We haven't had one of those general therapy questions in awhile... I miss them. I love to read everyones' answers.

So....

I remember awhile back we had a thread going called "What does your T do?" I loved hearing about all of the things that our Ts do-- dream interpretation, whether or not they have ever used any type of physical contact, self-disclosure, etc.

What I want to know is...

What is the most (seemingly) insignificant thing that your T does, that is so incredibly significant to you?

Here is mine:

My T has a goatee... and when I really start opening up, he crosses one leg over the other, sits back in the chair, and puts his hand on his goatee and continuously scratches/strokes it. It kills me. He looks so %#@&#!.... interested. And engaged. I've never had anyone look at me like that while I'm talking.

Of course I'm going through a particularly difficult phase in which I am incessantly angry with him during sessions, so the other day he did what I just described, and I was like, "OH! What are you doing? Did I suddenly say something so %#@&#! earth-shattering that you feel the need to sit there and ponder it? Trust me, it's not that momentous!"

How. on. earth. does. he. put. up. with. me. ???

[sunrise]

Ha, ha, love the goatee thing. (I love beards--hawt!)

I could probably list a dozen things, but here is one I find interesting/amusing.

When I arrive for therapy, T ushers me into the room, I sit in my place on the couch, and then he sometimes asks me if I want a bottle of water. Or sometimes he asks me if I want tea. Water is no big deal--he gets it out of his mini-fridge, or sometimes I just help myself. But for tea, he has to boil water in his kettle, put the teabag in a mug for me, and pour the water over it, and he will also add how much sugar I specify. It's a little ritual. Sometimes he asks me if I want tea, but not everytime. Why doesn't he ask me every time? What does it mean? Does it mean he is in a hurry? Does it mean he is not in a relaxed mood? Does it mean he really doesn't want to connect with me that session? Does it mean he is feeling lazy and can't be bothered? He often will make tea for himself too if I have some, but not always. I like drinking tea together with him. What does it all mean????? Why doesn't he ask me if I want tea everytime????

Another weird tea-related thing, is that before we knew each other that well, and he had not brewed tea for me yet--we had to work up to that level of intimacy, lol--he let drop that he was trying to get his significant other to stop putting sugar in her coffee. He was concerned about her health, he said. Well, when eventually he did start offering me tea, I was scared to death to request sugar in it. I thought he would think more highly of me if I drank my tea "black." So I never asked for sugar, even though I like about a half teaspoon full. Then one day, after I'd been in therapy with him for a while, I felt very bold and requested sugar in my tea. It was a breakthrough! It showed I was my own person and wasn't doing stuff just to please T.

OMG, can you believe the trivial stuff that becomes "significant" in therapy?

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sunrise said:
Then one day, after I'd been in therapy with him for a while, I felt very bold and requested sugar in my tea. It was a breakthrough! It showed I was my own person and wasn't doing stuff just to please T.

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That is some beautiful insight.

[Hopefull]

My T comes to the waiting room to retrieve me. When she sees me, she smiles at me. I know that she does this with her other clients too. However, it makes me feel like she is glad to see me. (Grin)
This last session, I read a note to her explaining my frustration with how she handled the issue of whether or not to take an anti-depressant. She managed to do the very thing that I knew she would. She listened and "Uh Huhed" throughout the letter and openly discussed how she could have handled it better. She asked me if I wanted to quit taking the AD. I sometimes fear sharing feelings of complaint/frustration with T. So, it is important to me that she responded by verbally rewarding my sharing my feelings. (I'm starting to cry). My mom never allowed me to complain about how they treated me at all. So, I am not used to expressing my deepest complaints or frustration to anyone in authority over me. She tried to understand why I think of a T as having power over me (T's can say that we have mental disorders). I like T. I think I will go cry now.

[lauren_helene]

I just miss the closeness we seemed to have not long ago. It was my first call between sessions, and I told him that the last session seemed 'weird' and was he mad at me? He said 'did I say I was mad about anything'? I said no.

Next session, he apologized for whatever thought he left me with and said 'It's always a good time when you come here'...and he is so right. We would talk about all sorts of stuff and laugh and laugh. I miss that.

