Couch 90 - nine tee - not nine teen.

My boss has stopped caring. It's like the fight has gone out of him. W thinks he might be ready to retire. If he does, I'll quit, too.

Apparently i still have boundary issues, i thought i was over it, according to to t i am not

But he did ask about my relationship with t who violated boundaries. From coffee at his place to things that still make feel sick.

*sits in the corner*

I think we have finally moved to one wake up at night. I hope this continues. It's been four nights in a row now. Here's hoping they both sleep in and I can catch up on sleep.

I'm not sure what to do tomorrow. I'd like to do something other than lay around the house most of the day. Laying around the house leaves me with too much time to think. I dislike it.

why do I always have this feeling of dread on the days I have therapy? it's so annoying.

I am wondering if my son is having issues being out of the military. he has his own place and has only spent 2 nights there . he has been home . it is truly ok if he wants to be home but I am starting to get worried. I asked him yesterday if he liked his apartment and he said yes . I asked him if it was strange and lonely . he said yes. I told him that things will get better when he starts school, when he gets to meet some people. I jokingly said that he may as well stay home until school starts . he seriously said to me he will need to go to his apt and get some cloths as he already went and bought some cloths because he had only brought enough for days . he went and bought cloths instead of going home . im worried there might be something more going on in his head

((((Granite))))) I'm sorry your son is having a hard time right now.

I was starting to get geared up for the day when the little woke up with yet another fever. Seriously how long is this kid going to be sick???!!! Another trip to the doctor; can I get a volume discount?

Have some coffee on?

Hugs for 8x8, granite, & stressed..

I don't think I'm deriving much benefit from therapy lately, and it's breaking my heart. It just feels like T stopped giving a damn. The last thing I want to do is give up on this, because it's definitely changed my life for the better, and I might not have made it through the past few years alive without my T's support. I'd go into more detail, but I just don't have time right now. This is just hanging over me and everything I do lately. It sucks. I want to do more, learn more, express myself more, grow more, open up more, and these are all things I've been tackling through therapy. But this dull, aching feeling that T doesn't care anymore makes me feel like retreating and giving up or moving on to a new T, despite the fact that I have come so unbelievably far thanks to working with this T. It sucks so hard.

This. This is what I need right now. Gonna treat myself to something tasty from the coffee shop this morning.

Also (speaking of grammar), I had to edit my post to read "moving on to a new T" instead of "moving onto a new T". Lol, "moving onto" sounded like I'd eventually be standing on top of a new T, which is a hilarious visual but a poor use of the therapeutic relationship.

:roflmao: I'm cross-eyed still, didn't see it. And my pithy phrase above should have said 'have some coffee everyone?' instead of 'on' but I'll claim brain-fart for that one.

Have to call the boss. *dread*

Woke up this morning (finally) after hitting snooze 4 times. Someone needs to invent an alarm clock that says "You have hit snooze 3 times, enough already, get your butt out of bed!"

I was laying there in that twilight, not-quite-awake state thinking about t and I realized something. That there is one last thing that I need her to teach me. And that is how to say goodbye to "us" - I've never had a relationship like this therapy one - and don't think I ever will again. It was/is unique unto itself and so special. We started to talk about how it has changed - both admitting that it feels different - but neither of us elaborated. It is dawning on me that this isn't easy for her, either!! We have 3 weeks now until we talk again. I think I'm going to write this out in a snail-mail letter when I mail her check this time. And tell her that - that there's one last thing I need her to teach me - how to say goodbye to this relationship that has meant the world to me and that I have grown so much from.

I am literally stunned that I just typed that with dry eyes.

Off to work with me now, hope everybody has a good day/night, for those with t extra-good thoughts, I'm happy it's Friday and the last day of the project I'm on at work, so things will go back to normal next week.

(And thanks all for listening to me work out my feelings about terminating with t!)

I need some coffee too. i'm going to starbucks at 3.

I am off of coffee until the cold passes. It does not taste right to me when my head is stopped up.

Coffee or go back to bed? Decisions decisions...

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Art, just so you know, you're not allowed to leave here when you terminate with your T.

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My decision is move baby back to her crib so I can get up with toddler, or leave her on my bed, but that stresses me out. I guess I should move her. She was fussing so I decided to snuggle her. Now she's so sleeping so peacefully.

Coffee in bed.

Genius!

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So I am currently sitting in a shopping centre waiting for it to be time to go to a party - it's with my choir. For some inexplicable reason I am feeling really anxious about it. Racing heart, electricty all down the veins in my arms, shortness of breath, the whole package. I think my costume is probably going to be wrong or silly or different or misunderstanding the theme, and I worry that things will go badly and I'll fail somehow. (I have avoided all choir parties for the last five years or so. So it's a pretty significant thing that I am actually going. I just wish I weren't so stupidly worried.)

(((Mastodon)))
Go have fun.

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Mast! Hugs and I'm sorry you're feeling anxious!

)))stopdog(((

No coffee trumps everything!!!

I am on an overnight fast waiting in my drs office for blood draw so i MAY be overidentifying...

I am going to see T in a little while and I am thinking about asking him if we can go back to two sessions a week, for a short period of time. My reasoning... T has cancelled a lot this school year mainly because of sickness either him or his family. Totally understandable. However, I feel that we get the best done work, when I feel consistency. With a lot of last min. cancellations, things seem so disjointed and I am feeling really anxious before appointments. I think that if we had two sessions a week for a short period of time, I can feel more of the consistency and more likely to have that once a week appointment, say if he has to cancel for other things. Does that make sense? Do you think this is a rational thing to ask for two appointments a week? The last time I did two appointments a week I was more in a crisis mode, and was really more to check in with T than anything. Although I am super depressed these days... I am not crisis state.. So, I just don't know. I am trying to build enough confidence to ask him today.