Trusting your T....

How do you really trust your T? I do trust mine but I attached to her and have maternal transference and serious abandonment issues. She is an amazing T and I have been seeing her for years. She is really helping me. My trust is almost completely gone from so many people who I was very close to that hurt me badly and left after promising they would always be there. I'm worried about my T terminating me or switching jobs and then the therapy would be over. I don't know how to fully trust her like she deserves (she has never done anything for me to not trust her).

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You should trust her like YOU fully deserve....not her. The only thing I could suggest is talking to her about your fears if you haven't. She may be able to lay them to rest.

I'm afraid for this too. I've talked to her about it, but it didn't really help. Now I'm afraid again that she will terminate me when she'll switch job in a few months. When she switch to this job, the asked if I want to go with her, so I could keep her as a T or stay there and get a new T. She also said this new job will be for a few months (she's filling in for a T who's pregnant) and then she would go to her permanent job/workplace. And I could go with her. But now I'm worried she'll change her mind. I'm not an easy client. And I need to talk to her about something and when she knows, I'm afraid she doesn't want anything to do with me.

I think it's best to talk to your T about this.

Trust is a tricky one for me. Is it that T's are trustworthy, or does it come from our ability to trust?

Also does trust have to be absolute or graded / boundaried? Like I trust my local shops to sell me healthy food, my bank to look after my money, my dentist my teeth.

I trust my T to treat me with respect, to maintain their professionalism, to be honest with me. But can I trust T to always be there? No that is beyond my control and also T's.

It took me several months to trust that t wouldn't judge me. I worried she would. I don't even have anything extreme to share but I often worry people judge me

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I agree with ML.

T and I recently discussed this very thing. We were discussing our "relationship" and the different things we have discussed over the years (6). I told her that I felt safe that I could trust her and then said without thinking "well as much as I can trust anybody". I felt bad saying it but then she said that every relationship is a risk and since I have been hurt in most relationships that SHOULD have been safe and trustworthy she would never expect me to ever feel completely secure in any relationship.

[quote=divine1966;4514251]It took me several months to trust that t wouldn't judge me. I worried she would. I don't even have anything extreme to share but I often worry people judge me

Early in T I was having a hard time talking about a sensitive issue with T. She asked what was afraid of. I told her I didn't really know. She asked if I thought she would judge me. I on one level knew she would never do that however, but the irrational part of me worried. She asked if it was about HER judging me or ME judging myself. It was a huge AHA moment. I realize I am my own worst enemy in this.

For me, it is about trusting that he is a professional who wants to do a good job. I find that easy enough to trust, with my T. If he is professional he won't ever violate my confidentiality or judge me or drop me as a client unless he absolutely has to. And he has never made any empty promises, which would kill the trust, I think.

For me, therapy is not about becoming more trusting in other people. I need to trust my T, but I need to not trust people outside T's office - and so there is no element of using what I learn about trusting T in my outside life. That might also be significant.

I have talked to my T about this. Many times. She has said things that have made me feel better in the short term but trust is so hard. I hate that she has all the power and can hurt me whenever. Part of me wants to quit therapy so I won't get hurt.

Unfortunately, you will have to FEEL it over time. Intellectually I knew I should trust my T. but I couldn't. I have the exact same fears and have told her. And, she won't tell me not to worry about abandonment. She wants me to experience over and over things being ok.

It's really really weird but I started to trust her when she suggested spacing my sessions and possibly referring. I'm not sure why THAT would help my trust issues. Seems like it would have done the opposite. I did a ton of searching within and realized that I HAVE to trust her that she knows how to help me.

I HIGHLY suggest googling trusting someone. I wish I knew where I wrote it but it talked about trust being a choice. You have to recognize in every relationship you can get hurt. But, if it's a good relationship you will trust and be prepared to work through any hurt that might come up. So, you have to not only trust her now but trust that any other issues would be worked out. You have to CHOOSE to trust her and take a leap of faith. I hope you google and find what I read. It really helped me.

Thank you so much for recommending me to read that article about trust. The problem I have with it is that it said to be OK with whatever happens in the relationship. It said that you have to believe that you will be ok no matter what happens. I KNOW for a FACT that I will not be ok if something bad happens. So I am stuck.

We always think trust depends on another person always being there. Things being as we need them to be.
But trust is, about us. Knowing we can withstand life as it happens.
People leave, stuff happens. We continue.
For me, I have already falling apart at a very young age. It's that which drove the fear of bad stuff happening in the future.
Through exploring that very early experience and talking with T about the realities of what one can reasonable expect I'm getting stronger in that dept.
I do trust T. I've never met anyone with such integrity. It's lack of integrity we meet a lot in life. I don't have to trust those people, they don't trust themselves. I just have to have trust in me.

I really like this article's take on trust - https://drgeraldstein.wordpress.com/...le-of-therapy/

"Nothing above absolves the therapist of the need for finely tuned sensitivity, laser-like focus, and dedication. He must do his best to recognize messages often disguised; must take care not to injure. Nor does this free the patient from taking incredible risks to reveal herself, even though her history says revelation and vulnerability will result in a terrible end. Tearable of the thing we call trust, and terrible to the heart and body.

The most damaged of clients want to be known, but are afraid to be known. They are frightened to show themselves to anyone. Thus, their coded messages are misunderstood. Nonetheless, courage is essential. The unfairness of having to take one more risk carries no weight. They must do so repeatedly. Their healing is otherwise impossible."

I'm still waiting for mine to drop the ball again. I'm waiting for the day I get hurt again trusting a male.

What I learned to trust is the particular therapy method the T using. That's way more important than trusting the T herself. Find out what psychiatric theory she goes by, read some books on that, and you will know all about what to expect in regard to how long, how close, and what stages of therapy she will take you through.

I have pre-verbal trauma so I don't know how to trust anyone, yet. I'm learning, bit by bit, through therapy and seeing over and over that my T is trustworthy.

Here's the article I read on trust that helped me:

How To Trust (Especially When You've Been Hurt) - mindbodygreen.com