Couch 90 - nine tee - not nine teen.

Mar 16, 2015, 12:18 PM

You could also say it's due to a disability. I don't think they are allowed to ask you what the disability is.

Ellahmae · Mar 16, 2015, 12:41 PM

So I stumbled across "Bad Therapist" by The Oscar Panel on YouTube. Each episode is about 4 minutes long. So far I find myself laughing because it's so wrong it's funny (to me) and I also find myself cringing at the same time because I'm sure there are actual therapists like that out there and it makes me sad.

JustShakey · Mar 16, 2015, 01:15 PM

*flops down on the couch, exhaling loudly*

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SallyBrown · Mar 16, 2015, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healed84

Ok- I need some advice. I mentioned once that during our staff development meeting this coming Friday at work, part of the day will spend learning self-defense from a professional. He is a parent in our school, and has been teaching it to the children during their gym classes. The idea of my coworkers touching me, even in a fake menacing way.. sets off all kids of bells and whistles. I do have PTSD dx, and T and I talked about it last appointment. He said that I could come up with some version of the truth (I don't like to be touched because of a MI) to tell my bosses to get out of it. Or, I could use it as an exposure type thing and see if I can get through it. Though, I really don't feel like enduring a flashback or panic attacks in front of friends.

I should really say something to my boss, right? I think that maybe they might want some kind of note from a T.. Then it makes me feel so stupid- like a kid trying to get out of gym class. Ugh, I don't know what to do. What would you do?

Just wanted to mention that people who teach these kinds of classes are used to dealing with this sort of thing. I used to take karate classes, and our instructors were up front about being willing to accommodate issues stemming from past experiences. They gave the example of a woman whose husband used to choke her, so they would be sensitive to her needs when it came time to cover choke holds in the class (she was no longer at the school, just used as an example).

So, I'd mention it to my boss if I were you, but if I found my boss to be unhelpful, I'd consider talking to the parent/instructor himself. I'd be willing to bet he has dealt with this more than once before if he really is a professional self-defense instructor. Just my two cents.

Ellahmae · Mar 16, 2015, 01:34 PM

Depression has attacked today. I'm so tired of fighting, it's exhausting me. I know I should quit fighting and just be for a moment but I can't stop and it's driving me into the ground.

NowhereUSA · Mar 16, 2015, 01:47 PM

Okay. Abandonment issues. I have them, but I think they're weird. Like, if I think I'm going to be abandoned, I withdraw. I simply shut down with them.

Do healthy people just never worry about being abandoned or what?

Mar 16, 2015, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

Okay. Abandonment issues. I have them, but I think they're weird. Like, if I think I'm going to be abandoned, I withdraw. I simply shut down with them.

Do healthy people just never worry about being abandoned or what?

I'm not sure I would call myself "healthy," but abandonment is not one of my issues. (I have plenty of others

.)

Having come from a stable home environment, I never have feared abandonment. When I have lost someone for some reason, I am able to deal with it and move on without too many lingering problems. I accept that people will come and go in my life and I know I can deal with those changes without long-term issues. That doesn't mean I don't feel sad when someone leaves; it just means my feelings stay in proportion and I am able to rebound fairly naturally.

JustShakey · Mar 16, 2015, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

Okay. Abandonment issues. I have them, but I think they're weird. Like, if I think I'm going to be abandoned, I withdraw. I simply shut down with them.

Do healthy people just never worry about being abandoned or what?

I think they don't for the most part. Not because it doesn't happen, but because they don't have the same need of constant, stable relationship as those of us with abandonment issues have. O hai! Unmet needs... yay...

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Mar 16, 2015, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustShakey

I think they don't for the most part. Not because it doesn't happen, but because they don't have the same need of constant, stable relationship as those of us with abandonment issues have. O hai! Unmet needs... yay...

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I'm not sure it is about not "needing" constant, stable relationships. I need those just like anyone does. The difference seems to be an acceptance than even the most stable relationships can and do come and go, and will have problems from time to time. And yes, it is hard to see them go or hard when the stability is a bit unstable, but our ability to cope with changes and occasional instability is perhaps more effective. Change in relationships doesn't completely rock our world; at least not to extremes.

