Started Grad School...didn't tell my T

I started grad school last month, but did not tell my T, and I'm not sure why, exactly. We discussed my getting back into school--I asked her if she thought I should go back- and she said it isn't really a yes or no question, that I have to think about what I need to do first in order to make that happen, that I need to be mentally well etc etc.

It's probably just in my head, but I feel like she doesn't think I would make a good therapist bc she keeps pressing me for alternatives to what kind of job I would like to do besides being a therapist, what other degree interests me?

Even though she knows all I've ever wanted to do is be a therapist.

Her opinion matters to me so I feel a little discouraged, but at the same time I'm already in the program, and trying not to let these doubts about my ability to suceed get in my head, bc then I'll make my fear of failure come true.

It's a hard question to ask a T because most of the time they really don't know if a client would make a good T (or other professional). They only see certain sides of us and most often it's not a reflection of how we are as students and professionals. That's why you wouldn't ask a T for a letter of recommendation for a graduate program: in most cases they're not in a position to make judgements beyond the state of our mental health general functioning. It sounds so cliched but their job is to guide us in making our own decisions and not to look to people for approval.

It sounds like you went ahead and applied and did all of that paperwork and got recommendations and got accepted and started the program even though you felt that you did not have her approval. It took strength to do that.

You said that she is pressing you about what other degrees would interest you. Where does T think you stand right now with regard to grad school?

She thinks I'm thinking about going back, but haven't bc I don't know what degree I want to get, and bc I'm not sure its wise to get a counseling degree if I am not mentally stable-at least more than I am. But I am discovering that a lot of therapists are messed up. They just have the liberty not to talk about it to their clients unless they choose to do so.

I'm in a masters in counseling psych program, but feel I should be in a social work program. Just bc the job options are practically limitless for that degree. I am confused.

Are you planning to tell T?

Hankster posted something worth remembering:

Yes....but not until I successfully complete my first semester.

Maybe two semesters. Maybe I'll tell her next year in January.

Just in case if I fAil. Then she won't have to know.

Congrats on starting grad school for something you've always wanted to do! Just to put this out there…but if you found it hard to tell your T you applied, got accepted, and started grad school…what will it feel like to tell her you did all that and two semesters went by and you never brought it up? You're omitting a big part of your life.

If you like this T maybe you should tell her you're studying to be a therapist…and more particularly why you have been so worried about telling her. I don't think it's healthy that you feel your therapist is trying to hold you back from pursuing a career you're interested in…ideally, you'd talk about it, realize you misread her signals and learn from it. Or if it really is true she's trying to prevent you from becoming a therapist maybe it's not a good relationship.

I am the queen of putting off difficult topics and the hardest thing usually isn't bringing up the difficult topic…it's bringing it up years later.

Good for you for following your dream IRL. Don't worry about your T. You can tell her when you're ready.

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I don't know either of u but u seem to be trying to read ur therapist's mind. Don't assume what s/he thinks about it. What do u have to lose from that person's opinion? Your idea of waiting to say anything due to fear of not passing sounds like a defeatist position to me. I say step up, study, put in the work, talk about challenges, learn and grow. There's nothing to it but to do it imo. Yes it is hard work and be a LOT of schooling and expense but start out "as if" then make it happen. That is what I have always done. Good luck to u and I hope u get what u want out of your schooling no matter how far u go.

Social work is a lot of policy and planning, that's why the opportunities are there (because it's not as limiting). If you like the p&p as well as the social advocacy piece, it may be a good fit. I hated the p&p. I would have much preferred a counseling psych program, though you are correct, it's quite limiting...

thiswayout, you are not encouraging me to switch to social work, lol. I'd much rather learn about psychological theories over planning and policy, lol. but i do believe that a masters in counseling is basically useless unless used as a stepping stone to a Psy.D program...then again if a Psy.D is the goal, why not go directly into a Psy.D program?

Maybe I am "reading her mind" but shes said a number of things that make me feel like she is judging me. So I dont want to share this information with her just yet. And its not like being in school is uber important information that needs to be discussed in therapy, as I am not having problems in school...I am having problems with everything else.

The first semester is over in about 11 weeks. If I pass, I will think about telling her at that point. No reason to tell her I enrolled if I end up dropping out or failing.

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Lol. Sorry. You are correct though about the ma in psych. Most organizations don't look for lpc's, however there are positions for lpc's out there. You just have to look harder. If you can tolerate p&p for the first year, then sw might be a good track. I'm not sure how your school does it, but mine did p&p classes in the first year (with the fun stats course and research methods) and second year was theory and clinical practice classes... of course, they also had us in practicum both years... it would have been good to have some theory and practice classes all semesters... but I digress. If you think an msw would work better for you, look into that asap before you spend too much time in the counseling psych track...

And only tell t if you want to. Not really something you have to discuss with her.

ugh i did stats and research methods for my BA.

you had those classes again at Masters level? I hated both those classes, but most especially hated stats. with a passion.

Yeah. I think I still have both books in storage. I hated stats, but research methods wasn't bad. They actually could have combined the courses since a lot of it overlapped, but they wanted to focus one on quantative research and the other on qualitative. I actually took both in the same semester. It was painful...

How far did you get into your masters degree?

EVERYONE hates stats who has to do them at school. Or at least it seems that way out of everyone I know who has the misfortune to encounter them!

That's because they are evil. I was heavily tutored to pass my stats class. Research methods wasn't so bad.

That makes sense sort of. No need to talk about it if it has nothing to do with what you are addressing in therapy. I guess I interpreted your issue being more than it is I guess. Now I'm wondering why you stated it in you OP if it is not an issue worth bring up with her?

My T wasn't thrilled with my going back to college. We talked at length about the price of education versus my earnings potential over the rest of my working life (I'm 41) and she told me I could find a job I love without a degree, or I could learn a trade! It probably has to do with all the stressors I already have, and the new problems that might arise from full time job/full time student/single mom/already losing my mind so why add more stress.

Basically I took her words under advisement but made the decision for myself. If I fail or its too tough, well, I'm already in therapy!

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Well that sounds very defeatist of your T!

I guess I'm afraid my t will feel similarly so I'm keeping it to myself.

I agree that a T should not be taking a position on whether or not a patient should be in school.

What concerns me is not so much that you are keeping information from her, but rather that it sounds like you might be misleading her about what you are actually doing. So for instance if you and a friend frequently discuss whether or not she should get back together with her boyfriend, consider how you would feel when you come to find out a year later that she was with him all along but thought you would disapprove so she misled you into thinking she was not with him when in fact she was.

An alternative would be for you just to tell T that you don't want to discuss school and jobs with her for the indefinite future, just as in my example your friend could say that she does not want to discuss the boyfriend situation. This option might make sense anyways, since:

(((((InRealLife45)))))

Oh my.... this is what I have to look forward to this year......research, qualitative & quantitative.....so I have pain on the horizon then? lol

IRL.....I say tell your T what, and when, you want!