[justdesserts]

Last week I was in very bad place emotionally and thinking seriously about SUI. T threatened to hospitalize me and our interaction was really stress and traumatic for me. I got really angry at t and accused him of ambushing me and only being interested in covering his butt. When I saw him later in week for another check-in, I was seething with anger and said I wasn't sure we had any more work to do together because I felt so betrayed by him. It was obvious during our session that he was frustrated with me. He told me that the reason he hadn't told me that he cared about me earlier in the week was because he'd told me 100x and if I didn't know by then. . .By the end of the session, things were a little better, but I could tell he still felt angry/defensive--whatever.

Before this happened, we had a great relationship and he'd never seen me even slightly irritated. It's hard for me even to say the words, "I'm angry." I'm afraid he won't forgive me or we won't be able to get back what we had or he really is tired of working with me. I'm afraid I won't be able to trust him again.

All of that said, all of the anger aside, he did what was right by talking about hospitalization. In retrospect, I was not thinking clearly, at all. By doing what he did, he got me out of my head enough to take steps so I didn't end up in the hospital and so I will be safe. How do we recover from this? How do we repair our relationship? Is it even worth trying?

[CANDC]

Well I think the most significant thing you wrote is

Before this happened, we had a great relationship and he'd never seen me even slightly irritated. It's hard for me even to say the words, "I'm angry."

On your next session you might want to talk about why you couldn't say I am angry or why it took so long for your anger to appear.

Your T is a professional. He knows your anger is suppressed. He probably was relieved you finally got in touch with your feelings if he is okay with feelings.

Have you ever thought that the anger that came out might have had nothing to do with him? Maybe you could try to tell him what you were really angry about, because it doesn't sound like it was him.

You know better than anyone how to deal with this. If your T does not give up on you, no need to give up on him IMO.

[jelly-bean]

It sounds like you and your T are in a very bad place right now. If you can't trust him anymore then you might want to think about asking him to recommend a different T. Trust is a very important part of a relationship with a T and without it there really isn't a relationship.

[Soccer mom]

I've been angry with my T. many times and told her all about it. It's frustrating for her because I can leave ok and then I come in PISSED off. We have talked and talked and it got a lot better. A lot of it was my negative transference and I think somewhat me setting my boundaries.

I think it's really good to talk about it and it can even make your relationship stronger. But, you both have to be willing and it sounds like you are.

Maybe just give it some time.
My t and i talk about a lot of tough issues and she often confronts me about things i do not wish to face. We get into arguments and fights on occassion. Sometimes we yell at each other. By the next time we talk (whether its a day or a week) we are both over it and move on.

[stopdog]

Take a break and try another one is what I do - sometimes I see other ones for a few weeks. One other one I still see and have seen for 5 years.

[SoupDragon]

In my experience ruptures can be positive in the end. The working through of them have always strengthened my relationship with T. Sounds like you bumped into each other's boundaries and that sounds a useful thing to explore.

My thoughts of therapy is about working in a safe commited relationship to deal with life events outside of T. There will always be people who step on your toes in real life and it is good to practice dealing with this in therapy.

Soup

You said you had a very good relationship before and that is what is important is to try and hold on to that memory and feeling.
It sounds like you were hurt that your t didn't care and wanted to cover his own arse. Maybe this is a little true but from I am sitting reading this, it's a very different story but I have no feelings or attachments to your t. From here it seems as though your t did care very much and wanted to keep you safe and the only way he knew how was to be hospitalised.
I know it's hard when you want t to do more or show you more support but sometimes being hospitalised is all they can and the best they can do at the time.
Hurt and anger come from the same emotions and I think if you could try and work through this with your t your relationship will become stronger. Emotions are heightened within the therapeutic relationship and sometimes we can't control them but they are always worth exploring with your t.

In everyday life I rarely express anger to friends or family (except my husband), when I first felt angry with my T I was going to stop seeing her, but I didn't, I went to my appointment and expressed it, it was a really good session. After that I expressed my anger at other times. My T encouraged me to take anger to my appoinmtents, I think that was a really positive thing for me. I think ruptures can be solved and can make the therapeutic relationship even better, but they don't always. Maybe it deoends on the T. Going back after a rupture is hard, but can be worth it.

[iheartjacques]

I'm interested to know how to move past this too. I'm still upset at T from last week. But he seems good at getting things back on track. So I'll see how Tuesday goes.

There's no hard formula. You both just continue to talk.

I think a break would be good for you.

[iheartjacques]

Today went okay. I admitted I couldn't trust him and some other stuff happened last week that sent me into a bad place. It was hard going but he managed to keep the conversation on some sort of track because I was all over the shop. He gave me something to show he trusts me and thinks he knows me as a person. So I think we will get past it. I guess it takes willingness from both sides to keep talking.