[NowhereUSA]

Let me start off by saying that I've seen my T for six years. He's done a fantastic job and I've really appreciated his time and patience with me. He's incredibly accepting, he's helped me push forward during some difficult times, and I think I'm better off having seen him.

Recently, however, I was placed in patient. I don't disagree logically with his decision - emotionally, well that's different and it's really not relevant. I have an issue where I'm very controlled with my emotions. If I don't think my emotions are "right", I'll stuff it down with a "it's not important". He's been trying to get me to open up on things.

Well, I've been doing that with my emotions regarding IP. There's a situation, again a long story, and I realized yesterday that I was angry with him for how he handled it. The result of the situation has caused me some emotional distress. As I said, I tamp down my emotions so I didn't realize I was angry...

I think I ought to say something. I wrote a letter because I didn't even want to send an email. I don't want to call. In fact, I want to cancel because he's been really phenomenal doing some extra effort to get me into a research clinic and I mean going all out.

I feel like I should just get over it.

And yet it really, really hurt. And he's always telling me that I shouldn't dismiss my emotions with a "it's not important".

How has it gone for those of you with great Ts? Have you found it helpful to talk it out? I just think - well what is he going to do it about now?? And I don't even know that I care about an apology or anything. I just *feel* this emotion and I don't like feeling it and I guess I'm trying to figure out if the right thing to do is to talk to him.

I think it might be because of how he's encouraged me in the past... but still I don't want to. I have a lot of respect for him

I absolutely tell my T when I'm not agreeing with something he's saying or doing. He's always quite open to my input and once we talk it out, we both feel much better about things across the board.

I've always found it helpful to talk these things out, but I'm very open about what I'm feeling. If my therapist has done or said something that upset me, I say it. It's happened a few times, and she's known right away that it was a problem even without my saying anything. We work it out right then and there, and it's done.

If your therapist is encouraging you not to dismiss your emotions, he'll see it as a good thing that you're upset with him. You can work it out.

[ThisWayOut]

I have a lot of trouble expressing myself. I definitely minimize any emotional reaction I may have to T. My stock phrase it "it's stupid"... The few times I have managed to tell a T that something they did upset me, it went ok. It's only ever been a very few times, and only with whom I felt comfortable. Mostly it was my own discomfort with expressing myself that made it difficult. My T's have all been good about discussing it.

Your T has proven himself safe over the years, so it's fair to say he'd likely take this well.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T is really great, and the few times I've worked up the courage to talk to her about something concerning our relationship, she's handled it really well. She always tells me that she's so glad I brought it up and that it's a huge thing for me to be willing to talk about it. There isn't always something that needs to be resolved but just talking about it is always helpful in some way.

[NowhereUSA]

Thanks. I struggle so hard with trying to express an emotion when I've judged it "wrong" - even now when I imagine myself talking it out with him (aka coping ahead), I immediately hear my inner voice say, "It's not important. Just deal with it."

He really did hurt me even if I know it was unintentional. I guess I feel lame for even feeling hurt... and then I try to remember that I was especially vulnerable which is why I ended up inpatient as it was. *sigh*

My T has said things to me that have hurt me. I used to just hold it until the last twice. On both those occasions I instantly felt better afterwards & was able to 'let them go'. That's a new experience for me & I am beginning to become more assertive because of it.
Good luck. Xxx

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

Thanks. I struggle so hard with trying to express an emotion when I've judged it "wrong" - even now when I imagine myself talking it out with him (aka coping ahead), I immediately hear my inner voice say, "It's not important. Just deal with it."

He really did hurt me even if I know it was unintentional. I guess I feel lame for even feeling hurt... and then I try to remember that I was especially vulnerable which is why I ended up inpatient as it was. *sigh*

Going IP is emotionally and mentally draining. It isn't something I've ever been "glad" to do, and there were times I was furious about having to go even though in the end, I know it was the absolute right decision. I don't think you T would be at all surprised about your feeling surrounding those events, and I would guess it would be healing to get it out and discuss it.

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Going IP is emotionally and mentally draining. It isn't something I've ever been "glad" to do, and there were times I was furious about having to go even though in the end, I know it was the absolute right decision. I don't think you T would be at all surprised about your feeling surrounding those events, and I would guess it would be healing to get it out and discuss it.

Yeah. I do feel anger about going IP even if I understand why (I really would have gone through with my plan). There's just some stuff that happened while I was IP where I felt like he dropped the ball and I ended up undergoing some stuff and I felt very alone.

I know he'll feel bad about it which is why I don't even want to bring it up. How lame. I yell at my husband in an argument but oh no, don't want to hurt T's feelings *sigh*

[pbutton]

I hope you find a way to bring it up. My T has been very good about listening to my hurt and anger. It can be jarring to actually have someone listen without interrupting to try to defend his behavior. That difference alone makes it an interesting experience.

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

Yeah. I do feel anger about going IP even if I understand why (I really would have gone through with my plan). There's just some stuff that happened while I was IP where I felt like he dropped the ball and I ended up undergoing some stuff and I felt very alone.

I know he'll feel bad about it which is why I don't even want to bring it up. How lame. I yell at my husband in an argument but oh no, don't want to hurt T's feelings *sigh*

I suspect he can handle it. It would be good discussion as a way to process that time. In my case, if something like that would happen, I'd definitely want to talk it through because IP wasn't a one-time occurrence for me. Being able to talk frankly about the whole IP experience has improved my level of trust and safety. My T has never had anything much to do with my IP admissions other than working with me to help me make the decision to go; no contact while IP. But my pdoc has everything to do with my IP admissions and he and I have definitely had a few of those talks. He honestly appreciates and respects my honesty and input.

[NowhereUSA]

I took a walk today and wrote a letter after thinking through what I wanted to say. I thought maybe I might read it. It would be *very* different from the way I do things. I'm normally very forthright and just speak my mind. This situation is so different... Is it weird? To write a letter and just read it?

[JaneTennison1]

I don't think it's weird at all and it's a technique I often use.

I agree with what lolagrace says.

[NowhereUSA]

Thank you for the support. Gotta get through tomorrow and then I see my T.

It takes time, but i think it would be good for you to talk to him about it. Surprisingly, ive found that most therapists like it when their clients tell them they are frustrated with them.

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

It takes time, but i think it would be good for you to talk to him about it. Surprisingly, ive found that most therapists like it when their clients tell them they are frustrated with them.

Yeah. He'll probably give me props for it which will make me want to side eye him.