[jacq10]

My first T that i had .. well her and I got along sooo well, I can't even explain how much she means to me (still today). I was in High School at this point, and one day I was so upset that i couldn't go to class and I went to our Health center (where all her appointments also were) and I asked the nurse if i could just lie down for a bit because i was too upset to go to class. Anyways, I had been lying down for about 10 minutes and I could hear someone come into the Health Center ... I thought that i was just being hopeful that i heard my T, but sure enough it was her. A couple minutes later she knocked lightly on my door and popped her head in. She asked if she could come in, and she sat on the bed next to me and we just talked. She was so comforting and made me feel 100% better just by her presence and caring. It made me feel so special that she cared enough to come and talk to me on her lunch hour, and well I guess it is a significant enough gesture, but it meant the world to me and so i thought that i would share!

[SecretGarden]

I worked years ago in a hospital admissions area and my pdoc was out of work getting radiation for prostate cancer. He came by my work to see me after a treatment. I was so excited to see him and took him to my cubby hole for a few minutes .. There was limited privacy and I can not remember the discussion except he thought he would be quitting those treatments... but it meant so much to me that he came to see me. I think he missed me and I definitely missed him while he was out sick for some time. There was mutual warmth there. God I miss him....

[MissCharlotte]

When I first started seeing T about 7 months ago, I was completely weirded out by the relationship. I had not yet found PC and never heard of transference. One weekend, we went to see him as a family (my husband, son and myself). My son was not well at the time and T was so kind to him that I left there feeling wonderful that day. On my next session I told T that I felt so good after the family session that it made me feel better about our work together. He was so surprised that I had doubts about our work, but it was observing his interaction with another that made me able to trust him.

In the current context, whenever I call T outside of session I feel awkward about how to end the call but he accomplishes it as deftly as he accomplishes ending a session. He always says, "Well I have to go now..." And i say, well, I'll see you on Tuesday (or whenever my next appt. is). And then he softly repeats the day and time of my next session. I love hearing his voice say, "Monday at 3:15," It's a reminder that I will see him again and it is so damned comforting.

[Tracy21]

Everytime i end a session with my T she gets up and walks me towards the front door. I never want to leave T as i feel so safe when i'm with her. Feel like i'm protected and accepted - which is no easy feat, belieeeve me. But whenever i get up, she opens the door for me and walks either just a little behind me, or beside me and places her hand on my back or my shoulder. Its so comforting, and lets me know that she cares about me. After I had been seeing her for a while, and after a particularly hard session, she looked at me with her kind eyes and asked if i wanted a hug. Hearing those words and having her hold me was possibly the safest and more comforted moments i've had since I was a little girl. She knows how i long for a relationship with my mother and by her doing that, it showed me that some people do care ... and that what i lack from my relationship with my mother will hopefully be restored in others in my future. Such a kind kind woman ... don't know what i did do deserve such an awesome T.

Well, what fun!

I have 'senior moments' sometimes... I can lose my train of thought. I'm all over the place trying to make a point or I forget to give background so I go back, then try to go forward again.. grrr. It always embarrasses me when I lose my thought and I say so. It really frustrates me too and that might be evident.

Anyway, that happened last session. Then later in the session she did it! She suddenly stopped and looked off and said.... I was going to say something more about your sister..... I laughed and said "It isnt' just me?!?" and she very spontaneously (and in her soft and gentle way) laughed too and said "Oh, my no!" .... Real or therapeutic? I don't know, but it was a good experience either way.

She eventually recovered and went on and it just changed the dynamics for the moment at least.

I like that she was real, didn't try to cover it up or dismiss it

The other thing I like that she does is, especially during the silences, she just has a welcoming look, aura, about her. She's smiling pleasantly and has a welcoming and softly expectant look in her eyes and sometimes will gently nod her head encouragingly. It is very sweet and comforting.

Thanks pinksoil, for a nice thread!

ECHOES

our greeting ritual is kinda weird / cute.

his office is in a renovated house. the front door opens up into a reception area along on the left and feeds into a hallway along the right where the offices are. he times things so when i open the front door he is standing right by the hallway about a meter and a half in front of me. i wondered how on earth he timed that for a while. wondered if he just stood there waiting... but he looked expectant... then i realised that he must watch out for me out of his office window. makes it kinda hard to approach the house now. i kind of imagine him watching me approaching. feel very self conscious.

i guess that instead of looking him in the eyes and smiling (which is kinda the culturally accepted greeting) i kind of smile and lower my head and avert my eyes / gaze. not sure where i picked that up from... maybe from my indian housemates back home... actually, i think that i did pick it up from people from other cultures and that style of greeting just seemed more comfortable / appropriate to me for doctor / patient kind of settings. maybe because i had a lot of eastern doctors over the years... anyway... instead of contronting me about the lack of eye contact... he has started bowing his head with a smile in greeting and he gestures me down to the office at the same time with his hand.

it is kinda cute. he is a bit of an aussie bloke, i guess. i bit geeky, to be sure, but a bit of an aussie bloke. i just really love it that he does that for me.

