I have decided to try and work through this rupture with t rather than run away - which was a past pattern.
I have had ruptures with every t and always quit so this is a new experience for me.
I had session yesterday and we discussed projection. T thinks I projected my hatred of my sexuality onto her. I am sure there was a bit of that but I still think her reaction was not appropriate. She is adamant that it is my issue and not hers so she is not budging on that issue. We thrashed it out a bit and came to no definite decision and I guess I will never be clear about what happened. I can only say what happened for me.
Our relationship has become stronger and t is delighted that I am starting to express myself. She has been trying to get me mad for a while...congratulations t you succeeded.
I guess I am unsure what will happen but the real contact between us was very exciting and new for me.

[gayleggg]

Congratulations! It sounds like you have had a break through. I hope things continue to get better between the two of you.

[Soccer mom]

I'm still having an issue with something that happened about 9 months ago between me and my T. I've brought it up but I never told her the extent to which it bothered me. I was afraid if I told her really how I felt, she would withhold more or be annoyed. Last session she asked me why I wanted to hold onto it. I said I can't help it. She said it's a choice. She used to completely allow texting, told me to text anytime and I even asked if I was overstepping boundaries. Then, she increased the boundaries when I admitted transference because she was afraid she wouldn't truly understand my texts and could respond in the wrong way. Intellectually, I get it. But, I went from feeling special since she only texted a few clients to feeling like I did something wrong - admit feelings and you'll be punished.

So, I've decided that Monday we are going to have a funeral for the issue. I'm going to give my eulogy about why it bothered me so much - ALL the feelings and then put it in the past. It's hurting my trust with her and it was really early in our relationship. And, it's hurting me more than it's hurting her. Finally, it's affecting how I interact with her now - I'm always worried I'm annoying her when I text her even if for an appt change.

I think sometimes we just have to move on and look to the future.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I'm still having an issue with something that happened about 9 months ago between me and my T. I've brought it up but I never told her the extent to which it bothered me. She increased the boundaries when I admitted transference because she was afraid she wouldn't truly understand my texts and could respond in the wrong way. Intellectually, I get it. But, I went from feeling special since she only texted a few clients to feeling like I did something wrong - admit feelings and you'll be punished.

Jeez....this feels eerily similar.....we'll see how today's session goes for me.... but I feel so closed off, disconnected....

Working it out us where the gold is.
When I hear people say things like "I don't talk to her anymore " I'm outside life, I can see the immaturity and pointlessness in that now.

[unaluna]

Like stopdog says, they are wily! You cant go by what they say. You have to go by what YOU feel. Its not a game of who is more right. There is only one winner - us. They are totally there to serve us.

[stopdog]

I have not found it useful for me to continue telling the first therapist certain sorts of things. It does not matter to her one way or the other, but there are things she is just not good at for me. So there is no point, after letting her know how she has failed at those things, in continuing on with her on them. She is good at staying back so I use her for that. I think it is useful for me to recognize what they are and are not capable of and if one is just incapable of being useful in a certain way, then I figure out if there is another way for them to be worth hiring or not.

i'm glad you're working through it. i was worried by her reaction to you expressing your feelings for her, but i'm pleased to see she's taking you through them.

[SoupDragon]

Yeah! for staying - I think we can often learn more through staying that through running away from it.

Thanks everyone for the replies she is still very uncomfortable by it but I think it's more because she is not trained in this area. I have been trained in this area so together we can get through it.