Trying to prevent DV triggering

I need advice about this issue because it seems to be hard for both me and my therapist to sort through and handle. You don't necessarily need to have had the experience yourself to have something useful to say. I will take in anything because this is a point where I feel stuck.

Years ago I experienced an Ambien induced attack by my partner, which lead to a whole chain of terrible things. We were separated and eventually were able to get back together. He had no memory of the event and nothing like that has occurred since.

However, it was serious and traumatic. I'm taking a course in domestic violence/family violence and figured that I should take up some time in therapy to work on my personal issues especially so things were not triggered during class because I do not want to self-disclose about my experience.

I set aside extra time to do this work, in therapy and outside, but right now I feel stuck. And I think my therapist is a bit stuck too. We worked through some things, reached a point of great relief, but the question is whether to start up again and if so how. Or just take a break and enjoy the release of the old.

Because its a class, and not a client, I would personally take the mental break and enjoy the relief until/if the material triggers you. For myself, I found I could handle the educational aspects of the dv stuff because it was removed from the emotion. I was able to keep my "professional" hat on during the trainings and classes. The part that tripped me up was the direct client work. There was more emotional investment in my actual clients. It was more than just the theoretical stuff. There was a face, a name, a body attached to what I was hearing. one client also very much reminded me of my mom And it became more difficult to separate out my experience from her's.

One thing I did find somewhat helpful was simply talking about a stressful event in detail with t's helped. It did the same thing as prolonged exposure therapy for trauma, only less intense and less structured. Because I switched therapists so much, I needed to rehash the event a number of times. While it's still stressful, I'm finding it's not as triggering as the parts of that story that were not recounted to each therapist... if you are still worried about being triggered, maybe you and t could simply talk about the event and emotions around it more. I know it sounds like a broken record, but it has merits for reframing the trauma and taking some of the impact away from it...

I agree with TWO - keep it on an intellectual level in class and you should be fine.

The other thing I'm thinking is maybe you're trying to control your processing of the issue too much? I notice you say you set aside time to deal with this issue in particular. Maybe you just need to let it come up in its own time? You've brought it up, give your mind time to process it in the background? I think the class should give you little trouble - you're already aware that this is going to be a possible trigger, so you're not going to be blindsided.

Oh my goodness - I am so sorry for what happened with your partner

All the more difficult because you know he was in a different and medication-induced mode of reality at the time it happened, and like you say, you are back together and have worked it all out.

I wonder if you guys have anything like the Freedom Programme in the states? There is an online version of it here in the UK too. It might be good to cover a similar course?

Thanks. I did take some time off and I appreciated the comments. Usually I can separate life, work, and school, but this course is taught by someone who is very experientially oriented so we do a lot of things instead just reading and talking. Plus she is really really sensitive as an observer so I feel like I can't really use my facade to shield me. Not that I have to self-disclose, but I don't want something to just come out because I'm feeling vulnerable or like it is safe. I really do not want to share this with people at school for a whole lot of reasons.

We just got our next assignment which is to fill out a "safety plan" paperwork just as a client would have to and then write a reflection paper on the process. We don't have to turn in our safety plan itself since she wants us to have our privacy.

I couldn't even read the whole document. I think since this event catalyzed a whole series of other disasters in which I lost a huge amount including all sense of safety, that I should return to this issue in therapy. I was thinking perhaps that I would do the safety plan with my therapist or at least talk about it.

That could be good to do with him. And experiencial classes are always harder. I did some trauma-awareness trainings and ended up anonymously using myself as my "client"... it was a mistake at the time because it triggered a lot, but I was able to take it to my t and work on it there. It helped to have that outlet. I totally understand not wanting to self-disclose in class, especially if it's still raw or triggering stuff.

Thanks. It's nice to hear that someone understands though I'm sorry too for you having such bad experiences.

I have in the past been willing and open about my past, but I learned that hard way that sometimes people you think would be most understanding in fact take it as a problem and mark you so that if anything else comes up they see it more problematically than it should be. This teacher has a high opinion of me and seems to be a very sensitive clinician, but even so I am not taking any risks that are not necessary. I'm not with clients that have this issue or I would do something different. In fact my clients while they may have trauma backgrounds it is not anything we are supposed to approach because it would destabilize them. Their psychotic symptoms and then the anxiety and depression of their responses to that and to their situations is the thing I work on with them. The only way they are affected is that some of my energy is now wrapped up more in myself. And for me this is the right time to deal with this material as much as possible. I have already felt release from doing a segment of the work. I am in a good enough place generally that I can sink a bit to do this and still end up floating.

