Processing your therapy session...

I take it back. I think I've stopped processing. I have a huge ball of anxiety in the center of my chest and it's been fluttering all day. I am jumping out of my skin...I cannot make anymore sense of my Monday session or take it any further. Dissociating in session is too disconcerting and the core issue that is rearing its ugly head is painful. I am grouchy, short tempered with my kids and want to sleep. Wahhhhh

Welcome to the club....

Anything we can help you with?

((((sister))))

Can you go sleep for a while? Sounds like you want to and that it might help you.

The last week I have been intensely processing and grappling with my issues. I have spent many hours THINKING and feeling, too. I have written a lot in my journal. There are things I thought at the beginning of the week that I was very strong about that I later discarded. Then midway through the week, I thought another way. By the end of the week, I had reversed my feelings and intentions on things I had been steadfast on for months and months. Wow, what a week. It was almost embarrassing to go to therapy last night and tell T about my reversals. He calls it growth.

Sunrise I am pleased for you and I understand.... it is all a thinking and rethinking and again rethinking process. Congrats on your growth this week.

Sister, I think that sometimes when I feel like you do I know that I am smack dab in the middle of working something through. Keep tugging. I also like the idea of a nap...that is often nourishing and replenishing to your soul at this time of such hard work.

Secret & Sunrise,

Thanks. I tried to sleep but my son woke me and I growled at him. (LOL) It has truly been one of those days. I still feel lousy. I am seeing p-doc tonite to consult about my meds thatt my internist prescribed. So maybe that meeting will be helpful.

The work just seems overwhelming at times. I might even cry. I guess I am wallowing but I have been through so much lately and climbing back up seems so far and insurmountable. I think about my relationship with my T and how I can use that to work through this crap. Big Sigh. My heart is heavy.

I am reading the most beautiful book, "Wherever You Go There You Are" -- It's about mindfulness and teaches meditation. I have great difficulty staying in the moment.

"Try recognizing the ways in which you meet obstacles with harshness. Experiment with being soft when your impulse is to be hard, generous when your impulse is to be withholding, open when your impulse is to close up or shut down emotionally. When there is grief or sadness try letting it be here. Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. Notice any labels you attach to crying or feeling vulnerable. Let go of the labels. Just feel what you are feeling, all the while cultivating moment-to-moment awareness, riding the waves of "up and down," "good and bad," "weak and strong," until you see that they are all inadequate to fully describe your experience. Be with the experience itself. Trust in your deepest strength of all: to be present, to be wakeful."

From "Wherever You Go There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn

How would you feel about crying... I know it is a concern for you? This post sounds like this could be a bad thing but earlier you were hoping to find a tear or so.

I have a button that says ... No Matter WHere you go...There you are. I remember when I realized how true that statement was and how additionally sad it made me... Like no escape.

Wow... what a quote. I have done some group guided meditation and it was quite powerful. I think that that quote would be powerful in a meditation and it is quite powerful in and of itself. How exhausting... and what an experience......but it does open one up to the possibilities.

Back to the crying.... so maybe you could just be with yourself and cry or not cry and be o.k. with that perhaps? It takes practice and yes mindfulness... to just be with yourself and allow what needs to happen to happen...whatever that might be emotionally.

I remember a guided meditation some time ago that just kept asking us to look for the truth... and the truth of that ... and the truth of that .... seeming to go increasingly inward for me. It was powerful for me.

I may need to look for your book.... just might have a lot to offer.

Oh yes, I would like to cry but I think you're onto something re: being with myself and crying or not crying, I think that's it in a nutshell. The crying will come when it's ready to come, and I thought it was coming this afternoon.

Good night & thanks.

I hope that when the tears come to you that you will welcome them and that they will not scare you. Welcome them through the sadness. Give them a home as they will seek to be welcome and to become at one with you. It may take practice....and that is o.k. but welcome yourself to the experience.

Peace....have a good day.....whatever that may mean.