[PaulaS]

I´m searching for a new T and I´m not on meds or within psychiatric care. I´m searching for a psychotherapist within the psychodynamic field. I wouldn´t dare do anything near commiting suicide, that is taking pills and so on but I still think my life has no value at all.

I would want to be honest with a T about my thoughts and to be able to say things like I don´t think my life is precious, it´s pointless and small improvements wouldn´t do any difference. I don´t cry when I think about life this way, it´s nothing extraordinary about it. There´s no chance of building the life I want and I will always be disappointed even if I changed some parts in my life to the better. My life is already over in that aspect.

If I tell a T about this I see there´s a big risk that most T:s would just tell me that they doesn´t work with clients like me. Or is it safe telling a T stuff like this? Anyone who has talked about this? (Not within psychiatric care)

Even if I think my life won´t get anywhere near what I want it to be I want a T so everyday life can be a bit more bearable.

I don't think a therapist would find that coming from a client surprising at all. I suspect a good portion of their clientele has expressed similar sentiments at some point or other.

[healed84]

Seems like the kind of thing you should be able to share with a T. Any good t would probably just ask for reassurance that you aren't thinking about suicide and then want to explore those issues a bit more.

[PaulaS]

How could they ever get reassurance? In my country there is noting like a "non suicide contract", I think a lot of T:s rather take on clients with problems that are easier to solve and to talk about.

Originally Posted by healed84

Seems like the kind of thing you should be able to share with a T. Any good t would probably just ask for reassurance that you aren't thinking about suicide and then want to explore those issues a bit more.

[catonyx]

I have similar a outlook currently. My T knows this as it was discussed day one... along with suicide (which is not an issue for me).

[healed84]

That's why you interview more than one, and you trust your gut when it comes to who you think will handle your issues better. I know it is scary, but at some point you have to let go of the fear of a t throwing you in the hospital and trust that there are good ones out there that know when somebody really is in danger and when this is just all talk.

They are good at distinguishing thoughts from plans. Sounds like you are finding one more reason to run from therapy rather than take the plunge and give a therapist a real shot. I understand you've been burned, but it seems every post is one more "what if" question that seems to be you looking for a reason not to get started with someone. Really, what you are talking about is pretty normal fodder for a therapist.

[stopdog]

I have not found them to be all that great at distinguishing thoughts from plans = at least not for my clients. I would not rush to tell a therapist something that could be iffy. I would wait and see how things panned out before trusting them with a lot of things and go very slowly.

[healed84]

SD..I suppose that it is always going to be true that there are Ts out there who will overreact. However, even here.. I bet we could find the percentage of Ts who didn't overact to those who did much bigger. Though, you are right.. it takes time to build trust and learn what and when you can share things with Ts.

[PaulaS]

I wouldn´t feel safe sharing those thoughts out of what being said here, I would probably tell about them though, then just wait for the T to ask me to leave and then feel even worse than before. That´s part of my life and I wouldn´t be surprised.

[stopdog]

The problem is that for the client, the therapist who over-reacts can cause great harm and there is little way of knowing ahead of time which therapist is going to be an overreactive paternalistic imprisoning asshole and who is not. Although perhaps in OPs country, the citizens have not allowed the backwards paternalistic laws that we in the US have.

Nothing it what Paula has said in any way indicates she is suicidal. She's feeling hopeless, but that's not even really in the suicidal thinking range from what she describes. She, as far as I am aware, doesn't have a psychiatric history that would show she's at risk (i.e. previous suicide attempts, previous hospitalizations, self injury behaviors, bipolar disorder or another psychiatric diagnosis that can decompensate quickly). It would be a very poor therapist indeed that would jump from "I feel hopeless about life" to "well, she immediately must be involuntarily committed to the hospital". Most therapists have heard and seen hopelessness and will simply listen and help her work through that.

[stopdog]

I disagree about most therapists heard or seen something.
I personally do not bet more than I am willing to lose particularly with a therapist. I have not seen it a good idea to over trust them, particularly right off the bat.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I tell my T and Pdoc about my thoughts. They actually want to know details too. I feel bad when I describe to them my gruesome thoughts. They don't over react at all.

[Ididitmyway]

Yes, I talked about this in my therapy.

And, yes, this is something you not only can but SHOULD talk about with the therapist because therapy is exactly for that - for discussing anything and everything you want to discuss, anything that feels important to you, and ESPECIALLY anything that bothers you and makes you suffer.

If you can't talk with the therapist about any of the above, then what's the point of therapy then? To have a polite exchange about weather? Or to catch up on current events? If you don't use therapy time to discuss all you need to discuss then your time and money will be wasted.

How would the therapist react and deal with it? Hopefully, professionally and humanely (and there is no contradiction between those two). And, hopefully, whatever she does would be helpful to you. You will never be able to know in advance how the T would react and what she would do with what you tell her. But not telling her doesn't make any sense because it contradicts the premise of therapy.

Originally Posted by PaulaS

I´m searching for a new T and I´m not on meds or within psychiatric care. I´m searching for a psychotherapist within the psychodynamic field. I wouldn´t dare do anything near commiting suicide, that is taking pills and so on but I still think my life has no value at all.

I would want to be honest with a T about my thoughts and to be able to say things like I don´t think my life is precious, it´s pointless and small improvements wouldn´t do any difference. I don´t cry when I think about life this way, it´s nothing extraordinary about it. There´s no chance of building the life I want and I will always be disappointed even if I changed some parts in my life to the better. My life is already over in that aspect.