We have to do a "safety plan" for a violent and/or abusive situation that is very detailed. While we do not have to turn it in, we have to write a paper about our experience, reflecting especially on how it would be for a client to go through this process.

I brought it into session and tried to go through it, but it just reminded me of how unsafe and alone I felt at the time. And also how I did try to do all kinds of things to protect myself which all failed. Police, doctors, women's crisis support all failed to help me. People at hotels did not protect me by screening my calls. My friends and family did not believe me and turned away. I lost everything, even my trust with my therapist. I had to move out and had a major surgery connected to an injured knee. I was selling things to survive, had to leave school for a while, learned some other skills to work as a journalist, but it was terrible.

At the end of session, I just had tears in my eyes and felt raw pain. I don't cry easily, though I am finding it more common. I had him make a soothing recording before to use, but I now know that I'm going to have to work on this more. And have no idea how I'm going to write the paper without downright lying.

I think a lot of people in academic programs like yours are triggered by at least one class or assignment. There are just so many people with personal experience that go into the field. You are lucky in that you have the support of a skilled T who can be there to help you work through it. You don't have to disclose however, right? It's probably good for you as a future clinician to bring all that raw emotion to the surface (with your T) so you can start to intellectualize your experience more- even become desensitized? There's nothing that says you have to share more than you feel comfortable with in your classes though. Believe me, some people do fabricate a little or a lot in assignments like this if writing about your own experience is too much to handle. So long as you process it in your own time so you can do the real work, you'll be fine. It must be terribly difficult but eventually your experience will enable you to be a huge asset to other people who need serious help.

Thanks. I can tell that you have a very empathic sensibility which I can almost feel. I do think that my trauma history and hard work on trauma will be an asset eventually. And I have tried to go over as much as possible before I work with clients that have any related issue.

With this particular issue, though, I think I would be wiser (and more responsible, ethical) to refer out. Even if I work on this issue and get to a reasonably okay place with it, my experience was one of prolonged helplessness in the aftermath for lots of other reasons. It was just messy and probably not typical so I don't think that would be helpful. Plus I think someone in this situation needs a therapist who has a speciality in it or at least a fair amount of experience handling it.

Refering out is definitely a good self-check to be able to do. Too many therapists can't figure that one out either for fear fo the client's reaction, or because it feels like a failing in some way...

If you are still uncomfortable about the paper, can you detach a bit from it and write it in the 3rd person, hypothetical sense? Maybe re-do a safety plan with a hypothetical situation, and write about what it must be like for a client to go through that? I know the reaction paper is to help build empathy around the situation, but you clearly already have that. You are also working on it in your own therapy. Unless the class is specifically for DV survivors to work with DV clients, there's nothing dictating the need to use your own personal experience.

Please let me know if I'm off on this, but from your posts I'm getting the impression that you feel you have to be authentic to your experience. While it will help you empathize, it also keeps you locked in your view of how it would feel. Part of the development of empathy as a therapist is being able to open to your client's unique situation. It's certainly ok to draw from your own life, but also important to be able to see how another's experience can differ. Can you use this reaction paper more as a way of blending your reactions with say, how your best friend might react to the same situation? It could help give you distance from it and keep from disclosing more than you feel comfortable...

Thanks, yes, I will end up writing from a broader perspective than my own, although I think that the teacher expects something more personal, perhaps areas of potential countertransference issues. And I do know that empathy is not just relating because of sameness, but the ability to be in the other's situation, not your own, so really about difference.

I think I can say some things that are true to my experience of trying to do this set of forms that reflect some authenticity but are also more general. Like I found the experience overwhelming with all the details of what you are supposed to have in place in advance. When in a place of fearfulness and dysregulation, it may be nearly impossible to pull it together enough to manage to establish such a plan, let alone have the wherewithal to pull it off in a threatening situation. Also it requires trust at many levels, trust in others whom you may not naturally trust. And also exposing yourself and your private life to others for the sake of safety which may be really difficult for a client to do if they have been hiding things and for good reason. My countertransference around that would be that I would feel that this would be a problematic thing to do because it would raise all sorts of other issues that could make the person feel more helpless rather than safer and empowered.

