Looking for new T makes me exceptionally emotional

I´m still looking for a new T after being terminated by my former T and I experience a kind of emotional depth I didn´t experienced before. I´ve noticed that this search for a new T makes me more vulnerable and I cry more easily, most often because I think of my former T. It´s also because it´s so hard to find a new one, to talk about my issues to several T:s and hoping I´ll find someone I can trust.

It´s almost like searching for someone you can show your heart to and what can be more extraditing than that. Sometimes I can feel this almost physically, the sadness, the hurt and the hardship in finding a new T. Sometimes I start crying when awaken, I´ve never done this before.

It´s to a small extent nice to be able to have those feelings and to know you can feel those kind of feelings for someone but mostly this brings me a lot of frustration and thoughts about how I´ll ever solve my problems.

Are your emotions related to the loss of your T and to childhood losses? My T is forever telling me that it is good to feel sad emotions. When she first said that it sounded strange, but I'm with her now on this one. Don't forget that therapy is not the only answer, plenty of people find other ways.

Yes, my emotions are directly connected to the loss of my T and probably also to childhood issues even if I can´t point out certain events at the moment. As your T says, I also think it´s a good thing to feel sad emotions but you then have to have the possibility to process them.

For me, I now just grieve on my own and besides feelings of loss there are sad feelings around the problems that brought me into therapy. It´s hard bearing all this. I think you can find other ways to feel better but when you come to a point when you´ve tried several things and that only feels like artificial solutions, you have to work on your issues in a proffessional setting.

Its TOTALLY like that you are looking for someone you can be vulnerable with, and trust NOT to terminate you and cause so much pain. You had an awful experience and need to heal.

I woke up crying the other day anticipating the upcoming session with my T. For me it was a new low point in my life.

Im sorry you are having this experience and hope things get better for you soon. Having the right T is super important.

Yes, the hard thing is to get to know how that T might be. You can partly know by asking them but then? I think there´s unfortunately always some risk involved, the risk that makes it so difficult choosing a new T.

How come did you wake up crying before your next session? Did you have bad sessions with this T before?

We've had only a couple bad sessions, a couple sweet sessions, but wildly inconsistent otherwise. I've tried returning to the core problems that I presented at first session but she says We need to analyze your childhood conflicts to get better.

All this makes me cry. She doesn't want me to get better. She wants me dependent on her. I can't prove that of course but I'm losing hope this therapy can be salvaged when I'm not being heard.

You had the opposite experience where you were terminated and that is unfair in another way. There is a problem whenever Ts present themselves as authority figures that declare our wellness or worthiness. We need therapeutic partners in our human growth, not demigods dictating our truths.