onion which are not meant to be taken seriously but some might find offensive.

Upon reflection am not sure it would be as funny to those with children. But here it is:
Study Reveals: Babies Are Stupid

It is among my favorite along with this one:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/god...ittle-boy,475/

I think there is a difference between when a poster clearly asks for a specific thing, as you do, and someone just posts about a thing without specifying that he or she wants anything in particular.

I am not insisting on MY view of reality. Sometimes reality just IS, Stop. I do think that every person has an obligation to be responsible for his or her own choices. Making a choice that hurts you, over and over, is everyone's right. Making a choice that hurts you and then claiming you are a victim is a denial of reality. A person has the choice to do that, but I should be equally free to point out the reality of the situation, that the person's choices led to this and the person is doing it to him or herself, without being called out repeatedly as the bad guy who gives unwanted advice or who is harsh to the person claiming victimization.

I will admit that I am sensitive around this area, particularly where the person claiming victimization is busily stomping the boundaries of the person who they claim is letting them down, and has already been told by the person whose boundaries are being stomped that it is a problem. You defend the boundary stomper from me because you see it as a violation of boundaries to give advice. Meanwhile I think I am just pointing out that the poster has other options and is capable of doing things differently to avoid pain if he or she chooses to do so, and I want to defend the person whose boundaries the poster is stomping. I think I have only said someone HAS to do something differently when the person was allowing others to abuse her child and was abusing the child herself.

I like the part about the mound of dirt.

There was another about children being sociopaths that made the rounds a few years back.

New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths

Still cracks me up!

MKAC - You (and what seems like a lot of others) and I just completely disagree on this. It is okay with me that we do. I don't dislike you and I don't think you usually dislike me - I just strongly disagree with you in this area.

lol that's great.

Honestly, I had so much trouble breastfeeding my two kids (with my latter ending up with weight issues, as in, losing weight) - it just sent me into a worse place mentally... if I end up in a place where I can have another kid, I'm just going to plan on breastfeeding for the first three months (as it seems to work fine then) and then I'm going to just switch to formula. I'll probably see a lactation consultant, but my mental health has to come first. I wasn't in a good place as it was and it took me months to get over the guilt. I still feel it in fact and struggle to even look at pictures of my baby at that time because I think, "I should have known he wasn't getting enough? Why didn't I know??"

And all the reassurances in the world don't make me feel better *sigh*

I just never get why you are so completely okay with the boundary stomping folks and so reactive to me pointing out that they boundary stomping and the other person has already asked them to stop and maybe they should stop if they don't want bad things to continue to happen. Why is the person posting entitled to a defense from you and not the person who is actually the victim of the person posting?

A lot of kids start needing a supplement to breastfeeding at 3 months.

To be fair - I am not reactive to just you. It is the cumulation.
I don't think we will ever understand or agree with each other on this. (Not the least of which is because I will never see someone who is acting in the role of therapist or therapist light or therapist like as a victim.(I am not referring to any one thread or post here - there is a lot of defend the therapist or therapist like person that I find goes on this forum in general that completely mystifies me)

Mkac - i think its just because thats not how therapy works. There has to be unconditional positive regard.

For instance, if the person is walking on quicksand, is he using snowshoes to stay afloat? You can inquire about those. Eventually he may admit they are cumbersome and hurt his feet and want to relinquish them.

Its a process. You cant just cut into a cocoon and tell a butterfly what to do and to hurry it up.

I should be an effin poet

Maybe not, Stop. But so you know, I also think of as the person on an emotional level stabbing someone else with a pencil over and over. Then they come here and complain that the person they are stabbing is upset with them, going away, whatever. I think it is fair and reasonable to point out that the stabbing thing is probably related to the person going away thing and they should stop stabbing people. I think it is truly horrible and irresponsible and unfair to the person being stabbed to sympathize with the stabber and tell the stabber that the circumstances are just so hard and so unfair.

But again, this comes from the perspective of having been the person being stabbed and then being told by all and sundry that I am horrible for walking away from the stabber, and everyone going on and on about how hard the stabber has it. I do not understand how, given your stance on most things, that you defend the emotional stabber's right to stab. I am really trying to wrap my head around it and not just trying to be difficult. I would like to understand.

SHE IS NOT A THERAPIST!!! And the person is *****ing about sinking and how much it hurts and pretending as if it somehow is not a result of her own choices. Yes, we had **** mothers. That does not give me the right to encroach on others, demand stuff from them that I am not entitled to, or pretend as if I have no choice other than to have a **** life.

*hangs out under the couch with the dust bunnies*

oooooookay. I am letting my own personal rage get the best of me. I really do wish I could understand though what I perceive as inconsistencies in the stances taken.

I think I have a different perception of victim than you do MKAC - at least as it relates to a lot of what I read on forums such as these. I am not talking about any one specific situation or post or poster or anything - I am talking in general here.

AS for inconsistencies - I think no one is completely consistent. We all have, in my opinion, places where we are not. I have observed inconsistencies which I do not understand either. MKAC - you give a pass to some people and some issues that I do not understand either.

I think the position I take is that I can state what I think, it doesn't necessarily have to validate the person writing, and then I also accept that I can't make them see the issue. I can only state what I state and then leave it be.

It's maddening, yes, to watch someone complain about something they're causing. And yet, I know from experience that it's virtually impossible to take the blinders off, particularly if the person is lacking self-awareness.

I was talking about a group of people, but perhaps using the specific to describe the overall situation.

I am really interested in to whom you think I give a pass. Would you be willing to PM me about it? That is something I think would be good and healthy for me to think about.