If I tell a T about this I see there´s a big risk that most T:s would just tell me that they doesn´t work with clients like me. Or is it safe telling a T stuff like this? Anyone who has talked about this? (Not within psychiatric care)

Even if I think my life won´t get anywhere near what I want it to be I want a T so everyday life can be a bit more bearable.

I think that a good and competent T should be capable of listening and understanding when you are not an actual physical danger to yourself or anybody else. Yes, I have said very similar things to my T. He has never suggested any kind of hospitalisation or other drastic measure. He did suggest medication, but never pushed it (in fact, the first thing he did when I started seeing him as a pdoc was to take me off the medication I was on - much later he suggested another kind of med, but again, that was just a suggestion.)

Yes, all Ts are different and not everybody will react in the same way. But there is also no requirement that you open up about everything at once, before you know whether the person you are talking to seems trustworthy.

I very much relate to what you say about life being basically unchanging, by the way. There are things I would like to get out of life which I am not going to get. That's just life. My T is having a hard time agreeing with me about that, but that doesn't make him a bad T, it is just something we disagree on, and it doesn't invalidate the good things therapy do for me.

[PaulaS]

I gave my former T a proper chance and even if I did, that didn´t work out. I still think you´re right in what you say, that issues around seeing life in a negative way is normal fodder for a T. At the same time I´ve heard of T:s, often a bit older, above 60 or so, that they don´t want the "too troubled client".

Originally Posted by lolagrace

They are good at distinguishing thoughts from plans. Sounds like you are finding one more reason to run from therapy rather than take the plunge and give a therapist a real shot. I understand you've been burned, but it seems every post is one more "what if" question that seems to be you looking for a reason not to get started with someone. Really, what you are talking about is pretty normal fodder for a therapist.

[PaulaS]

Thanks for this. I totally agree with you that such issues should be talked about but at the same time I´m afraid to be left out again. I don´t know how a T will apprehend my thoughts, if she´s like my former T, she´ll just take the easy way out and stop seing me. I only have two or three potential T:s left to see, I´ve contacted hundreds of them.

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Yes, I talked about this in my therapy.

And, yes, this is something you not only can but SHOULD talk about with the therapist because therapy is exactly for that - for discussing anything and everything you want to discuss, anything that feels important to you, and ESPECIALLY anything that bothers you and makes you suffer.

If you can't talk with the therapist about any of the above, then what's the point of therapy then? To have a polite exchange about weather? Or to catch up on current events? If you don't use therapy time to discuss all you need to discuss then your time and money will be wasted.

How would the therapist react and deal with it? Hopefully, professionally and humanely (and there is no contradiction between those two). And, hopefully, whatever she does would be helpful to you. You will never be able to know in advance how the T would react and what she would do with what you tell her. But not telling her doesn't make any sense because it contradicts the premise of therapy.

[PaulaS]

I think it could be a bit different when you se a Pdoc, they work within the psychiatric field and are more used to people having more severe diagnoses. I have no problem sharing my issues, it´s more the T:s reaction I´m afraid of. I think it´s good a T has a optimistic view on their clients, that they will succeed in life and so on but I understand there can be situations when you can´t agree with the T.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I think that a good and competent T should be capable of listening and understanding when you are not an actual physical danger to yourself or anybody else. Yes, I have said very similar things to my T. He has never suggested any kind of hospitalisation or other drastic measure. He did suggest medication, but never pushed it (in fact, the first thing he did when I started seeing him as a pdoc was to take me off the medication I was on - much later he suggested another kind of med, but again, that was just a suggestion.)

Yes, all Ts are different and not everybody will react in the same way. But there is also no requirement that you open up about everything at once, before you know whether the person you are talking to seems trustworthy.

I very much relate to what you say about life being basically unchanging, by the way. There are things I would like to get out of life which I am not going to get. That's just life. My T is having a hard time agreeing with me about that, but that doesn't make him a bad T, it is just something we disagree on, and it doesn't invalidate the good things therapy do for me.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Perhaps I'm being naive, but I'm struggling to think of things in life that are 100% impossible to achieve altogether. Unless of course, we include things like a paralyzed person wanting to climb Everest, etc. But apart from extremes...what can they be? What are these things that you have resigned yourself to not having, ever?

Originally Posted by PaulaS

At the same time I´ve heard of T:s, often a bit older, above 60 or so, that they don´t want the "too troubled client".

I found this not to be the case at all. Mine is the most stable, centered of any therapist I've seen. She also goes much deeper into my issues and has greater understanding than younger ones. I don't think she would still be practicing if she only wanted easy clients. It would be hard to see the purpose in that.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

Thanks for this. I totally agree with you that such issues should be talked about but at the same time I´m afraid to be left out again. I don´t know how a T will apprehend my thoughts, if she´s like my former T, she´ll just take the easy way out and stop seing me. I only have two or three potential T:s left to see, I´ve contacted hundreds of them.

You never know what anyone will do with what you share and how they will deal with it. Yet, it makes no sense to attend sessions without being able to talk about all you need to talk about. If you want to give your therapy a chance to work, there is no other way except taking the risk of being misunderstood or rejected. So, in the way, it's a no risk situation because you have no other choice if you want to proceed with therapy. If you want to safe proof your life all the way through to the end, then you can't engage with anyone or anything. It's really an "either or" issue. There is no middle ground when it comes to such major life dilemmas. And you are always making a choice, even if it seems to you that you aren't. By hesitating to make a choice, you are making a choice not to engage with life.

[Victoria'smom]

T: Why are you here?
PaulaS: "I wouldn't committing suicide, but I still think my life has no value at all... and I want to attempt therapy instead of medication."

[Bipolarchic14]

If you can't be open about your dark view on life with a new therapist, you chose the wrong one!....but seriously therapist are trained to be nonjudgmental.