In a bad way

CBT guy called me today, it started out ok, like he wants to help. I worry that he is pushing at the WORST time that I become less dependent on therapy. If I could do that then I wouldn't bother with therapy! I was afraid that he would do this, keep saying hurtful things. Why didn't he just stop at "We will fix this together, I'll stick by you." ?
He may not be right for me. That would be awful because I've invested so much in this.

My longtime T emailed me and said he was out of town w/no cell service. But he asked how he could help. Longtime T is my saving grace.

I don't want to be so dependent but I am. I don't know where to begin to change that. I'm hurt that CBT guy seems to have a distaste for it.

growly, I'm sorry you are going through this, and that I am late to the party to say it.

Try not to take it to heart, but I think some therapists, especially pure CBT T's are only good at short term focused interventions with people. I wonder if they have the capacity, or desire, to do the deeper type of work that so many of us truly need.

This is 100% not a reflection on you hun, not at all, but rather could be a reflection of the limit to CBT Ts ability(chosen or otherwise). And maybe it is better...no less hard for you sadly...but better that you find this out now and can help to inform new choices for you?

I am glad that your longterm T has responded and I hope you can discuss this with him and find the support you need right now.

i'm sorry you feel he's pushing you... it's okay to be dependent when you're struggling as well, it's normal to need to lean on others.

My change is slower than slow. I have acknowledged it to my t, but i also point out things that have changed. He may just be wondering what your commitment to change is, and what is getting in the way? I have to wonder about mine. One day at a time is a lot harder than it sounds!!!

I am so sorry, growly. I wish there was something I could do to make it better. A while back I was in termination mode with my T (who is not a CBT T), and he was exceptionally unhelpful at a time where I REALLY REALLY needed help. And a lot of it was his really refusing to take responsibility for things that were putting a strain on the relationship. It made me feel helpless and crazy. Which is always a super-safe and fun combination [/sarcasm].

I've never seen a CBT T, but at times a cognitive-behavioral approach has helped me deal with certain things, like phobias. It has merit, for sure. However, part of the reason I've never sought out a CBT T for dealing with my overall mood and thoughts is that pushing myself to make progress and coming up with goals and trying to alter my behavior is something I am doing to myself all the time. Sometimes too much. CBT might push me over the edge. I say this because when you say, "If I could do that then I wouldn't bother with therapy!", that really nucleates *for me* when I feel like a CB approach ends and a more psychodynamic/analytic approach begins.

Still, I think maybe it's better to keep that connection open, while you're figuring out your next step. My biggest regret during my termination phase a couple years ago was closing that door before I had another one open. Even though T was hurting me at that time, being on my own ended up hurting me more.

Good luck. And let me just say that yes, it's ok to be dependent sometimes. So many of us grew up thinking that being dependent was our biggest personal flaw... but it's not. There is such a thing as being so dependent that it's a detriment to oneself and others, but when you're struggling, it's ok to lean on someone. Humans were meant to live in groups. We're wired to look to others when we're in trouble. It's just that for many of us, the people in our early lives tried to re-wire us, because of their own issues. But there's really nothing wrong with you for needing help. I hope you continue to post here about your struggle. I often can't respond but I am thinking of you .