Holy carp. My initial reaction is - you cant refer out DV clients; you wont have any clients left! I was surprised when you started this thread; i didnt understand how you thought PC could help. Now it feels like you want someone to point out that you still feel unsafe in your home, but you got angry at me the last time i did so. I understand that it is an untenable position. Maybe a different t - a female t? - could help brainstorm some more practical solutions, if only on a consultant basis.

i hope your trauma work does help and i agree you need a therapist specialising in trauma counselling.

Hankster, I respect you quite a lot. I am genuinely puzzled by your response though. I don't understand how this thread is different from any other thread asking for advice and relating a difficult experience for support if nothing else. Why does it become different if it is about DV? How is that different from threads about CSA? or SI? or other issues? I truly don't get it.

I just couldnt understand the first post - it seemed more school related. Very dry. It wasnt the content at all.

I admit I don't understand most of your issue. I grew up with years of DV and I feel this last statement of yours starts to get at an important insight--that a therapist with a similar issue has to be careful not to assume they understand what a client is truly going through. When they do that, they stop listening. Your fears are going to be similar, but still different, and they can interfere with a client's therapy.

I don't know that it's like to dance around a school assignment that appears to rely on honesty, and is also triggering for you, but how does that fare in terms of keeping your issues out of the therapy room? I hope you can work this out with either your therapist or another that can understand what's going on.

I guess to be honest I feel misunderstood in various ways which feels bad because this is a really difficult issue. First saying my first post was "dry" feels like a really odd thing to say. I talk about working with my therapist on something very traumatic and mention school secondarily as the background reason why I was taking this up now. Trying to work this through in therapy so that land mines don't explode in public seems both responsible and legitimate. It also seems far from "dry."

I do not have to self-disclose at school, but I was concerned with it coming out anyway, say in a moment of vulnerability. As far as my issues and the therapy room, I already addressed that a few times along the way. First I don't currently work with clients who have this issue or trauma in general and said so already. I wouldn't work with clients who had issues similar to mine when I was currently working on them for myself. I also already said that for this issue in particular I would refer out, meaning I would not even take the client in the first place. And gave two solid reasons, one having to do with my own issues and the other with feeling that this issue needs someone who has experience or even specialized training. It is not unusual for therapists to select a set of issues that they primarily feel effective with and some that they think others would be better for. Another example would be substance use. It is not because I have issues since I don't have a history with that. It is simply that I don't think that is an area I want to concentrate on as the primary problem and there are plenty of people out there who do so a referable to others is more appropriate. Substance use of course will come up anyway and I won't suddenly refer someone. I just don't want to take cases where that is the main reason for therapy because I believe there are other people who focus on that much more than I do and have more experience so would be more beneficial.

Archipelago, i hope you know i also have the highest regard for you.

Would some of these questions best be asked of other persons studying to be ts? That may be why i didnt understand to begin with. Honestly, its not you, its me. There are many times i purposely do NOT peek behind the curtain with my current t, especially because i feel i spent too much time and energy doing that with previous ts. So this is all MY discomfort, please - not anything you have said or done.

Thanks for the explanation. I guess I'm with hankster in wondering how to avoid DV clients since its not an uncommon issue for people seeking therapy. But it sounds like you have a plan in place for that.

have you tried posting this in the mh professionals section? While thee boards are relatively slow, there are a number fo people that reliably answer there. you may get a different set of responses...

It's definitely possible to avoid DV clients (and sunbstance abuse) by picking a speciality that does not focus on those groups. It may come up, but as much less of a focus than workign at either an sa treatment center or dv crisis center...

I'm sorta with Hankster on this one Archipelago... Is there something in your own situation that you're trying to not see?
There is somewhat of a desperate feel to your later posts and the first *was* quite dry and intellectual-feeling, despite the subject matter. Even the way you chose to deal with it seems controlled to me - as I mentioned earlier.
I'm sorry if I'm out of line. I am a DV survivor. I may well be projecting my own experience.

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