[InACorner]

I always thought that i never really "needed" help..see i see all you wonderful heartfelt people who really try talking about your feelings but its hard for you and my heart goes out to you guys...and see i could "sort of" tell people about things..i guess i just programed myself like that...i can tell people about the things i "programmed" myself to think is ok to say...so my first session i told my T everything i can normally say..its the same speech same order everything...no problems...second session was alittle harder cuz he was trying to reach places i never even...thought...of well...reaching...and now i dont ever want to go back...if the second session is hard...what about the rest?? In fact I even cancelled my session that was today!!! When i told him my speech on the first day i felt like ok i told you..so there is no more to really say we are done...im good i can go right? Wrong...apparently there is more..but i dont know what it is yet...its like fog....you can see about 5 steps in front of you but have no idea why your so scared to go further....its like..i know something is there but i dont know if i want to know...and after my ..stunt this last week..i dont know if i will ever go back..im terrified...i dont want to deal with this...and now im realizing...it was only after my second session that i decided...to well try to do away with myself..but didnt succeed so what will it be like after we get into the deep stuff...i mean the second session was only about trying meditation and preventing my self injury..only for it to enhance it as well cut meditation off completely...seriously..who can meditate successfully? I sure as heck cant..apparently....meh......this is crazy.....sorry for my rant...love, Inny

[Christina86]

Okay ((((((((((((Inny)))))))))))))

Calm down. If you don't like the idea of meditation, tell him that. I gave the "speech" for my first T session ever, and had the exact same response. Then we started digging and I was scared shitless. It was the most scary thing ever. But I got through it, and so can you.

I know about your "attempt", but does your T? Maybe telling him that will tell him that you're not ready to be "pushed" yet and to go more slowly and not push so hard on issues you're not ready to deal with yet?

Don't give up on therapy yet, give it time. It takes a while to find a good T, and a good amount of time to build up trust with one too!

Bring up your concerns with your T, if you're feeling up to it ... even print off your post and have him read it. It will be helpful for him to know how to help you. Help him help you. I know you want help. And I think he wants to help you too!

Be good to yourself, don't give up on therapy yet, and let us know how the next session goes? I really think it would be a good idea to at least go once more and discuss everything you're feeling right now.

[InACorner]

thank you canders...i think i will try that and explain it the way you did...
he is a good t....and we get along well together....he seems most eager to help me....i am glad im not the only one who gives a "speech"
ty again...
love, Inny

[sunrise]

(((Inny))) You've only had 2 sessions. Maybe it is too early for your T to be reaching into places you've never gone before, digging too deep. Maybe you guys need to get to know each other first and build your relationship a bit before doing the difficult stuff. Just a thought... If you think it might help, could you tell him you need to go more slowly? Good luck.

hey. i have a speech too. i have a nice chronological history of 'major life events' and i have different varients of the story for different circumstances (e.g., play up / down the depression vs dissociation depending on the orientation of the clinician) and so on.

i have little pre-emptive speeches too. to try and prevent little lectures on irrational thoughts and the like. lots of little pre-emptive speeches and a fairly good conception of what people would 'like' me to say.

i've only just started getting a bit more confidence to speak from my heart rather than from the scripts. it is hard. it is taking a considerable risk. gently gently does it. little risk... then assess how they respond.

i was reading something last night about the 'theraputic window'. the 'theraputic window' is basically about finding a balance between encouraging the client to feel those hard feelings and between encouraging the client to trust and feel comfortable with the therapist.

sounds like you are really very keen to get into the hard stuff... which is terrific... but too much pressure can be... too much.

its okay to lighten things up a little. get to know each other a little. take teeny tiny risks with self disclosures and assess how things go. trust really does take time.

inny T is always hard
ive told u b4 how i dread each session
but its there for a reason we go for a reason
deep down u know u need it
deep down ur screamin for help
and it comes out in SI
(((((((((inny)))))))))))))
your so precious to me
and i love u
and im so glad ur still here
u are so brave to fall so so so hard and even after ur "attempt" (and i will say it like this cos i dont want to rite what we may actually be referring to, to respect the guidelines and stay here at pc) im glad u stuck around and didnt try again given u were so close to the end and it wood have been so easy for u then to go
i agree to tell ur T what happened and what ur feeling and i really like the idea of printing the post and gettin them to read it.. it saves u from talking...

make another appt
if u do i will
im such a bad twin such a bad influence
dont be like me and cancel and reschedule only to cancel T appts.. get off ur butt and go and maybe i will just take my own advice too....

and we have talked about the meditation.... so i wont go into that ..

love ya

inny(((((((((((((((((((love))))))))))))))))))

everything bronee says is true, it isn't easy, it was never going to be, but i know you're strong enough to do this and think of the end results after you've been through it.

you deserve this treatment and i strongly advice you carry on please, first of all for you, and all of us here and your b/f who loves you

love e.mom

[Perna]

It's like a scary dark tunnel; just keep remembering you WILL come out the other side! And tunnels rarely have real lions, and tigers, and bears, only the imagined ones from the past :-) The past is past and the rubble has to be cleared away. Just like one has to debride wounds so the infection can clear, got to do the same to all the other crap of one's life.

When I terminated therapy in 2005 with my T I'd been seeing since 1978, one of her last pieces of advice she gave me was "just keep putting one foot in front of the other." Turns out is is one of the best pieces of counsel she ever gave me. It works! I wouldn't trade any of my therapy for anything, best thing I did with/for myself and my life. Yes it was long, hard, confusing, painful, interesting, boring, exciting; any list of adjectives you wish to list but I'm here now on the "other" side and the view I've been looking for ain't going nowhere this time, it's mine to keep!

[RACEKA]

When you people say your scared, what are you scared of?

[lovelyst]

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