The Couch Get's 86'd (it's now under the end zone at Giant's stadium)

Morning couchies. Today is better just trying to piece together yesterday's disaster.

*sits in corner of couch in a ball and listens*

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Mast.. Just imagine if your H is feeling the same way... What if he wants things to be different too. What if his version of different and your version of different are the same but neither of you will bring it up...

It is a possibility...

Depends on the day. I never liked being alone as a child, EVER.

Some days I think we have the best arrangement but most of the time I hate it. It's like I'm a single lady who can't date. Lol. It's hard all the way around. Hard to adjust when he does come home because he's in my space & hard to adjust when he leaves because I'm alone again. Oh, well. It's what we do.

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I thought it was better at the beginning. This was a weird season. Its feeling forced now. Americanized. Like they dont know how to americanize holmes aside from showing really vicious crimes. Which is not the point at all.

Unfortunately, it is hard to know what is just that bug going around and what it truly a problem, particularly when you are immuno-suppressed. I know when my sister had her bone marrow transplant, we had to monitor her temperature several times a day, blood pressure, blood sugar levels, etc. We had to call each and every single time something was at all outside certain parameters. Most of the time they just wanted the information for further monitoring, watching for possible infection that could be deadly for her if not caught early. When we'd call they would ask about other symptoms that might indicate a larger problem. It is kind of a pain and can be frustrating and nerve wracking, but it has to be done.

Agreed.

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I know that. But if I ask and he says that he is happy, and if I look really closely at how he seems and I never see any signs of him being unhappy (he has been sad at times of course, when there have been deaths in the family and so on).... I have to believe that. Most of all I have to believe what he tells me.

And I'm sorry, but you are saying "what if he wants things to be different too" - I tried to say that I don't want things to be different, because different could only be worse. I have no version of different that includes things being better.

We are also told the perfect couple thing. Except we both know we have issues and are committed to work on them together for the most part. Outsiders just have no idea.

In our case, my husband is the one that has made the comment that I'd be better off without him sometimes. Maybe that's true? Who knows. I'm not interested in finding out at the present time. I'd rather work out our issues, which so far seems to have some improvement.

My H says that all the time and what you said here is how I feel about it. Thanks.

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I spend a lot of time trying to convince my h and my T for that matter that my H (and everybody else) would be better off without me. H won't buy into it though... however, he comes from a family where divorce was never option and his parents stay together not because they enjoy being around each other (because they really don't) only because divorce is a yucky sin. I think he is in this for the long haul despite whether he is happy or not, and that makes me sad. Especially considering, I am not sure what I think.. and I might not even want to be married to a MAN anyways.

We just have awful communication skills. Like oil and water. Mostly on my part. I'm so socially impaired.

Plus he is so selfish... Very selfish. He knows this. He has been better since the last disastrous fight more so than after any previous fight. I'm not counting my chickens yet, but improvement is better than none.

Mine is too. Hrmph.

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Well, in my case... There is hope. He has started putting my needs or the kids needs before his own more often. And that really has made a big difference. One small act goes a long way.

Try talking to him about it?

I'm sorry I didn't understand that when I first read your prior post.

Heart shaped pancakes- check, dishes cleaned- checked, Kitchen cleaned- check. Next, start doing laundry and a good scrum down of the bathroom. Then on to the living room and put the MOUTAIN of clean clothes away hanging out in our bedroom. Romantic V-day, huh?

I need to learn interpretive dance...

I'm sorry, RTS, I didn't mean to sound dismissive. I appreciate your insight, always.

I guess I simply don't want advice about my marriage at this particular point. I'm hurting very much and that means I get defensive and prickly and unpleasant.

I have - it's always me and my problems - never him. T and I are figuring out ways to help him but it's gonna be a fun battle to have and work through. I'm glad you two are moving forward Little acts do make a wonderful positive difference!

lol yeah... It's me and my problems too. I'm just glad he realizes he is selfish.

Does he want to be helped? I personally would not receptive to the idea that my partner and her therapist would be trying to help me in a way that I did not choose to be helped or in an area where I did not believe I needed help

I should have worded my prior post better. I need to, through my actions, teach others (not just H) how I need/deserve to be treated. T is hopeful that knowing what I have told her about H that this will help him treat me better. So it's not direct help for/about him behind his back going on. For the lack of a better phrase, "it's all about me".

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Yes but you also dont have what my first h used to call a magic candle. I just got that! 40 years later i finally figure out wtf he was talking about

I am certainly not one who should be giving marriage advice. So I apologize.

LOL! Me either. My advice is always just to talk about it though... So I think that's safe.

I would choose to be unhappy with a split from my partner rather than live in a situation where the person only stayed with me because they were afraid I would be unhappy if they left me.
But that is just how I would be.