Mar 16, 2015, 02:20 PM

(((Ellahmae)))

NowhereUSA · Mar 16, 2015, 02:35 PM

Yeah. My actual family unit was stable... but we moved so often that I got used to leaving people and not being important to others because, really how important is someone you just met? And then they leave after you finally get to know them? :-/

ragsnfeathers · Mar 16, 2015, 02:37 PM

I don't worry about being abandoned because I worry so much instead about someone else being with me voluntarily, even for a short time. I also get antsy about social obligations and expectations. I'd much rather be freeeee!!!

JustShakey · Mar 16, 2015, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I'm not sure it is about not "needing" constant, stable relationships. I need those just like anyone does. The difference seems to be an acceptance than even the most stable relationships can and do come and go, and will have problems from time to time. And yes, it is hard to see them go or hard when the stability is a bit unstable, but our ability to cope with changes and occasional instability is perhaps more effective. Change in relationships doesn't completely rock our world; at least not to extremes.

Hmm, I meant to imply that the need was different... Maybe not though...
I know for me reaching out to people feels like a walk through a war zone.
As far as I can see most fledgling relationships don't make it. This is hard for me to accept. It takes so much effort for me to try to form a relationship that the fact that it most likely will not work is just... Well, it makes me want to give up before I even begin.

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Ellahmae · Mar 16, 2015, 02:43 PM

I don't get close enough to get abandoned. I've never been abandoned but I've always kept my distance from people. I don't get attached enough to be upset if they were to leave. Even with my own family I know if they left I would be sad, but I would move on.

I don't get how I feel and it's hard to explain but I thought I would try.

ragsnfeathers · Mar 16, 2015, 02:47 PM

I feel like I've been run over by a truck today and like I just keep doing things wrong. Probably the best thing I can do is grab my "To Do" list and try to outrun or outdistract the feeling. Lying on the floor not moving will just make it worse at the end of the day. Maybe crocheting birds instead of avoiding them will help?

Ellahmae · Mar 16, 2015, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ragsnfeathers

I feel like I've been run over by a truck today and like I just keep doing things wrong. Probably the best thing I can do is grab my "To Do" list and try to outrun or outdistract the feeling. Lying on the floor not moving will just make it worse at the end of the day. Maybe crocheting birds instead of avoiding them will help?

Do you want floor laying company? I have an hour before I get to go home for the day and once I arrive that's precisely what I'm going to do.

I do suggest distraction should come first though

ragsnfeathers · Mar 16, 2015, 02:53 PM

Company. What a novel idea. A little scary but okay. We can lie next to the cat couch.

BTW, in my current mood I didn't expect a response, much less a positive one. This too will pass but, THANKS.

ragsnfeathers · Mar 16, 2015, 02:54 PM

Okay I'm logging off to go get myself distracted. Might lurk occasionally.

Ellahmae · Mar 16, 2015, 02:55 PM

I'm trying to stay positive in my current mood, my way of distraction I suppose. Trying not to give in to negative coping.

Mar 16, 2015, 03:28 PM

I don't understand the nuances of abandonment fears; but I do think that for some people, it has to do with an early experience of abandonment that had dire consequences or left someone vulnerable to other threats (real or perceived). Any other abandonment after that would trigger that same feeling of panic. My main caregiver left when I was 7, without even telling me. His departure left me exposed to others. I'm not at all clingy, so I deal with someone leaving by either not caring or leaving first.

CantExplain · Mar 16, 2015, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

I'm a "third culture kid" (TCK) and we have this problem...

What does being TCK mean to you?

CantExplain · Mar 16, 2015, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I think it is generally an extremely bad idea to make large changes in one's therapy based on what somebody writes here. All people are different, and nobody can know better than you what works for you.

I agree. Change therapists if you want, but the reason should come from inside.

CantExplain · Mar 16, 2015, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mastodon

For me, being 40+ is better than being 30+, and much better than being 20+.

My mind is 20+ in a 50+ body. Hmmm. Might be better the other way around.

CantExplain · Mar 16, 2015, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by catonyx

This is true. I was hoping for staying stagnant. lol

Age backwards, why not?

CantExplain · Mar 16, 2015, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by licketysplit

This past weekend, I was hellbent on buying a new car. A friend asked me why I needed one when I have such a good one already. I wasn't sure that need factored in to new car buying, but it did come down to the fact that I'm depressed, my car needed cleaning and I didn't want to vacuum it. And the radio antenna was funky. She took me out for coffee and a cookie until the spell broke. Damn. I was about to buy an orange car and I don't even like that color. I hate it when other people are right.

You have a good friend.

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