'85: "We Are The (Couch) World..."

I'm feeling much better about my job. It's not perfect, but when is anything ever perfect. And my boss really just wants to help. I worry too much about people's motivations. I'm always so afraid that people are going to hurt me, but my boundaries are so much better now than they were even 4 months ago. That sort of stuff is never going to happen to me again.

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Apparently can't tell the difference between the 'edit' button and the 'quote' button...

Hankstah - it was at the counter, and people were behind me, so yea, in public.
BUT - I've forgiven her already. Everyone screws up. It hurt, but there's no reason for me to put a black splotch on her record. I think she knows she messed up when I mentioned the cigs. I may say something to her directly on a day that we are both in a better mood, but that's about it.

Shakey you are a wonder!! I'm proud to bursting about your new life, the determination you have to work and have your own place is inspiring, and the constant cheer you have around you no matter your circumstances in the shower-nazi community. You are awesome!!

Healed, I wish I could hug you! I have the same thoughts/beliefs, and no matter how many times T (or anyone else) tells me they aren't true, the thinking is black & white, and that I need to let other people own their mistakes---I will never believe it for a minute. I'm guilty of feeling like a horrible mother, was in fact wailing a couple weekends ago that I should send both girls to live with their respective fathers (since they couldn't possibly be as horrible as me) and just do everyone a favor and disappear.

So after I got through wallowing in that, I pushed it all away and concentrated on convincing myself that I may have made errors, even irreversible errors, my children are all I have and I am the only mother they have, and nobody could have possibly loved them as much as I do. The world is full of people who make mistakes, and we are intimately acquainted with a lot of them in my world.

So stop beating yourself up lady! You are a good person and you are worthy, you got it???

So my toddler is off at a play date with her grandma and the neighbour's grandson. I've got 2 hours of just me and baby... I've started cleaning my house a bit... Laundry...trying to catch up a bit and save myself the trouble on the weekend.

Aw, thanks Stressed I have warm fuzzies now

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Thanks for the encouragement! I know the worst I can do is isolate myself, so I am going to try my hardest not to. I think I am going to hold out on getting in touch with T for now.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

I just spent nearly two hours playing with Lego.

That awkward moment when you go to see a doctor and they're like, "So, depressed?" and you're like, "Yup." And then they're like "So.... suicidal?" And you're like "Yup." And then they keep pressing and you keep saying "Yup."

And then you have to be like, "It's all good. I have a T and a PDoc." And then they're like, "Well *phew*" <-- how I interpret their response.

Hugs to those who want and/or need them.

I am more nervous about my T session tomorrow than I've been for a long time. Wah.

Myself also. Ah well!

What's driving the T anxiety y'all?

I have been very nervous before t appointments also!

I have if my depression/anxiety have been running high. But not always, so I was wondering if there was something in particular.

I'm leaving Friday for my mental health trip to warmer weather. I feel horribly depressed :P My T was like, "I want you to try to enjoy the trip as best you can. Be in the moment."

I'm probably going to end up calling him partway through the trip.

After last session I sent T an email outlining a few things. The contents of that email will be discussed.

I'm actually always slightly nervous, but that is typical for me any time I go most places. This is just a heightened level of nervousness.

Every time I am nervous like this, I get through the session, the world doesn't end, and all is well again. I remind myself of this, but I still get that nervous feeling every time.

I get nervous about medical appointments because my earlier post. I usually lie, lie, lie my way through but this doc makes decisions with some of my other meds and so I kinda have to be open with her. Even so, I'm so out of f---s to give that I was like, "I'm just going to say what's in my head."

My heart was still racing tho.

I've actually been very honest with my doctor. She knows my situation (some details. Not all) and asks me about it every time she sees me.

I'm not suicidal though... So it's probably different.

I want to spend 2 hours playikng with lego, but i dont have any.
I think the bungee cord broke and ive faceplanted into depression

Do it!

My baby girl was napping and my toddler was at a play date. I finished my cleaning and spent the rest of the time building.

I feel like my T is my "get out of getting sent to the hospital for free!" card. Even so, one does not know what a doc might do, so I tend to be selective in my information because it is bad enough that the untrained person dealing with me will think I need to be hospitalized. They just don't realize it's not going to do any good.

That makes sense. I understand. I would probably be concerned in your shoes also.

Lego's are awesome. When I was little, we called them tiles. My brother had a lot of them, and he used them to make cars and streets....there weren't wheels and all that cool stuff back then. I used to love to play with them. Ahhhh...a pleasant childhood memory for once, thanks!

I have loved Lego since I was a kid. It is still a hobby of mine. I have a Lego neighbourhood that I made from a bunch of sets. It is boxed up right now because of my kids. I won't bring it back out until my youngest is old enough.

I have a Christmas village as well. That one is only out in December, but it's so high up that it's safe.

The set I built today was a cat. lol.

I have decided my next set will be the Sopwith Camel Fighter Plane. I just have to wait for the Lego store to have it in stock. I have a gift card to that mall so I will only buy it from there.

I have a Firetruck set to build as well. I've had it for about 7 years now and it's still in the box. It's big so it will take a bit longer and I never seem to have a big enough area to do it where I can leave the pieces out for days.

He's certainly much more pleasant to deal with. I consistently come away happy. But he doesn't dig very deep.