:-)

[lauren_helene]

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jacq10 said:
My first T that i had .. well her and I got along sooo well, I can't even explain how much she means to me (still today). I had been lying down for about 10 minutes and I could hear someone come into the Health Center ... I thought that i was just being hopeful that i heard my T, but sure enough it was her. A couple minutes later she knocked lightly on my door and popped her head in. She asked if she could come in, and she sat on the bed next to me and we just talked. She was so comforting and made me feel 100% better just by her presence and caring. It made me feel so special that she cared enough to come and talk to me on her lunch hour, and well I guess it is a significant enough gesture, but it meant the world to me and so i thought that i would share!

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I'm crying over this one. See a little connection like that has a very significant impact on us. I'm so glad you got that from her.

[lauren_helene]

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SecretGarden said:
I worked years ago in a hospital admissions area and my pdoc was out of work getting radiation for prostate cancer. He came by my work to see me after a treatment. I was so excited to see him and took him to my cubby hole for a few minutes .. There was limited privacy and I can not remember the discussion except he thought he would be quitting those treatments... but it meant so much to me that he came to see me. I think he missed me and I definitely missed him while he was out sick for some time. There was mutual warmth there. God I miss him....

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Secret, I'm crying again! This is the kind of relationship I want with my T someday. I talked to him once about how I feel he is part of my new family and he said he has that with some of his clients. I am hoping I am one of them.

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((almeda24fan))))))))))))

[sunrise]

I love reading and sharing the little moments and quirky things from therapy. I had a nice moment at our session earlier this week. My session is at 5 pm and I have had that timeslot for months. Anyway, a few minutes before 5 pm I show up at the waiting room, and then another guy comes in too and there we are together in T's waiting room, which he does not share with any other providers. This guy and I talk and ascertain that we both have appointments at 5:00 pm! Has T double booked? Are we going to put on our boxing gloves and duke it out? T is running late so we end up having quite a bit of time together and have a nice chat--he's a really nice guy. We're going to let T decide the matter. When T peeks out into the waiting room to say he's almost done (with the previous client), he does a double take and says to the guy, "What are you doing here?" The guy says I have a 5 pm appointment, and T says, kind of puffing out his chest and looking at me, "no you don't, you're wrong, this is a longstanding appointment" and he nods at me. It was so sweet. I kind of felt like T was defending my honor or standing up for me or telling me what a priority I was for him, or something. Anyway, it was all amicable and this double-booked guy then went away.

Another thing I learned from this other client was that he had two appointments with T this week (or so he thought) and acted like this was not uncommon. WHAT???? A client has two appointments in one week??? I didn't know my T did that. Hmmmmmm.....

[lauren_helene]

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sunrise said:
Another thing I learned from this other client was that he had two appointments with T this week (or so he thought) and acted like this was not uncommon. WHAT???? A client has two appointments in one week??? I didn't know my T did that. Hmmmmmm.....

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Oh wow Sunrise! I love that he defended you so to speak. I'm with ya, when my T said he has been seeing one woman since 1993, I wanted to throw things at him. It was around this time the insurance stuff was going on (or was it a technique who knows) and he was talking about reducing sessions being good, hates therapists who keep clients hanging around for years and started talking about eventually graduating.

Hey wait, I found an inconsistency! He's been seeing a woman since 1993 but hates therapists who keep clients for years and years?? Uh oh, my progress is about to go out the door! If I find out he sees her or anyone twice per week for many years, I will in fact implode....

[Perna]

My T was not originally from the United States so occasionally our different culture/looks/backgrounds would make themselves known. Anyway, one summer my husband and I decided to spend our "vacation" taking sailing lessons (my husband's father lived on the water on Florida's West coast and had a sailboat and was getting older and we thought it might be nice if we knew how to "help" so he wouldn't have to work so hard entertaing us when we'd go visit) and I was telling my T this and it turned out she'd taken the exact same lessons with her husband several years earlier. I couldn't imagine her taking these lessons, she didn't seem the type to me :-) but it did make me feel closer to her, like we coud have similar interests, etc. in real life and I'd think of the sailing lessons whenever I felt a bit distant or like our dissimilar childhood/backgrounds were getting in the way.