[PaulaS]

I was terminated by my T against my will. Before the termination you can say she and I shared a project together as she helped me to seek funding to continue in therapy with her. I wrote applications to seek funding and she wrote me a certificate describing the therapy and so on.

I got some money quite soon after I made the applications but I´m still waiting for answers from most of the foundations. I have received some money after the termination as well, I´ll use the money to pay my new T, but the letters about being granted money just makes me break down and cry.

Of course I´m happy for being granted money but the grants were to be used to pay for therapy with my former T. The letters remind me of her and when looking at them on my desk and I just miss her even more.

This situation also brings me thoughts about if I could have prevented termination. I don´t think so but I feel I didn´t do everything I could have done either. I don´t regret the complaints I brought to her about therapy and I told her I wanted to stay in therapy with her but we never discussed it in person.

As she was nice helping me with the certificate I´ll never understand how she could terminate me as she in the certificate wrote that we were conducting real therapy and that I had become close to her. Just a few weeks later, everything was over.

Even if I see there´s a chance now to get into a new therapy, I´m still as sad or even more sad than before.

[CantExplain]

Grief can be very painful.

[SilentDemon]

It sounds like you are still deep in the grieving process. I'm sorry she treated you so horribly. I can see why it would be almost impossible to learn to trust another therapist. Your grief and inability to make sense of what happened is very understandable because in truth, what happened makes no sense at all. It cannot be grasped logically and emotionally. No wonder you are in a bind in your search for a new therapist. Wishing you the best, PaulaS.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

I was terminated by my T against my will. Before the termination you can say she and I shared a project together as she helped me to seek funding to continue in therapy with her. I wrote applications to seek funding and she wrote me a certificate describing the therapy and so on.

I got some money quite soon after I made the applications but I´m still waiting for answers from most of the foundations. I have received some money after the termination as well, I´ll use the money to pay my new T, but the letters about being granted money just makes me break down and cry.

Of course I´m happy for being granted money but the grants were to be used to pay for therapy with my former T. The letters remind me of her and when looking at them on my desk and I just miss her even more.

This situation also brings me thoughts about if I could have prevented termination. I don´t think so but I feel I didn´t do everything I could have done either. I don´t regret the complaints I brought to her about therapy and I told her I wanted to stay in therapy with her but we never discussed it in person.

As she was nice helping me with the certificate I´ll never understand how she could terminate me as she in the certificate wrote that we were conducting real therapy and that I had become close to her. Just a few weeks later, everything was over.

Even if I see there´s a chance now to get into a new therapy, I´m still as sad or even more sad than before.

Is seeing your old therapist again not remotely possible?

[PaulaS]

Yes, I think I am even if I sometimes have felt that I had put the termination behind me at least to some extent. I slowly try to process the termination but most of the feelings are still there, the grief and the feeling of being let down.

As my former T told me it wasn´t about her not liking me, I ask myself the question, but "why then?" If she did like me, I´m sure she did, why couldn´t she act in a non judgmental way and show me it was ok to be disappointed and bring complaints to her? I don´t get that at all.

It now feels I´ll have to spend a lot of time just talking about the termination with a new T.

Originally Posted by SilentDemon

It sounds like you are still deep in the grieving process. I'm sorry she treated you so horribly. I can see why it would be almost impossible to learn to trust another therapist. Your grief and inability to make sense of what happened is very understandable because in truth, what happened makes no sense at all. It cannot be grasped logically and emotionally. No wonder you are in a bind in your search for a new therapist. Wishing you the best, PaulaS.

[Myrto]

Reading this, I understand better your distrust of any new potential therapist.
No wonder if that's how your ex T treated you. Did your termination happen out of the blue for you? From what I'm reading, that's how it sounds like.
I can't offer much more than my sympathy
I know it's hard to believe it, but it will get better.

[PaulaS]

Thanks. Yes, the termination was very unexpected. I realised my T would react upon my opinions but not by terminating me. I expected her to act in a proffessional way, that she would call me or invite me to another session to discuss everything. And that without being judgmental, defensive and showing her dislike which to me is a direct path to termination.

I still just feel kicked out of therapy, the T of course understands the emotional hardship that comes with such a termination and she let it happen anyway. She just created a reason to terminate me out of something I hadn´t even mentioned in my complaint. And now? Is she even bothered by it? How can someone who says they like you act this way, I´ll never understand her.

Originally Posted by Myrto

Reading this, I understand better your distrust of any new potential therapist.
No wonder if that's how your ex T treated you. Did your termination happen out of the blue for you? From what I'm reading, that's how it sounds like.
I can't offer much more than my sympathy
I know it's hard to believe it, but it will get better.