complex PTSD

I was going to a clinic for treatment of complex post-traumatic stress disorder. The T would never show me my treatment plan however I was required to sign off on it blindly.

I have no friends and have never been romantically involved with anyone. I'm 57 and gay. Being gay was always a bad fit and though I've tried it, it just isn't for me. I find there to be a lot of social pressure to do destructive things. I've never been a lot of fun; I never learned how to play well with others due to my unorthodox upbringing which has ruined me. I spend all my time alone. I never smile and am socially shunned.

So, I go for treatment of c-PTSD and instead the T focuses on my love life of which there isn't one and never has been. I complain that I don't want to work on this because there is going to be no progress because I've totally given up on it. I don't like being gay and that's not going to change. I don't like gay sex and have physical problems that make it impossible. The T did not seem to know how to treat c-PTSD and instead focused solely on my sex life. My depression got worse; my c-PTSD did not get better. Finally, I stopped therapy. I'm 57, if I've never had a sexual/love relationship by now then it's not going to happen. I just want relief from the c-PTSD. Anyone know of an effective treatment? Thoughts / comments on the T? I have seen so many different T's that I've come to the conclusion that therapy does not work. It's a fraud.

It is not for a therapist to decide what ought to be important for a client. If you say you don't want to discuss a particular aspect of your life, then that is your choice and your decision. The T has no business invalidating that choice.

I have told Ts in the past that I did not want to talk about areas they thought seemed important. They have always respected that, though I ended therapy with two previous therapists anyway. I don't see how meaningful therapy is possible if the therapist does not respect the client. They might not agree with the client's choices, but it is part of their job to be respectful of those choices and not force their own agenda on the client.

Just because the T's you have had in the past weren't good, it doesn't mean that good one's aren't out there that are capable of focusing on your C-PTSD but not ALL T's are trained in dealing with PTSD in the first place....I would look for one who specifically focuses on that....don't just assume that all T's are created equal because they AREN'T.

It took me well over 13 years to finally end up with an outstanding psychologist....then she retired...& I have been blessed because the one who replaced her is as wonderful & in someways even better. They are out there you just have to look & sometimes they aren't in the places we would expect. In California I would have NEVER thought to go to a community Mental Health group.....here they have outstanding care...at least the one that I am going to.

You have to be selective...just because you go to a T doesn't mean they are a good fit for what your needs are.....it's called interview the T before you settle on making them your permanent T.

Some people, including therapists, think the answer to all life's problems is finding a mate. Sounds like you ended up with a loser. Find another, one who respects your boundaries.

Yeah, it's hard to find the right therapist, but that's the only solution to something like this. Mine doesn't pressure me in this regard at all. We work on what I want to work on.

Sounds like this t was saying, the cure to cptsd is attachment, which i agree with, but then he says - but find someone else to attach to. I think that just retraumatizes us in the same way our mothers did. It was/is their job, but they shirk it, for whatever reasons.

Its hard first to exactly articulate the problem, because htf are we supposed to know whats wrong with us? Then it is difficult to find a t who speaks our love or attachment language, and who can takes things non-literally (for me, anyway), and who knows what to do to help heal us. We otoh must be patient and be willing to take risks.

Have you a pet or can have one? I am serious about this - sometimes people attach better to animals than people

Thanks for the suggestion but I have many allergies. (Asthma runs in the family.)

Maybe you can try a therapist who is willing to work on the distressing c-PTSD issues/symptoms instead of analyzing you and asking you to find a romantic partner to solve your problems. Some clients need a practical approach instead.

Maybe you don't need a partner but you do need some connection in the world. I think that overcoming cPTSD likely does require some attachment or at very least some kind of investment in building a life. It sounds like your T might be lacking in skill and certainly it sounds like a poor fit. But I wonder if T is suggesting that you venture out and seek connection with others and you're hearing "have sex."

If a major source of your self-hatred and isolation is that you don't like being gay, it makes sense for your T to try to address that with you. This is not necessarily about having a sex life but about being able to connect with others--which can be very challenging if you're drowning in self-loathing.

I don't think that self-hatred is the problem when it comes to being gay - it's more a question of values. When I seek friends I end up with people just wanting to sleep around. That wasn't meeting my needs. Due to chronic injuries, I was forced to give up my tennis hobby and have been unable to find something to replace it. Socially, my skills are not good. I don't smile a lot and don't make great conversation. The problem is compounded by epilepsy which seems to strike when I am most nervous.

In our last talks, the T kept asking if I had bonded with him during the course of my treatment. My response was always that I saw this only as a doctor / patient relationship and did not bond on an emotional level with him at all. In general, due to my cold parents, I don't bond with anyone anymore. In the past, those gay friends who I did seek friendship with all turned me down. I ended up with very dysfunctional friends and those friendships did not last. The usual way to make friends in the gay community is to sleep with people first to create a bond but I don't like sleeping with strangers.